It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

[anotherinheritanceq]

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

Also your friend should not rely on any promise from him that he will leave something to her children - that's not a legal commitment and there are countless threads on MN where that kind of promise has been broken.

She shouldn't leave that man a penny in my eyes especially if after having the conversation he hasn't even reassured her that he would split everything equally with her children and cares more himself and his kids.

What if they broke up and she suddenly passed before changing the will?! Her kids would be left with nothing.

Even if it's her husband he had no entitlement to anything unless she didn't have a will - it would all go him. But if she wrote a will and left it to her kids he wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Tbh it's a major red flag they way he has responded to the situation!

You know that term 'gold digger'? Well, he's told her in plain terms that this would be the effect of marrying him.

If she must carry on in a relationship with him she shouldn't marry him. Let him fend for himself when she dies. After all, he is right and she would only be putting her children first.

@Sundayrain

My DH and I have recently done our wills and left each of our halves in trust to our children. The surviving partner can stay in the house but the deceased half would be owned by our children, if that makes sense. It's really easy to do. We trust each other but you just never know how things can work out. Just as you describe, my mum's family home ended up going to her stepmother's children after her mum died first then her dad.

How does that actually work?

So if for example you die next week , your husband owns one half of the house and your children own the other half. If your husband then remarries and your children grow up and leave home, they can’t use their half of the house to eg use as a deposit on a flat.

But they still have to pay for half of the repairs and maintenance on the house. Will your widower and his second wife pay rent to the children for half of the house ?

What if your former husband and his second wife live there until her he dies in 40 years time ? Do your children have to wait for 40 year to get their money.

And what if he leaves his half of the house to her with the same rules - that she can live there until she dies ? Do your children have to wait until her death until they get their money ? Will she continue to pay them rent of their half ?

What if the house becomes run down because she’s not willing to maintain it and it decreases in value?

Sorry for so many questions but I see this plan mentioned often on MN and I can’t get my head around it .

Well, good on him for being honest about it before marriage. Can't believe the brass neck on him though!

I'd be fuming in your position. I think I would have to tell my mum that if she went ahead with the marriage knowing what she now knows, I would have to reconsider our relationship. Because I know it's not my money, and you can't count your chickens, etc etc. But that is effectively taking £250k away from me and my family that I would have otherwise got in 30 years.

She (but lets face it really you) need to write a will detailing who is to get what share of your assets. You can stipulate a wish to leave your home and whatever share of money to your children and add a provision for him to live their for the remainder of his life

@MostlyNormalSometimesOdd

She (but lets face it really you) need to write a will detailing who is to get what share of your assets. You can stipulate a wish to leave your home and whatever share of money to your children and add a provision for him to live their for the remainder of his life

It's the OP's mum who is engaged to this train wreck of a man, not the OP.

Just wanted to say thank you everyone for all the advice, I wasn't really expecting any, just wanted to know who was right here. Now I'm more informed I can advise my mum better, hopefully can convince her to see a solicitor but I want to tread carefully here and not look grabby like I said, it's awkward because I'm one of her children. Although we are very close and have a good relationship.

I didn't mean to dripfeed that she was my mum, I just wanted to present the situation neutrally to start with as I didn't want the focus to be on me as a child in this situation or to be called grabby/entitled, but I can see everyone is in unanimous agreement that it is so wrong of this man. I just didn't know if my bias was clouding my judgement.

My mum owns her house and her husband has contributed nothing to it. She took advice from her solicitor and has put a clause in her will that if she dies first, the ownership of the house passes to me and my sister but he is allowed to live in the house as long as he chooses. She was advised to make sure she left a provision for this because if she left him out of the will he could challenge it and get the house. (They do not have a good relationship which is why she would rather not leave him anything.)

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Can you even write someone out of the will if you are married?

Of course you can. You can leave whatever you want to whoever you want.

And this is none of your business anyway.

Why is this none of my business? Sorry but I feel like my mum has made this my business by telling me.

@MostlyNormalSometimesOdd

She (but lets face it really you) need to write a will detailing who is to get what share of your assets. You can stipulate a wish to leave your home and whatever share of money to your children and add a provision for him to live their for the remainder of his life

Gosh there's always one isn't there proclaiming "this is actually you OP" Well I name changed in case my mum is a mumsnetter and reads all my other posts, but if you could see my posting history you'd feel silly for making such a baseless assumption!

He's gold digging/cock lodging.

I normally Rtt. I didn't want to waste my time here.

I can only ask if this is even real?

If i were the child of a mother who would do this, she wouldn't see me or my children again.

I suspect nobody is this moronic and we are being trolled.

Jesus Christ. RED FLAGS WAVING MADLY EVRRYWHERE!!! She should definitely not marry him. This is outrageous

So you'd throw away your entire relationship with your mother if she told you her fiancé said this (and she was upset about it), immediately go NC and pull away her grandchildren, rather than you know, support her to try and make a sound decision and protect her assets? This mother being someone you otherwise had a brilliant relationship with, and she is someone who is rather vulnerable? Some child you are!

I would if she were to act on it.

I would support her firstly- though in the hope she would see what a parasite this man is.

Don't 'some child you are' to me.

Do you know how many people lose their inheritance to fraudsters?

How educated in this are you?

Marrying this guy could be a massive error, and an error that might have a long negative legacy.
He sounds awful. The only good thing is that he lacks a filter and he puts his intentions in plain sight.
If she were my friend or sister I'd be worried.

Make a will, transfer house into her children’s name, get a prenup, The guys a dead beat, how do I know ?
Anyone half decent with no assets wouldn’t even think it’s the right thing to do, let alone Voice it.

@whenthedoveslie

So at first you say I'm either a troll or moron as if this couldn't happen. Then in the next post you say it happens to lots of people. You also give the impression I should have cut her off, but then say yourself you would support her firstly, but that is what I am trying to do... support her! I posted on here to just check my suspicions and feelings are correct, as it's an awkward situation with me being her child. Maybe actually read the thread next time, although you declare it's a waste of your time so I'm not sure why you want to join the thread anyway. A number of people in the thread said it happened to them too. It is not like he said this to my mum and then she laughed and said "yeah, screw my children, I don't care anyway I'll be dead by then". No, she was upset about it!

She should not get married. Then everything will go to her children.
Does he live with her. He would need to make provisions for himself somehow.

@cherish123

She should not get married. Then everything will go to her children. Does he live with her. He would need to make provisions for himself somehow.

He lives in a shared house with other people but is at my mum's most of the time, has stuff there etc, most of the time I go round he is there. They have pets together as well which are at my mum's. Of course I agree with everyone who says they shouldn't get married but not much I can do about that, unless she is actually slowly processing this and does change her mind, they're not getting married soon.

She has every right to write a will leaving everything to her children, he has not contributed to the house one bit. Absolutely unfair that her kids would get nothing and his kids could profit from the hours. Or just don't get married. She needs to get good legal advice.

She would be a fool to marry him. She needs to get to a solicitor’s and make her will as soon as possible. Knowing what she knows she would be betraying her children if she married the odious creature.

She would be an utter fool to marry this man.

YABU to write 'hence why'. Just 'hence', for the love of god