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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/01/2022 16:39

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all
Did you not fancy reading OP's posts before you commented?

I have been caring for our son for 14 years (SEN) and I care for my mum every day. She lives at the other side of our city.

Hopefully once you see that you'll acknowledge how needlessly unkind your first post was...

Devon1987 · 26/01/2022 16:39

Smash the Wi-Fi to bits. If there’s no Wi-Fi he can’t work from home. Then see a solicitor.

DrSbaitso · 26/01/2022 16:40

@Devon1987

Smash the Wi-Fi to bits. If there’s no Wi-Fi he can’t work from home. Then see a solicitor.
Or just change the password.

FUCKOFFTOTHEOFFICE or FUCKOFFTOTHESPAREROOM would do.

G5000 · 26/01/2022 16:40

why are people saying OP should make the spare into a living room? It's quite unlikely they are the same size and generally, living rooms are better suited for living rooms, and spare rooms work better as home office.
If his only reasonable excuse is wifi, extender will solve that problem. If the issue is clutter, then figuring out a solution there is not rocket surgery.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/01/2022 16:41

@Devon1987

Smash the Wi-Fi to bits. If there’s no Wi-Fi he can’t work from home. Then see a solicitor.
Yep! That would work too! Grin
frazzledasarock · 26/01/2022 16:42

Go about your business as normal. Don’t be quiet for him or stop your DC using the living room, act as you would of he were in the office. That includes do not make him lunch or anything.

He needs a dedicated work area away from the main household that means not the living room.

DePfeffoff · 26/01/2022 16:43

He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room

That's ridiculous. Surely he can get his employers to pay for that if it is for work purposes?

RedToothBrush · 26/01/2022 16:45

@G5000

why are people saying OP should make the spare into a living room? It's quite unlikely they are the same size and generally, living rooms are better suited for living rooms, and spare rooms work better as home office. If his only reasonable excuse is wifi, extender will solve that problem. If the issue is clutter, then figuring out a solution there is not rocket surgery.
Cos I think they took my post seriously.

Arsey man who doesn't listen to words have to be dealt with by other means so he grasps the idea that you are deadly serious and refuse to be paid lip service to.

Taking action and doing something with his shite in the spare room is about getting his attention and is more of a statement of intent which he can't ignore in the same way.

I'd expect arsey bloke to suddenly move his arse to do something. Whether than be to stop you or to help you, is really then his choice.

If its the former, your next stop is the solictor.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2022 16:46

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all.
I mean golly yes OP, why would you 14 yo son with SEN need to be in his own home after school and holidays? Surely you can lock him in his room other than an hour to see Papa is Papa so requests it. And you, having all this free time doing nothing except caring for TWO vulnerable people - surely with the lack of responsibility on your shoulders you could just sit quietly on the sofa so you're beat placed to bring him tea and snacks as required.

Hmm
Singlebutmarried · 26/01/2022 16:48

He needs to buy a Wi-Fi extender. Plug that into the spare room and then run a cable from that.

We both WFH but as I’m part time I get the kitchen table and DH has the office upstairs. My ‘office’ packs into a box and I’ve got it down to a fine art now.

Plus as we’re the only two home all day it doesn’t matter I’m in the kitchen as he’ll make me a coffee/sandwich while he’s getting his own.

BluebellsGreenbells · 26/01/2022 16:50

If you fancy doing an afternoon tea next week I’m sure we can all pop round for a chat?

Or maybe DS’s mates fancy dripping by?

Or you could take up naked yoga?

Or I’m sure you said something about wanting to learn the piano? Maybe DS could join you on the recorder?

Stop tip toeing round him!

godmum56 · 26/01/2022 16:50

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
well you have your answer....he turns the spare room into a proper office....his mental health does not trump yours.
godmum56 · 26/01/2022 16:51

@BluebellsGreenbells

If you fancy doing an afternoon tea next week I’m sure we can all pop round for a chat?

Or maybe DS’s mates fancy dripping by?

Or you could take up naked yoga?

Or I’m sure you said something about wanting to learn the piano? Maybe DS could join you on the recorder?

