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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this report at work?

115 replies

whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:13

I manage this person at work. They have not been on my team very long, moved from a similar team but different skill set (IT).

They are pretty good at their job but wouldnt say outstanding, still learning. They have done well in company so far although still relatively junior.

We had a good relationship (or so I thought!) bit of chat / banter on teams etc. Anyway, they think that they are a high performer and are very ambitious, expecting either a pay rise / promo soon. It's not really going to happen so I have been trying to set expectations which went ok but followed up with a bit of a stupid joke about things not being that bad because he has a good job, will get a good bonus etc. and is very well regarded and good at his job. I don't want to say what the stupid joke was because it would be really outing!

Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!

I was a bit set back by being bollocked by one of my reports!! And quite hurt because I really try hard to stick up for my team and listen to their issues.

Do you think I was being unreasonable? Obviously they want a more formal working relationship which is fine I guess?

OP posts:
NewYearCalavicci · 26/01/2022 22:45

@LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.
If this had been a older man telling a younger lady to stop been so sensitive and just roll with the joke there would be ( quite rightly ) uproar , How do you know he has been over sensitive when you don't know what has been said ?

@whattodowiththisguy
Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!
Who was the they that kicked off ? do you mean the guy that you made a joke about / too or the team / manager ?

In any case , while it is great to be able to have a laugh with work mates you need to go careful , esp with newer members of staff , they could of been the brunt of similar 'jokes' in there other role or a job .

I would recommend you apologues both directly and quietly to him and more openly to the rest of the team. but be carful not to put the blame on him for not finding it funny
ie dont say - sorry I did not think it would offend / upset you because Fred found it funny
Everyone else laughed sorry you didn't find it funny etc

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:45

Fair enough. It wasn't anything at all personal about him. I did apologised profusely! I think we are ok now.

Only said report for short hand, sorry.

Obviously handled it badly but unsure how to deal with this demand for progress with a bit of an ego on top.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 26/01/2022 22:47

Not sure how saying the joke would be outing unless you said it loudly in front of loads of people. I suspect you won't say what the joke is because you know it makes you look like a dick.

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:48

@Hawkins001 that's exactly it! 'He' doesn't see the point in trying hard if he's not going to get at A*.

OP posts:
DickMabutt73962 · 26/01/2022 22:49

Was it something along the lines of 'don't worry you still have a job, unlike Homeless Joe out the front!'

Can't really see how a joke about someone being lucky to still have a job could be great, but really hard to tell.

Cocomarine · 26/01/2022 22:49

Demand for progress?
Acknowledge that his ambition is great.
Understand with his where he wants to go next.
Profile him against that - does he need certain skills or experience?
Show him where he doesn’t have them yet.
Work on a plan for him to develop / obtain them.
All the normal stuff you do as a line manager.

Then sit back and wait for him to leave anyway because promotions come faster when you move and bullshit your way through interviews..

User8721643839 · 26/01/2022 22:51

The fact you call them 'reports' is going to be far more outing than the joke tbh

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 26/01/2022 22:51

I would tell you whether or not you were being unreasonable, but it would be outing so I’m afraid you’ll have to guess.

NewYearCalavicci · 26/01/2022 22:53

@Usernamenotavailabletryanother Grin

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:54

Ok I said something along the lines of 'come on x, anyone would thing you were a chimney sweep sometimes! You've got a good job, will get a pay rise and bonus. We might not be able to progress you in current role right now but want to support you in whatever path you take'

For context this was 121, I'm taking work off him personally so he can pursue his career goals more, have contacted other people in wider business to see if they have anything he could progress to.. trying quite hard to make him happy but what he wants is near impossible.

But accepted I didn't handle well!

OP posts:
Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/01/2022 22:54

Your posts op kinda read like you think it’s his fault. It isn’t. Have you spoken to others about his progression? Peers or superiors of yours? Have you discussed how to develop him? What he needs to do and learn, achieve to move forward?

S0upertrooper · 26/01/2022 22:55

Your title "About this report at work". I thought this was going to be about a written report, that's my understanding of the word report. Then you say "one of my reports" is this now how managers now refer to their staff? When I worked in the NHS I was referred to by my band (pay grade) and that was so impersonal. Can't comment on your "report's" response but I think YABU to refer to a team member as a "report". How much experience do you have managing staff?

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:57

Yes I have spoken to my manager etc about his progression and have reached out to other managers more focused on his field of work but he's not interested.

OP posts:
Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/01/2022 22:58

Ok, cross posted, is that really what you said?

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:59

Yes that's what I said. We talk a lot about not being paid enough. It is starting to wear a bit thin.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/01/2022 23:03

@whattodowiththisguy

Ok I said something along the lines of 'come on x, anyone would thing you were a chimney sweep sometimes! You've got a good job, will get a pay rise and bonus. We might not be able to progress you in current role right now but want to support you in whatever path you take'

For context this was 121, I'm taking work off him personally so he can pursue his career goals more, have contacted other people in wider business to see if they have anything he could progress to.. trying quite hard to make him happy but what he wants is near impossible.

But accepted I didn't handle well!

That's really patronising and comes across as a 'Know your place, you have no future here because you're not worth it so shut up, put up with your dead end job or fuck off somewhere else'.

It's unusual in that it's been directed at a man.

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 23:04

So I suppose I bit like 'well at least you've got a job so stop complaining' which is why it has upset him. But I didn't mean it like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 23:05

@NeverDropYourMooncup he's been in the job for 4 months!

OP posts:
melj1213 · 26/01/2022 23:08

Yabu - you basically patronised him, told him to be grateful he has a job and just sit down and shut up because he has no chance of progression ... and then you wondered why he might be upset?!

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 23:08

Also had a substantial pay rise 6 months ago (wider team) and promo maybe 18 months ago.

I can't really do anything for him even if I wanted to.

OP posts:
Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 23:09

Ok noted. Don't be patronising!

OP posts:
Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 23:12

Have management experience but not loads of different people, not had this type of situation before but I guess you live and learn. Thanks for the input all.

OP posts:
Puffflashpuffflashbang · 26/01/2022 23:12

Yeah I'd be fuming if you spoke to me that way. Really unprofessional.

Daenerys77 · 26/01/2022 23:14

Please don't refer to another human being as 'a report'.

Theunamedcat · 26/01/2022 23:14

Your trying to help him progress ij the area he wantz to be in and he isnt interested I suggest you stop that and give him his work back if he wants the other area he can use his initiative and go after it himself thats what professional people do