It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

@Christmasbird

I was the wife's child in this scenario. It made losing my parent in tragic circumstances so much more traumatic than it should have been. I'll never forget how I was treated

I am sorry about your loss and so sorry to hear how you were treated

Well she nds proper legal advice obviously.

And yes itnis very difficult to cut out a spouse of a will: they would have a strong case to ask the court tonoverturn that part of the will.

She has various options but basically she neds to protect some of her assets for her children and not rely on him to do the right thing. What if he goes senile / taken in by a con man? (Both have resulted in v dodgy wills in my family!) She could create a trust and eg give him a lifetime interest in the house. But is complicated and one for a lawyer.

The house (hers) can go into a trust for HER children and she has a living will which allows the partner to remain in the home. 2 points here. He can't sell it. It's illegal if he tried to. Also the trust avoids her children paying inheritance tax. Threshold for Ineritance tax is £325k so without a trust the beneficiaries whether his or her children would be liable for 40% of the total over the threshold. So if the estate was £1 million, the debt to HMRC is 40% of £675k. Forget about what is fair, it's what she wants to do. Note that HMRC have first call on any money or assets over that threshold and they want it upfront. We are going through it at the moment. So, she needs to see an estate planner who will advise of the options. The passing of any assets to the children, the division of any assets and any bequests. Note that there is a 7yr rule that if the house goes into trust, the will maker has to live for 7 yrs to pass the house over. Got to do it now. She will also need executors and maybe her partner isn't one of them. A solicitor or estate planner will tell you the pros and cons.

Sorry, did I read that right? He wants to leave everything she’s worked for to his own kids and cut hers out?!

Erm…no. Just, no. If he can’t see that an even split between all children is the right thing to do in that situation, then there’s something wrong with him. And even if he does agree to write a will with an even split now, she’ll never be able to trust that he won’t change it back if she dies.

What a sad situation.

They both need to see a solicitor for advice, and thern to draw up their wills.

There is no " Obviously when marrying what's hers is his", at all.

She could, for instance, leave the house to her children, with a life interest for her husband . He can live in it, and when he dies her children get it.

OP why does she want to marry him? She can still support him without marrying him.

In terms of what you thiught - when I made my will, the solicitor made a point of saying, if I married, the will would not stand.

@2lilcherubs

if she owed the house and had the money before he moved in and married he doesnt automatically get it. she can leave the house and money to her kids and they can in turn turf him out and leave him with nowt. however on the ground that he wouldnt give the house to her kids in the first instance i would no continue a relationship with this person never mind marry him.

Yes the house and money is fully hers before he was on the scene. It was half hers and half my dad's but they had two properties between them, so when they divorced he kept one and she kept the other.

You can get very detailed wills, protecting assets for your children etc. Leaving half of a house to a partner but the rest to your children. If she's determined to marry someone who has no interest in her children she needs to get a really good will sorted with a solicitor.

So even when your mum's dp is clearly saying I've already earmarked your money for my kids, sod yours. She still thinks he's a good guy?

I'm astonished at his honesty about how dishonest he is - he can't be very bright. At least, on Goldenballs, all of the finalists who were planning on choosing the Steal ball would lie beforehand and promise they were going to split.

As for it being the only way he can leave his kids an inheritance, he could rob a bank or commit benefit fraud or something else equally immoral and dishonest - if he has no principles at all.

Has she actually said anything about all of the money going to her kids or is she thinking half to his and half to hers or splitting it equally by the number of children? If so, his kids would still get a whacking inheritance that they would never otherwise have had, without stealing somebody else's as well.

She would be an absolute fool to marry him now that he's plainly shown his true colours. If he's already planning now on doing the dirty on her kids after she dies, he isn't going to treat them well in the meantime, is he?

Also, PP said about a trust that gives him a life interest and then it all goes to her kids after he dies - I would most certainly not do this, as it assumes that he wouldn't spend deliberately extravagantly or transfer it all early to his kids the instant she's gone - he's basically admitted that this would be his MO.

Since 2010 and the case of Radmacher pre-nups have carried a lot of weight in the U.K. They don’t come with a guarantee, but are very persuasive. She should get one.

