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AIBU?

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Original poster

About this report at work?

115 replies

whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:13

I manage this person at work. They have not been on my team very long, moved from a similar team but different skill set (IT).

They are pretty good at their job but wouldnt say outstanding, still learning. They have done well in company so far although still relatively junior.

We had a good relationship (or so I thought!) bit of chat / banter on teams etc. Anyway, they think that they are a high performer and are very ambitious, expecting either a pay rise / promo soon. It's not really going to happen so I have been trying to set expectations which went ok but followed up with a bit of a stupid joke about things not being that bad because he has a good job, will get a good bonus etc. and is very well regarded and good at his job. I don't want to say what the stupid joke was because it would be really outing!

Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!

I was a bit set back by being bollocked by one of my reports!! And quite hurt because I really try hard to stick up for my team and listen to their issues.

Do you think I was being unreasonable? Obviously they want a more formal working relationship which is fine I guess?

OP posts:
PrincessNikla · 26/01/2022 22:15

Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!

How do you expect anyone to have a clue??

Wandda · 26/01/2022 22:15

I understand you don’t want to say what the joke was but it’s impossible to know if yabu without knowing what it was

ChuckMater · 26/01/2022 22:16

What was the joke

SniffMyFeet · 26/01/2022 22:17

If it was a formal meeting you should have kept it professional

DrSbaitso · 26/01/2022 22:18

Can't assess the joke without knowing what it was.

I can't imagine it's any more outing than the rest of the story.

cameocat · 26/01/2022 22:19

Inappropriate and not respecting professional boundaries in all likelihood.

LaChanticleer · 26/01/2022 22:19

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.

Wandda · 26/01/2022 22:23

@LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.
You don’t actually know that
SniffMyFeet · 26/01/2022 22:25

@LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.
Why should he? Didn’t they use to say that about women workers years ago ? I thought we’d come further than that
DiddyHeck · 26/01/2022 22:27

Impossible to say without knowing what you said.

Your relationship sounds pretty formal anyway if you refer to the people you manage as 'reports' < shudders >

MeridasMum · 26/01/2022 22:27

If I understand this correctly, you were giving feedback and setting expectations of a member of staff who works for you and who was likely disappointed by what you shared with them, and then you made a joke about their situation?

YAB incredibly U

None of that is funny in the slightest.

DiddyHeck · 26/01/2022 22:28

@LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.
How on earth do you know he's being over-sensitive without knowing him, the OP and what was said?
Didiusfalco · 26/01/2022 22:29

It is really is impossible to know without a bit more detail.

Blueeilidh · 26/01/2022 22:29

Based on the little amount of info you have given, it seems likely you were unreasonable.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/01/2022 22:30

You need to say what the joke was.

I mean if you said it wasn’t that bad as he was good looking or had a big cock it’s inappropriate.

It is the stupid joke he’s objected to, and unless you say what it was you said, then no one can judge.

Merryoldgoat · 26/01/2022 22:30

‘Please can you give me your opinion on something you know nothing about’

Ffs

kagerou · 26/01/2022 22:31

Yeah without the joke its impossible to know @whattodowiththisguy, was it something quite personal to him?

Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/01/2022 22:31

@LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.
Um what? How can you tell when you’ve no idea ar all what he or she said to him as rhe stupid joke in this midst of the discussion?
TheAverageUser · 26/01/2022 22:32

Hard to know without knowing what you said but I've always been ambitious and wanted the next promotion and pay rise. I doubt I would have wanted a manager to laugh about it.

Cocomarine · 26/01/2022 22:32

It’s pointless to ask, without the detail.
“Report” though - ugh.
There’s a time and a place for the bantz, and I think setting someone’s expectations about pay and career when you know they think they’re better than they are is not it, surely?

falalalalalalablahblah · 26/01/2022 22:34

An appraisal is not an appropriate time for the "bantz" and making a joke shows you were either nervous of the feedback you were giving, or didn't take their points seriously.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/01/2022 22:37

Basically op to summarise in the midst of a sensitive discussion you made what you classify as a stupid joke, the employee got upset by you taking the piss like you were mates down the pub and it was funny,

Now you’ve decided you are the injured party, the victim, and he wishes a formal relationship becayse he’s upset you took the piss whilst telling him he’s not getting the career path he wishes,

I think nearly everyone thinks you’re being unreasonable, particularly as you’re too embarrassed to even say what you said to him.

rookiemere · 26/01/2022 22:39

TBH i think he has you bang to rights. You've just told him he's doing an average job, but you tell a joke so you can still be pals. Bad timing and my manager always asks at the end of our 121s for any feedback on her so it's not a one way thing.

Cocomarine · 26/01/2022 22:39

And no they don’t “obviously” want a more formal working relationship. Just a professional one.

Hawkins001 · 26/01/2022 22:44

Some people do have the perspectives that it's A* grade or why try sorta philosophy,