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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's an inheritance one, who is right here?

679 replies

anotherinheritanceq · 27/01/2022 21:14

This one is more about what's morally right than legalities iyswim, hence why I'm posting here.

So someone I know has assets over half a million, not sure on figure but I know she owns her big house outright and has money in the bank etc. She has children from previous marriage, and she is engaged to her partner who also has children. He can't work and doesn't have any assets, he's on disability benefits. Obviously when marrying what's hers is his, fair enough.

However they've been talking about things including wills, and basically it's come up that if she were to die first (and naturally he would inherit the whole lot), once he dies he would pass everything including the house onto his children and not a penny for his wife's children. Of course she says that's not fair that her children would get nothing if she happens to die first, all her children grew up in that home etc. He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

Who is being unreasonable? What's the done thing in these situations?

I know she is now on about writing a will to leave something to her kids but obviously she can't leave her partner homeless and penniless!

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 28/01/2022 18:36

I honestly can’t understand why what he said hasn’t put her right off this horrible man.

AngelinaFibres · 28/01/2022 18:41

Why is she marrying him.

fetchacloth · 28/01/2022 18:43

Deal breaker for me afraid.
I would walk away right now.

fetchacloth · 28/01/2022 18:44
  • Deal breaker for me I'm afraid

Sorry, long day.😅

80sMum · 28/01/2022 18:45

@titchy

Can you even write someone out of the will if you are married? I simply assumed that they had to get something, same as how assets are usually split when divorcing.

Yes of course you can! She could leave him a life interest in her house allowing him to live in it till his death or he finds someone else, then it is sold and the proceeds go to her children. A solicitor can draw that up fairly easily.

Assuming that the person decides to continue with the marriage plans, then this ^^ would seem to me the obvious solution.

If she cuts him out of the will completely and leaves everything directly to the children on her death, then the widower would have a strong case for contesting the will, as presumably, because he has no assets and can't work, he would be deemed to be dependent on his wife.

Leaving him a life interest in the house would put him in a much weaker position for contesting the will, as he will have been provided for within the terms of the will.

Personally, I don't like the sound of him at all and wouldn't marry him in the first place!

Thinkingannie · 28/01/2022 18:46

Make sure she gets a trust she can leave everything to her kids but he is allowed to live there, if she so wishes

Pipsquiggle · 28/01/2022 18:47

So your DM ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY needs to seek legal advice.

This scenario is not uncommon due to so many blended families.

I know 3 couples where the richer partner of the 2nd marriages died first. All of them left their assets to their children, however, the 'new' wife / husband got to stay in the property until they died.

This is what has happened - all the partners that outlived their 'rich' spouse have all lived for a long time after. That means that the 'rich' spouses DC have not been able to monetise the main asset - the house. Most DC could've done with some extra cash but obviously couldn't do anything about it.

Also one of the 'new partners' sold some expensive assets e.g. jewellery, painitings, furniture, silver service

If your DM has expensive assets they also need to audited and stipulated in the legal document.

All of the above can be mitigated by seeking legal advice

csigeek · 28/01/2022 18:49

He’s completely unreasonable.
I would have it written into her will that a % of the house is for her children but on the proviso that the partner remains in the house until he dies, at which point the house can be sold and split between her children and his share to whomever he wishes.

busymomtoone · 28/01/2022 18:51

Run for the hills!!

Tessabelle74 · 28/01/2022 18:52

🎵 I ain't saying he's a gold digger 🎵
But he is actually, so your Mum seriously needs to wake up and dump him

Estheryan07 · 28/01/2022 18:53

She has to write a will.

ivykaty44 · 28/01/2022 18:54

He argues that everyone puts their own children first and it'll be the only opportunity of giving anything to his children because of his disability/not being able to work.

a person who put their own children first is fine

a person who steals from someone else inheritance to give to their own children is morally bankrupt

Pleezgivemestrength · 28/01/2022 18:56

Omg. Where to start on this one. To be honest I am just shocked that this would be his response. But I guess honesty the best policy. So, let me get this straight. He brings nothing to the table, and if anything happens to her, he gets everything and leaves her kids nothing. Get rid. He sounds a chancer. And quite frankly, she marries him without any safeguards, I would be checking my brakes before setting off and food before eating. Sounds dangerous

Waddlegoose · 28/01/2022 18:58

This screams prenupt and an amazing will.

What an awful man, run now!!

MancLass76 · 28/01/2022 19:01

I agree with some other posters about doing a will and leaving the house/assets in trust. My parents have done this as protection if one was to die and the other remarried. It means the living parent could still live in the house but my share/inheritance is protected and would come to me if they sell and release funds or when they then die.

withoutawordofalie · 28/01/2022 19:01

They can become tenants in common. This way when one of them dies the other gets to live in the house until they die. The house is then sold and whatever money there is from the sale is split 50/50 between both families.

withoutawordofalie · 28/01/2022 19:04

Tenant in common also protects your half of the house if the surviving party has to go into care as they only own half the house.
She really needs to see a solicitor on her own.

MargosKaftan · 28/01/2022 19:05

Good luck talking to your mum.

Definitely let her know she could leave the house to you and any sibling with him having a life interest- so he can live in it as long as he likes but it belongs to you and any sibling, and if he wants to move out, it goes back to you to sell /rent out.

linsey2581 · 28/01/2022 19:06

In Scotland you cannot disinherited your children, you cannot cut them out of you will. If that helps

fuckoffjournalists · 28/01/2022 19:12

What?! He can’t be seriously saying that! She could easily put it in trust for her kids and he can live there until he dies. Also but why on earth would she marry this man!!!

Creativenina · 28/01/2022 19:13

I would get him to sign a prenuptial that will allow him to live in the house for as long as he is alive but not own it. I would make the Will to leave the house to your own children. That would seem fair and logical.

Mirw · 28/01/2022 19:17

She can will the house to her children with her partner getting lifelong rent. She can also will money to whoever she feels like. The spouse then gets what is left. Therefore he can't take everything and give it to his children... Greedy F!

Princessorange · 28/01/2022 19:25

If she marries him and doesn't make a will stating quite clearly where everything goes I'd worry he might be trying to bump her off and get the money quicker.

Luckymum82 · 28/01/2022 19:26

The bigger question is why she is still marrying him!

inheritancetrack · 28/01/2022 19:27

See a bloody solicitor rich friend! When she marries get a prenuptial agreement that if she dies first, her husband will live in the house until he dies (or chooses to downsize), he will (if the marriage lasts longer than (say) 10 years own outright a percentage of the house to leave to his children, but the remaining percentage (say 50%) is divided between her children. It's called a life trust and a Will secures her children's inheritance but also allows her husband to live comfortably for life.

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