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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
time4anothername · 27/01/2022 22:40

I think that any will made before marriage is invalid from the day of marriage? So don't let her think that if she writes a will before the day that it stands after it. She'll need to do one asap.

DarkDarkNight · 27/01/2022 22:41

If your mother still wants to marry this man even though he is openly telling her he will disinherit her children upon her death she needs legal advice.

I’m sure there will be ways around this - I’m sure I’ve heard of placing the house in trust for the children and the spouse gets to live there until their death. If she wants you and your siblings to inherit the house and savings she needs to act.

tkwal · 27/01/2022 22:41

She owns her house outright. She doesn't have to make him homeless if she goes first and she can still protect the children's interests. It's good estate planning to put her house into the ownership of her heirs, after 7 years it's out of her estate so less taxes to pay. (Assuming they are over 18)Its up to her if she wants to gift him a share of the house on marriage but she needs to make it very clear how much. Or she can make her will that he gets to live in the house until his death if she dies first but the ownership is in the hands of A B or C. If he loves her that shouldn't be a problem.if he wants to leave his kids something and relies on her generosity that's something else to sort out. A watertight will is so important as even if they don't marry he could claim on her estate. It might not suit a fairytale romance but it will save a lot of heartache in the long run

Ploppy1322 · 27/01/2022 22:41

She should not marry this man,why on earth would she agree to leave everything she has to someone else's children and not her own. Who would want to marry a man who'd do that, crazy

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/01/2022 22:41

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Honestly? If she's willing to put a man before her own kids by marrying someone who has outright said he will leave her kids with nothing if she dies first, I'm not sure I would be able to be friends with her.

She's even worse than him if she goes ahead with marrying him IMO.

Sorry posted this before I saw you're one of her kids. Bloody hell you're being a long more understanding than I would be about this. It's not about the money either, it's the principle of putting the selfish grubbiness of a man before the future of her kids. It's awful.
Pedallleur · 27/01/2022 22:42

@lollipopsandrainbows I dont think you are responsible for the fees. The money comes from the estate of the person in care. Any assets, savings are used to a bottom of £14k. The council will cover the care home fees, you shouldn't be liable but guilt will be used to make you pay. Need to lock the assets down in Trusts or by gifting property and money. Needs legal advice tho.

SandyLanes · 27/01/2022 22:44

Pretty sure something can be out in the will where assets other than the house go to her children and the spouse can stay in the house until he dies whereupon the house then belongs to her children on his death.

Mellowyellow222 · 27/01/2022 22:44

I am so sorry that your mum is marrying this horrible; greedy, selfish man.

It would make my blood boil to think of his children inheriting your mums house and money.

I am baffled as to why she is marrying him - he sounds unpleasant.

HashtagSexy · 27/01/2022 22:45

She shouldn't marry him, but if she does still intend to, she should have her will absolutely ironclad and make him sign a prenup

Mellowyellow222 · 27/01/2022 22:46

If he is this selfish and controlling now imagine what he will be like once they are married. I would say her money will be spent and gifted to his children pretty quick

FrangipaniBlue · 27/01/2022 22:46

I too am your friend (the wife's) child in this scenario however I was unaware until my step dad passed away (17 years after my mum).

I started a thread about it in 2020, feel free to reverse search my username and have a read, maybe even show it to your friend.

KohlaParasaurus · 27/01/2022 22:47

He sounds like quite the catch Shock

Lots of good advice on the thread about how the will might be managed to safeguard the children's inheritance. An additional option, and one I intend to use myself, might be for the asset-holder to give her children generous cash gifts during her lifetime.

Original poster
anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 22:47

@FrangipaniBlue

I too am your friend (the wife's) child in this scenario however I was unaware until my step dad passed away (17 years after my mum).

I started a thread about it in 2020, feel free to reverse search my username and have a read, maybe even show it to your friend.

Thank you so much, I will have a search. So sorry you had to go through this. I too am one of the wife's children in this scenario.
OP posts:
Pedallleur · 27/01/2022 22:49

@tkwal @deleteasappropriate thanks for those posts. Illustrates about wills, trusts and mirror wills perfectly. A few people on this thread will be having sleepless nights now. Trusts etc are not just for the rich. House prices are climbing and that 325k limit can easily be breached.

AdaColeman · 27/01/2022 22:50

He’s telling her who he really is here. She shouldn’t marry him, she should get rid of him tomorrow!

OnaBegonia · 27/01/2022 22:50

Your mum is only in her 40s, why is she settling for this abject horror of a man?
Is he really unable to work? or has found an easy out in your mother?
She sounds incredibly naive especially when he's told her to her face he would keep her £ to himself.
I'd show her this thread, might wake her up.

midsomermurderess · 27/01/2022 22:51

What happened to Lynda Bellingham's sons was terrible. I saw on of them, Michael I think, on the documentary about the Savoy, he was training to be a butler. He'd tried acting but that hadn't worked out and he got a job at the hotel through his brother. He seemed like a lovely chap, but a bit broken. Sure, no one owes you a living but the whole will thing turned out quite nasty.

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 27/01/2022 22:53

So he would pass his assets and money of half a million on to his kids, plus give them her house...meanwhile her kids get nothing from him, not even the house their own mother bought...?

That is major red flags, if I was her I wouldn't marry him, and id have a will written to ensure her own house and any money she has goes only to her kids so he doesn't get his grubby hands on it

RoseMartha · 27/01/2022 22:53

I apologise if someone has said this already but when she writes her Will she can specify that he gets to live in her house as long as he wishes and he maintains it at a certain standard. When he is no longer living in it because he has died or moved. Then the house is sold and divided between her children.

Of course she could leave him a percentage of her estate. If she wished to. Eg 10%. Or she can specify that he does not get any interest in her Estate other than to live in the house.

His children do not have to inherit anything.

As other posters have said a trust is another option. But you still need the watertight Will.

The Will will need to be very specific.

Dillydollydingdong · 27/01/2022 22:53

She should make a Will giving him the right to carry on living there, but not to inherit the house. When he does, the house goes to her children. Simples!

Dillydollydingdong · 27/01/2022 22:54

When he dies...

Doubledenimrock · 27/01/2022 22:55

Jesus wept. What the fuck is the matter with this woman. My partner knows all my money goes to my kids. If we ever lived together in my home I might put it trust so he can live here until he dies but it goes to my kids on his death . Your mother needs some serious talking to.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 27/01/2022 22:58

This is exactly why, if something were to happen in my current marriage, I would not remarry. There is no way some man is taking my assets and leaving them to someone else and my kids missing out!

PigletJohn · 27/01/2022 23:03

Even if they don't admit it in advance, quite a lot of people end up doing what you describe.

IMO it would be best to make a will "in contemplation of marriage" with the help of a solicitor (assuming you are in England) leaving certain listed assets to the children, with, perhaps, a life interest in the house to the husband, possibly until he remarries or cohabits.

I strongly recommend specifying that family items like jewellery, photo albums, are listed and go to the children straight away, otherwise, if there is any ill-feeling or forgetfulness, they may never be seen again if they stay in the house.

There are some shocking stories about step-families and wills.