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AIBU?

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Original poster

About this report at work?

115 replies

whattodowiththisguy · 26/01/2022 22:13

I manage this person at work. They have not been on my team very long, moved from a similar team but different skill set (IT).

They are pretty good at their job but wouldnt say outstanding, still learning. They have done well in company so far although still relatively junior.

We had a good relationship (or so I thought!) bit of chat / banter on teams etc. Anyway, they think that they are a high performer and are very ambitious, expecting either a pay rise / promo soon. It's not really going to happen so I have been trying to set expectations which went ok but followed up with a bit of a stupid joke about things not being that bad because he has a good job, will get a good bonus etc. and is very well regarded and good at his job. I don't want to say what the stupid joke was because it would be really outing!

Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!

I was a bit set back by being bollocked by one of my reports!! And quite hurt because I really try hard to stick up for my team and listen to their issues.

Do you think I was being unreasonable? Obviously they want a more formal working relationship which is fine I guess?

OP posts:
InTheMiddle23 · 27/01/2022 00:09

I'm in the "watch your back" camp. Sounds like he's out for all he can get. He's the sort that will likely go over your head to try to look like they should be more senior than you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2022 00:09

@whattodowiththisguy

Good advice *@Doorhandleghost* thank you.

Will strip it right back now. I've recently been promoted myself and think I need to readjust my management style accordingly. Makes me a bit sad though that I have to do that.

That could make it sound like you've just pulled the ladder up behind you.
LovedayCL · 27/01/2022 00:10

@whattodowiththisguy

Well my dad was a milk man do I'm definitely not coming at it from a snobby point of view!
I totally get that, he’s obviously got an easily punctured ego though!
LovedayCL · 27/01/2022 00:11

I don’t have an issue with ‘reports’ either. It’s standard terminology in some companies.

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:11

@InTheMiddle23 I told my manager what had happened. Would rather get in there first!

OP posts:
LovedayCL · 27/01/2022 00:11

Are you female too?

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:13

@NeverDropYourMooncup how do I handle it then? I'm no longer 'one of the team' and might get called out for being inappropriate.. but I can't scale back or I'll look too big for my boots?

What do I do??? I genuinely just want the best for my team hand on heart. But this particular guy isn't necessarily highest on my priorities.

OP posts:
Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:14

I am female yes. My boss also female 90% of team male.

OP posts:
LovedayCL · 27/01/2022 00:18

I know the question wasn’t addressed to me but I would keep on doing what you’re doing for most conversations, but keep anything about people’s level, role, pay, promo etc very factual. For this guy in particular, keep everything factual. The being female might not be relevant but he’s potentially got a bit of a fragile ego and so he’s potentially not going to take things from you well anyway.

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:20

Ok that's useful thanks. It's all he wants to talk about! I'll just say we will discuss pay / progression in quarterly reviews? None of my other guys are like this at all.

OP posts:
Theblacksheepandme · 27/01/2022 00:21

LaChanticleer

Even before you wrote “he” I knew it was a young man. He’s being over-sensitive - he’ll need to learn to roll with things a bit more.

What a stupid and sexist thing to say.

LovedayCL · 27/01/2022 00:23

@whattodowiththisguy

Ok that's useful thanks. It's all he wants to talk about! I'll just say we will discuss pay / progression in quarterly reviews? None of my other guys are like this at all.
You could just repeat the same information as previously, along with anticipated timings for updates (quarterly reviews!).
GreenClock · 27/01/2022 00:32

@InTheMiddle23

I'm in the "watch your back" camp. Sounds like he's out for all he can get. He's the sort that will likely go over your head to try to look like they should be more senior than you.
Yes, I think so too.
Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:35

I've discussed it with my manager and she's in agreement with me. But it has made me feel on edge. I think that may well be his plan!

OP posts:
Wreath21 · 27/01/2022 00:45

'Suck it up, loser, know your place and be grateful for what your betters are willing to toss you.'
Yeah, I bet he was thrilled.

Original poster
whattodowiththisguy · 27/01/2022 00:50

Tell me what I am supposed to say then @Wreath21 ?

Obviously not the bad joke! But that is basically the long and short of it. Not that he's a loser but he could be a 20 yo Elon Musk and I'm not sure it would make much difference,

OP posts:
ImNotDancing · 27/01/2022 01:39

I really don’t see the issue in what you said. He’s new in the job and already complaining, passing off work and pushing for a role that doesn’t exist. He needs to do the job he’s paid for and look out for opportunities across the company that DO exist. There’s only so many times you can say no

Nat94 · 27/01/2022 01:45

I don't really see what you've done wrong tbf. The guy needs to toughen up a bit and show some respect to his manager … although we do live in an age where everyone is offended by everything.

Flickflak · 27/01/2022 01:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Cameleongirl · 27/01/2022 02:30

@LovedayCL

I know the question wasn’t addressed to me but I would keep on doing what you’re doing for most conversations, but keep anything about people’s level, role, pay, promo etc very factual. For this guy in particular, keep everything factual. The being female might not be relevant but he’s potentially got a bit of a fragile ego and so he’s potentially not going to take things from you well anyway.
Good advice from @LovedayCL. I'd also stop lessening his workload (i.e. adding to your own)...if he wants to progress, he needs to do his current job well while also seeking out other opportunities. Step back and just be his manager. And don't make any more jokes, he clearly isn't someone you can joke with.

My immediate boss and I laugh all the time, but we're both easy-going!

ElftonWednesday · 27/01/2022 02:38

You'll probably find he's promoted and is your boss in a couple of years.

tttigress · 27/01/2022 03:50

What area of I.T.? We are facing 5% + inflation and I T. is one are where there is a shortage of people (particular in certain areas). Maybe just being an average performer does demand a raise to keep up with inflation and stop him looking for another job.

(Alternatively he may not be doing something that is not really in demand, in which case you may be right, minus the joke)

tttigress · 27/01/2022 03:53

Also, when the sexes are reversed on these kind of threads, the usual answer is "report the bastard, get the dinasour fired"

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 27/01/2022 03:57

Nothing wrong with calling him a ‘report’. Standard terminology where I work and not demeaning at all. Also he’s been there 5 minutes and is making a lot of demands. You’re a green manager and I think he’s clocked he can push you around. Quit the jokes and stop reducing his workload.

DorsVenabili · 27/01/2022 04:08

Standard terminolgy where I am as well to refer to people as your direct reports - i've never known anyone take offense at that,
As to the joke- - i don't think its that inappropriate (other than to chimney sweeps/if you are denigrating another job) - its a bit inappropriate to say that someone should be happy with not progressing because they are being paid well. I think you are well within your rights/it is appropriate to say that its too early to talk about progression and that you need to see how they go and also that even if they perform well there may not be room for promotion within your team/that role (although i would have expected this to be made clear to them before they moved)
Does seem an over-reaction to me though-would make me feel a bit uncomfortable- are you able to give them critical/adverse feedback at all ?

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