About this report at work?

[whattodowiththisguy]

I manage this person at work. They have not been on my team very long, moved from a similar team but different skill set (IT).

They are pretty good at their job but wouldnt say outstanding, still learning. They have done well in company so far although still relatively junior.

We had a good relationship (or so I thought!) bit of chat / banter on teams etc. Anyway, they think that they are a high performer and are very ambitious, expecting either a pay rise / promo soon. It's not really going to happen so I have been trying to set expectations which went ok but followed up with a bit of a stupid joke about things not being that bad because he has a good job, will get a good bonus etc. and is very well regarded and good at his job. I don't want to say what the stupid joke was because it would be really outing!

Anyway they really kicked off and said I'd been inappropriate and really pissed them off on such a sensitive topic and I shouldn't be joking about it like we are mates down the pub!

I was a bit set back by being bollocked by one of my reports!! And quite hurt because I really try hard to stick up for my team and listen to their issues.

Do you think I was being unreasonable? Obviously they want a more formal working relationship which is fine I guess?

@whattodowiththisguy

Tell me what I am supposed to say then?

1. Much less. Stop trying to be his mate. You're his boss. You don't get to be friends w your staff any more, sorry - at least not until you've worked together for years and have developed a deep respect for each other. Supervising requires a different dynamic esp w new staff.
2. Next time he raises it, be a bit stern. He is wasting your time and being a bit short with him is appropriate. "I've been clear about what we are prepared to give you at this stage in your career and with your current skill set. You skill set has not changed significantly since the last time you asked. Continuing to ask the same question will not change the company's answer. Do you understand?". If he asks again, tell him you'll deal w it in writing then repeat what I've said above in writing. After the first written response, let you manager know that you're going to start ccing her in then do that.
3. It's not for you to give him what he wants. You can only give him what he deserves and what the company is prepared to give. Against, stop trying to be friends. He won't respect you for it.
4. Same advice applies if he is in fact a she.

OP do you know why he moved from the other team to yours?

I'm wondering if he has been passed around a bit by managers because he's been similar on other teams?

For what it's worth, I don't think it was the best judged comment but I think his reaction was much more about being upset at being told "no" than really being hurt by the "joke". When we're upset we often hold on to and magnify something that we think we can legitimately complain about and project our frustration about the actually upsetting thing on to that. That's one of the reasons why, as a manager, it's generally better to be on the more formal side of things, especially when talking about anything that isn't what your report wants to hear.

Joking about something like that as a friend can be a bonding experience and can ease tension and help someone get over it/put it in perspective, but as a manager you are a symbol of the authority thwarting ambition and so you are ripe to become a target for those projected feelings of frustration.

I think it's common for people who are newly promoted to management to be a bit overly familiar with their reports. And it can work well in many ways, so it seems effective. But when you get to the harder bits of management, like telling people things they don't want to hear, it rarely works in your (or their) favour.

Oh dear, all the people horrified at the word “report”. Have any of you worked in an office lately??

When I read the thread title, I was anticipating a spoof thread by "Boris Johnson".

:o

Thanks everyone. Lots of different perspectives!

I've taken loads from this, really really helpful.

@NumberTheory I think there is an element of that with why he moved. I don't think he got what he was expecting at year end. But also just wanted a change with what he was doing.

I wonder if he was ‘upset’ as an attempt to get more attention, potentially utilise the situation by going above your head hoping for a leg up and further his cause? He sounds like he’s that oh-so-common combo of not as good as he he thinks he is and ambitious. My make-dominated industry is wall-to-wall men like that.

In my experience it's HR and their computer systems that encourage managers (like the OP) to use awful terms like "report" and "resource" to refer to people.

Managers need to resist this dehumanizing language.

How long have they been with the company altogether?

You said he came from a different team but this role has a different skillset. Different as in front end dev to full stack dev or different as in helpdesk to data analyst difference?

He's only been in the role 4 months! He knew what the salary package was when he took the job? Bit soon to be thinking of a pay rise, and to keep mentioning it. Sounds like he thinks a lot of himself.

I think your joke was fine. You were trying to make him see the bigger picture. And you've done a lot to help him.

@Stripyhoglets1

I would not be taking work off him so he can pursue his own progression if it's part of his job role. I've worked with men like this before, they believe they are worth so much more but are very good at passing the dull work onto others (usually female) colleagues so they can just do the exciting stuff. You obviously need to go back to completely formal with him - explain how and when pay progression will be discussed - his requests passed up to the decision makers. At the end of the day he's employed to do a hob and if he's really not happy he will need to look elsewhere if it's not feasible to provide what he wants where he is.

This.

@Wreath21

'Suck it up, loser, know your place and be grateful for what your betters are willing to toss you.' Yeah, I bet he was thrilled.

Or ' you've been in the job 5 minutes, don't know all of it yet, are not as good as some other staff, yet you're constantly whingeing about past and promotion. Why not learn your current job better?'

Pay, not past!

Oh dear OP watch your back with this one. I have had the miserable experience of working with people who wanted more money and promotions faster than they were ready for it. People in that mindset will think nothing of trampling over you to get to where they want to be. Make sure you keep a good, accurate written record of any 'difficult' conversations going forward.

As other posters have said he has only been there a few months and knew full well what the salary was before he took up the post.

Stop taking work from him. He needs to do the job he was employed to do. If he wants to progress he needs to be more specific about how he is going to do that. What job/level is he aiming for? What does he need to do to achieve that. Doing less than he was employed to do is no way to show he is worthy of promotion. Can't you find him lots of very time consuming training course to go on. He will soon show his true colours if what he wants is more money without the effort. He needs to show what effort he is prepared to make if he wants to progress more quickly in the company.

@whattodowiththisguy

Good advice *@Doorhandleghost* thank you.

Will strip it right back now. I've recently been promoted myself and think I need to readjust my management style accordingly. Makes me a bit sad though that I have to do that.

It sounds like you're doing a great job OP, I don't think you need to change your management style if it's working for everyone else, but for this guy you need to be strictly business.

So talk about his objectives, walk through how he's doing on them at each review, say what you'd expect a fully trained member of staff to be delivering against them, and say how he is doing against that. Keep it all strictly business.

But just keep being yourself for the rest of them. Part of moving to people management is learning to flex your style as required and sometimes it's not comfortable.