Stop tip toeing round him!

not the piano.....DRUMS Grin
LuckyAmy1986 · 26/01/2022 16:51

why are people saying OP should make the spare into a living room

She said she has no money and nowhere to go atm. Her and her child deserve a living room. So if he won't move then I would move his stuff out of the spare room (if viable as a living room) and move sofa and tv in there. Then he has his office. It's not about pandering to him, it's about making life comfortable for her and her child. Which at the moment it isn't, as they have nowhere to relax. Then.. I would start considering my options.

DillyDilly · 26/01/2022 16:51

If your DH is refusing to use the spare room, would it be possible to move all his clutter from the spare room, get rid of the bed if there’s one and make it into a living room for yourself and your DS?

Topseyt · 26/01/2022 16:52

@G5000

why are people saying OP should make the spare into a living room? It's quite unlikely they are the same size and generally, living rooms are better suited for living rooms, and spare rooms work better as home office. If his only reasonable excuse is wifi, extender will solve that problem. If the issue is clutter, then figuring out a solution there is not rocket surgery.
I agree. Suggestions to turn the spare room into a living room seem bizarre to me.

Dung it out and turn it into a home office, with TP Link boosters for the router signal.

The living room remains the living room. I'd be resolute on that.

DillyDilly · 26/01/2022 16:53

And since he’s refusing to be in any way respectful, I’d stop making allowances for him WFH and no more being quiet, etc.

onlychildhamster · 26/01/2022 16:53

gosh my DH is lucky to have landed up with an easy wife like me. My DH works in the reception room. To be fair, its because I have the spare room as a home office! I try not to go to the reception room when he is working and if he has a call, I eat at my desk, which isn't that often. Work comes first when you have a London mortgage! If I had DC, maybe I would think differently but I am not sure, surely if I had DC, I would be even more conscious of paying the mortgage. Right now, if either of us lost our jobs, DH's mum has promised us a free place to stay while we rent out our flat to pay the mortgage, we wouldn't be able to do that with a little one!

DH's WFH set up isn't long term though, he would probably have to go back to office very soon...I do like having him around during the day to chat to. I think we would always have a desk in the reception though; there aren't that many 4 bed flats and I am aiming for a 3 bed flat (1 master, 1 nursery, 1 study) as its much cheaper than houses. maybe with hybrid working, we could alternate use of the desk in the study but surely that would depend on the working patterns...DH and I are both aiming to work in the office full time but I think everyone needs to have some sort of functional desk space in the home in case of tube strikes or other problems in the future that would prevent people getting to the office...

1Wanda1 · 26/01/2022 16:53

I wfh mostly and am set up in the living room as my wife has the study. However, on days like yesterday when DD is home sick and we have to take turns looking after her, I move my laptop to the bedroom so DD can play in the living room. It's not fair to occupy the main living space to the exclusion of other family members who are at home. Your DH is being selfish.

G5000 · 26/01/2022 16:53

It's not about pandering to him

Yes, yes it is. there's a third option, start using living room for its intended purpose and stop tiptoeing around the DH. He can either live with it or move to the spare room.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 26/01/2022 16:54

Stop making it so easy for him. Live as normal in the shared spaces. If he wants quiet he can go into the spare room, or back to the office.

Gonnagetgoing · 26/01/2022 16:54

A living room is for living in not just him WFH!

OMG - just seen the spare room is full of his clutter. What a selfish arse. Get him to clear it pronto. Or hire someone to help do it for him.

gamerchick · 26/01/2022 16:58

As has been said, you need to use the living room as normal. If he protests, tell him to fuck off back to the office then or go in another room. Stop making it so comfortable for him.

Gonnagetgoing · 26/01/2022 16:59

I note you said about you being a carer, and your SEN teen son and no income - why are you saying that? You do have tax credits and if not carers allowance then claim that now.

You do know, if you did divorce (not sure why you would) you'd get half the house and pension entitlement of DH etc. Plus he'd also need to provide maintenance payments and to see/care for his son.

caringcarer · 26/01/2022 16:59

I agreed to my dh working from home provided he used small spate bedroom. We cleared it up, moved in large desk and chair and all his books and printer etc. It only works because he largely keeps to the one room.