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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:

LuckyAmy1986 · 26/01/2022 16:59

@G5000 I personally would do whatever is best for the son. or should he live in a war zone? (which I presume it would turn into if she started taking over the living room, considering her DH sounds like a prick)

G5000 · 26/01/2022 17:00

Work comes first when you have a London mortgage! If I had DC, maybe I would think differently

Yes you would. You would not demand that your child tiptoes around in their own home all day every day because your DH does not feel like cleaning their clutter out of a perfectly good spare room.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 26/01/2022 17:00

He can’t work in the living room! When we lived in a flat in lockdown, DH worked in our bedroom, why can’t your DH do that?

You do realise that some of us have to? I have no room in the bedroom and nowhere apart from the dining table to work so I have no choice and DH has no choice but to accept it or I change jobs and we have less money.

I appreciate OPs situation is different though and if I had a spare room I'd be in it like a shot!

BlingLoving · 26/01/2022 17:01

The wifi thing is such a red herring (unless you're in the wilds of scotland or something). Just get an extension or any one of the fancy doodads that allow this to work. We have some kind of wifi extender thing that sits on the landing in the loft so that internet in our bedroom is as good as downstairs.

I work in the lounge during the morning. Then, when DH and kids return home, I move to our bedroom. I've just spent 2 hours working on a very intense document while sitting on the bed.

He's being a complete and total dickhead.

Hadjab · 26/01/2022 17:01

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all

This post is a prime example of why constant day drinking is a terrible idea.

LuckyAmy1986 · 26/01/2022 17:02

@onlychildhamster is your post a joke?

onlychildhamster · 26/01/2022 17:02

@G5000 not relevant to the thread but what if there wasn't a spare room. or the spare room was occupied by yourself as a study??

I guess I would send my child to daycare/ nursery? Which you are supposed to do wfh or not.

MarshaBradyo · 26/01/2022 17:04

[quote onlychildhamster]@G5000 not relevant to the thread but what if there wasn't a spare room. or the spare room was occupied by yourself as a study??

I guess I would send my child to daycare/ nursery? Which you are supposed to do wfh or not.[/quote]
Only your set up works for you both as you both wfh but it’s not that relevant to op’s situation where her dh is being unreasonable

onlychildhamster · 26/01/2022 17:04

@LuckyAmy1986 no, just sharing what i think cos i do have a DH who works in the reception room! I appreciate different people have different needs. It isn't ok for OP's husband to work in the reception room because OP and OP's son aren't ok with it. If I was OP's wife, I would probably be fine with it, but then OP's DH never chose to marry me!

RedToothBrush · 26/01/2022 17:05

@caringcarer

I agreed to my dh working from home provided he used small spate bedroom. We cleared it up, moved in large desk and chair and all his books and printer etc. It only works because he largely keeps to the one room.

DH is about to wfh permenantly.

I admit I'm not thrilled about it.

He has been given ts and cs by me because otherwise it will take over.

I liked him wfh initially during the pandemic, but I've grown to hate it and find it intrusive and really affected DS and I.

I am not prepared to tolerate that.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 26/01/2022 17:06

If he's absolutely refusing to budge, even to the spare room, that router would be in the bin. Selfish arse.

MananaTomorrow · 26/01/2022 17:06

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

He can’t work in the living room! When we lived in a flat in lockdown, DH worked in our bedroom, why can’t your DH do that?

I appreciate OPs situation is different though and if I had a spare room I'd be in it like a shot!

I suspect though that if you also had a child with SN that needed to keep quiet all day during the hols, you might also look at things in a different way….

Fwiw DH wfh in the living room (we have no space either).
It doesn’t stop any of us coming and going, dcs to play on the Xbox etc…
It might nit be that quiet for DH but then he used to work in an open space office with 150 other people. That wasn’t quiet either!
Everyone makes an effort.

Basically the issue is that the DH is a part that doesn’t have any respect or consideration for anyone else in the house.
I’m not sure it’s solved by moving to the spare bedroom, accepting him working in the living room or anything else really….

LittleOwl153 · 26/01/2022 17:06

Get him a very long ethernet cable. He can then still be plugged into the hub. We did that for a good 4 months around the initial lockdown when does laptop decided it didn't want to WiFi anymore. Cable can be tacked to the wall do its safe. Or you can get a very long telephone wire and shift the hub upstairs... either way gets him out of the living space.