She needs to make reasonable provision for her husband in her will. But she does not have to leave him everything. A life interest in the property plus an outright interest in some of the savings might be appropriate. But obviously it will be very fact specific. She needs to see a solicitor before she marries him. Better still not marry him.

She needs to open her eyes. 'He can't work, has no assets & is on a disability allowance' but wants to leave her accumulated wealth to his kids because they come first. He can fuck right off. Don't marry him, do the will anyway & make sure her kids get everything.

She should not marry him. If he is so bold as to tell her this and then gets wind its making her concerned he is the type that will just pretend he will go along with her wishes. This is not a good person. She needs to raise her standards

imho she shouldn't be marrying him at all. But if she does she can do an interest in possession trust, where if she was to do die first her husband would receive the income from any assets so he's not penniless and has an income until he dies. And after he dies the actual assets go to her children, i.e you and your siblings.

@Anotherinheritanceq Why does she want to marry him rather than just live together? Is she very religious? Could she consider a non legally binding commitment ceremony? You are very very lucky he was honest as he could have told her he would leave everything to her children. Even if she left him the right to live in her home for life he could chanenge it. How old are they both? Is she scared if she does not marry him he will leave and is scared of being alone ?

What would happen if he got life rent and moved his kids in?

She would be insane to marry this man, why should his children end up with all the inheritance. Just no, he’s contributed nothing to that, sorry but he won’t have a chance to give something to his kids as he hasn’t been able to, that doesn’t mean his kids benefit over hers. If she dies first he should be able to stay in the house until he dies then the money goes to her children

Imagine marrying someone who admitted to you they would fuck your kids over in the event if your death

^^ This in spades. He sees her as a walking meal ticket! Re: the pre-nup idea, doesn’t he have to agree and sign it too? Doesn’t sound to me like he is going to agree to that - he wants all your mums assets (that he had fuck all to do with earning) for himself and his kids. Really he is no better than a burglar - helping himself to someone else’s stuff when morally he has absolutely no right to it!

I appreciate it’s hard to not sound grabby given youre one of the children, but surely you can say that marrying is him is declaring us written out of your will in favour of his children, adn what parent does thta? Ask your friends, make sure you tell them he’s been clear that he would will all your estate to his own dc and leave us out of it or you’re not being honest with them. you can’t expect things to be the same once you’ve done that.

The very fact that he entertains such a proposal at all means he is well dodgy and not a nice person.

This is known as the Sideways Disinheritance Trap

The easy way to avoid this is to simply not marry him

The more complicated way to avoid this, and to provide for him in his lifetime but not the stepchildren after his death, is a Lifetime Interest Trust
foresightwills.co.uk/avoiding-the-sideways-disinheritance-trap/

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@Anotherinheritanceq Why does she want to marry him rather than just live together? Is she very religious? Could she consider a non legally binding commitment ceremony? You are very very lucky he was honest as he could have told her he would leave everything to her children. Even if she left him the right to live in her home for life he could chanenge it. How old are they both? Is she scared if she does not marry him he will leave and is scared of being alone ? [/quote]
No she's not at all religious! I don't understand it myself either, I'd never get married myself. And it's not like they're going to have kids together. They are late 40s.

Read some of the posts here and they are right about the partner living in the house. That is a standard thing. On his death her children get the house and any assets in the trust. This will be a test of their relationship. He will whinge about being unfair blah blah. Note also a power of attorney is useful. If she fell ill and couldn't act e.g. dementia, stroke etc the poa allows decisions to be made by e.g. the children or a 3rd party. This is a v.powerful tool, I repeat this is a v.powerful tool and it's use is not to be handed to just anyone. Can't do all this on the internet. Needs time with someone legal and there will be a bill. But its peace of mind now and not an unseemly squabble at the funeral.

Making a will is vital, especially with children from previous relationships, and more so if a lot of money involved. Personally, I would put him out on his arse if he said that!!

If they get married what if his disabilities get worse and he needs to go into a home? A lot of the money will get swallowed up anyhow.