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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
Liekje · 28/01/2022 17:47

Sounds to me like he’s marrying her for money.. wonder how long she’ll survive after getting married.. sorry maybe I watch to many murder series 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

IlkaDoxie · 28/01/2022 17:48

So he's taking away HER opportunity to leave her own money to her kids, and she's still going to marry him?

This can't possibly be real Confused

Supermum29 · 28/01/2022 17:48

She need to speak to a solicitor about a will to avoid sideways disinheritance. It’s more expensive but worth every penny

ohmyohmy123 · 28/01/2022 17:49

I would secure money for my children. It's his problem he didn't have any for her. He's disgusting to even say this!!

toppkatz · 28/01/2022 17:49

My neighbour, in much the same situation and owning her house outright, had it written into her will that on her death, the house went to her children, but that her DH had the right to live in it until his death. His exW was still living in his old house and belonged to them jointly.

I suggest you consult a solicitor and draw up an agreement.

Rtruth · 28/01/2022 17:50

Put her half in a trust for her kids…. Job done apart from legal elements. Not really a question but he is defo being a dickhead

Derkle · 28/01/2022 17:51

Why on earth is she even with this deadbeat, let alone marrying him? Reading this OP I whispered "wtf" way too many times!
My partner and I have a child each, none between us, sadly. He has/will have family farm, 1500 acres. If he passed before me, it will all come to me, and when I pass the land will go to his child and the assets we accumulated together will be split between the 2 children.

Anotherinheritanceq · 28/01/2022 17:52

@CaptainNelson

YABU to write 'hence why'. Just 'hence', for the love of god
I can accept that! Grin
OP posts:
MMUmum · 28/01/2022 17:55

We altered our status to tenants in common rather than joint tenants, then we both own 50%, the one who dies first allows other half to live in house until they pass then house is split 50/50 between both families

Carpedimum · 28/01/2022 17:56

Jeez!! Run to the hills lady with the assets! What a CF he is! If this is his stance, I’d be worried about what he puts in my coffee.

Anotherbrokenairer · 28/01/2022 18:05

He's a gold-digger plain and simple.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 28/01/2022 18:07

She needs a Will and to put money in trust for her children IF she marries this dipshit.

Fluffmum · 28/01/2022 18:11

I wouldn’t marry him! It does happen. My mum always tells a horror story about a same situation. Her friend died and her children did not get a penny. Step Dad gave everything to his children. She needs to see a solicitor and get a clause put in her will. I personally wouldn’t even think about marrying someone that selfish

Melx42 · 28/01/2022 18:13

Absolutely do not marry him. He is already gaslighting her and has told her straight that he would leave her children with nothing. He brings nothing to the marriage. Leave him

amispeakingenglish · 28/01/2022 18:18

just run.

Mummacake · 28/01/2022 18:22

Why on earth does she want to marry him? Live with him by all means but don't marry him! If she feels it's necessary to marry him, her will should allow for him to live in the house but it's owned by her kids. He wants to deprive her children of their mothers estate? Nah. #cocklodger

Flippingnora100 · 28/01/2022 18:23

It’s a very strange attitude to expect to inherit everything from her then for only his children to benefit rather than hers in the end… It’s good that they are talking about it though.

My dad and step mum set it up so when one of them goes, the other gets everything, then when they die, what’s left will be split equally between both of their children. In reality my sister and I probably won’t get anything by that point though (step mum is younger than our dad and has a son who doesn’t feel like he should have to work for a living!)

If I were her, I’d probably divide the money between my husband and my kids at the point of my death. Then he’s free to do whatever he wants with his money and the children won’t lose out or be relying on him to be wise or kind.

munchkinman · 28/01/2022 18:23

No way. She needs to put all assets in trust for her children.

OVienna · 28/01/2022 18:27

Christ, the door would be slamming on the arse of any bloke who gave off any whiff of this with me.

(That said - I'm post-menopausal and would probably choose a convent over another partner if anything happened to my current DH.)

Tell that cocklodging gold digger to do one.

LCHH123 · 28/01/2022 18:28

He sounds really selfish and you have to wonder if he's after her for her money. As others have said, "run for the hills."

karlakourt · 28/01/2022 18:31

I think her kids need to prepare for a huge
Disappointment of epic proportions

Why would she marry somebody so selfish?

Nanny0gg · 28/01/2022 18:31

If she really loves him she can let him stay in the house for his lifetime then it's sold on his death and the money split any way she decides.

Personally, I'd let the house be sold with enough for him to buy somewhere, specific bequests left to whomever she wants and the rest to her children.

However I would also be ring-fencing it first in case of divorce. Otherwise he'll get half.

But in reality, I wouldn't be wanting to marry someone like that in the first place.

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 28/01/2022 18:33

Why don't you show your mum this thread? It might make her see sense.

Gnomechomsky · 28/01/2022 18:34

OP show your Mum this thread.
DH is another, his DM married but his SF had no children.
When she died obviously the house asserts went to him, they had spoken many times and he'd assured her that the house etc would go to the children when the time came of his death, as it was their family home and their DF had died.
He met someone who really is vile, alienated DH and siblings, house sold, new home purchased, she had no assets. He died and this woman has all DH's DM's and DF's investments etc and a lovely home, she even sent the eldest a email to state they would never have a claim on what is now hers and that only her children would inherit.

suzy2b · 28/01/2022 18:35

Something summerly happened to my children recently EX left every to wife her will left house to be sold and slit 4 ways 2 her children 2 his thought she would go first , xh died she is now selling house so don't think mine will get anything

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