As others have said I would give him till half term to get sorted then I'd just carry on living...

DarkDarkNight · 26/01/2022 17:06

Give him a limit to clear the room, after which you and your son will revert to using your house as you did before he worked from home. He needs to extend the wire as you say or get a WiFi booster. It’s his problem, not yours.

He shouldn’t be allowed to take over the house. If working from home is better for him then great but it shouldn’t be impacting on yours or your son’s mental health.

G5000 · 26/01/2022 17:06

[quote onlychildhamster]@G5000 not relevant to the thread but what if there wasn't a spare room. or the spare room was occupied by yourself as a study??

I guess I would send my child to daycare/ nursery? Which you are supposed to do wfh or not.[/quote]
Indeed not relevant and OPs child is way past nursery age. If there's no spare room, I would work in the bedroom while the rest of the family is home.

BlingLoving · 26/01/2022 17:07

[quote onlychildhamster]@LuckyAmy1986 no, just sharing what i think cos i do have a DH who works in the reception room! I appreciate different people have different needs. It isn't ok for OP's husband to work in the reception room because OP and OP's son aren't ok with it. If I was OP's wife, I would probably be fine with it, but then OP's DH never chose to marry me![/quote]
Working in the reception room while you're in the office and when there are NO children is about as different to the OP's situation as it's possible to be. How do you not see that?!

Malbecfan · 26/01/2022 17:08

My DH works in an office in the unheated garage. He comes in once an hour for a hot drink then goes back. Yours is being utterly selfish.

However, I disagree with the other posters. Drums could be quite pleasant. You and your DS need to learn the bagpipes, full Highland ones so DH gets the full experience.

Soubriquet · 26/01/2022 17:10

No spare room? You make yourself some room in your bedroom. Even if it’s a lap desk and you sit on bed.

You do not take up the family living room and insist everyone stays quiet

onlychildhamster · 26/01/2022 17:13

@BlingLoving I tend to eat my lunch in the reception. It is still a communal space; albeit one that is shared during office hours. Once I was walking past his computer and his boss piped up '' I can see your wife!'

Datsandcogs · 26/01/2022 17:13

He has a choice, go into work or be home but out of communal living areas.

Time to take back your home, time for the teenagers to have their space in the school holidays, DH needs to accommodate the rest of you and stop being so selfish.

thesugarbumfairy · 26/01/2022 17:14

Selfish fucker. Seriously. You have a spare room. He needs to use it. As many people have said, a TP Powerline does the job of wired internet. I use it as I have to work from home now, and I'm in the spare bedroom upstairs. I work in IT and I need a decent internet connection as I'm always VPN'd into our work network.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 26/01/2022 17:15

I actually really sympathise as when my DH wfh he is also in the living room and it's so hard to 'live' when we have to tiptoe about, keep the toddler quiet, then my DD comes home from school and wants to chill on the sofa and can't! I hate the mess, and it's just shite! Luckily my DH is back in the office now

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 26/01/2022 17:16

I suspect though that if you also had a child with SN that needed to keep quiet all day during the hols, you might also look at things in a different way….

That's why I said OP's circumstances are different. When I first started WFH DH was scared to come into the living room in case he interrupted me. In the end my boss said I had to talk to him and make it clear it was his home and he was to come and go as he pleases (she knows him quite well)! We now muddle along and all I ask is he's quiet if I have a call with a customer, if it's an internal call he can crack on with what he's doing.

XmasElf10 · 26/01/2022 17:16

YANBU and I say that as a long term full time wfh person. You CANNOT wfh from a shared space. You need a spare room or even to use a corner of the master bedroom. It’s totally unfair to disrupt other home users. He needs to clear the spare room and put his desk in there.

Rainbowshit · 26/01/2022 17:16

@AChickenCalledDaal

]]. No electrician or cabling required.

But only if you want to make the spare room work. Personally, I'd hold out for him to go back to the office two days per week.

I second this. both Dh and I work from home. We don't work in the same room as the hub but use one of these.

You have to start just using the living room as normal. he is being very selfish.

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