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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
Icantfindmykeys · 27/01/2022 19:10

It’s an utter pain in the arse the sooner they go back to work the better! I’ve had it too!
I can’t get anything done.
We’ve also got a desk in the living room.
We carry on as normal. I have to chuckle when the dog barks every 5 mins when he is on zoom.
The house is like a bloody sauna - heating on full blast all day!
The only joy about catching Covid was isolating … peace 😂😂😂😂

Tigger1895 · 27/01/2022 19:12

His mental health is suffering anyways. How is it healthy to be in the same room up to 16hrs a day. There’s no work/home separation

starfishmummy · 27/01/2022 19:16

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
So is ours but that is where dh is having to work. Its not ideal and his colleagues probably get treated to flushing toilet noises from the adjacent room on a regular basis Blush
GingerWit · 27/01/2022 19:21

@fizzypop100

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office. He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health. This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room. I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.
This is where I would move his computer to another room and put an air bed in there for him as well. Tell him he's not the only one suffering with his mental health and if WFH will help him with his, then being in separate rooms will help you with yours.
HappyintheHills · 27/01/2022 19:25

I’d dump his crap in living room with him and set up my bed sit in the spare room

Dnaltocs · 27/01/2022 19:28

Is he wanting you to move out?

irene9 · 27/01/2022 19:28

His wired hub is a bullshit reason. All you have to do is buy a longer cable and just run it down to the sitting room. Just tape it to the wall, floor, stairs, whatever. Have you posted before about this same issue? Put your foot down.
DON'T give away your power by crying when 'Dad' is annoyed with you. When you feel the tears, that's you going into your child self. Shout silently to yourself 'dont give him tbe power!'
Come back into your adult self and clearly state 'No. You move upstairs and that's that'.
You can go and buy the longer LAN cable. You can start decluttering the spare room or making a corner for him up there.
You have a right to your sitting room, like anyone in your situation.

Bluesheep8 · 27/01/2022 19:30

*The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Then youclear it.*

No, HE clears it and moves into it to work.

Feeascotime · 27/01/2022 19:34

Him taking responsibility for clearing the spare room seems obvious. Even if it involves costs such as WiFi connectivity.

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 27/01/2022 19:34

When I went remote from my job my boss told me she requires me to have totally uninterrupted, distraction-free space to do my work for the hours I was contracted to work. Is his employer happy with him working around the distractions of children and family life around him?

Ask them?

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 27/01/2022 19:34

No. it's not fair to take your home and turn it into his office. My husband's done this with our bedroom and that was bad enough but if you're using the lounge and kitchen normally like a normal family this is totally unacceptable. I feel angry for you. Is the bedroom not an option? I sacrificed the bedroom for my sanity.

LaDamaDeElche · 27/01/2022 19:49

@hulahooper2

You are being incredibly selfish , it’s his home too . Doesn’t sound like you work if you spend your time at home , is he the main earner. If he’s happier wfh then let him and make adjustments to suit all
What the actual fuck did I just read?!
ladynyland · 27/01/2022 19:54

My DH works from home since first lock down, he has a beautiful home office but this winter has stated that it’s far too dark in there and it’s depressing him, and so he has moved to the kitchen table. That is absolutely fine but we carry on as we normally would in the kitchen. Apparently his co worker find it highly amusing that they can hear dishwashers being emptied, doors being banged, dogs in and out. In fact the whole family has upped the noise on hope that he will soon f’ off back to his home office or even better his actual office !

pinkpantherpink · 27/01/2022 20:04

He sounds like a selfish twat. Sorry

WFH is cont6to ve a common thing and even if it were "only" 2 or 3 days a week he needs a suitable space. Not in the communal space

He needs to shift his shite out of the spare room. Can you a friend to help? Is an outdoor office (shed) a viable alternative?

Needing to be connected via ethernet is terribly retro. Is he not particularly IT literate?

pinkpantherpink · 27/01/2022 20:05

@ladynyland

My DH works from home since first lock down, he has a beautiful home office but this winter has stated that it’s far too dark in there and it’s depressing him, and so he has moved to the kitchen table. That is absolutely fine but we carry on as we normally would in the kitchen. Apparently his co worker find it highly amusing that they can hear dishwashers being emptied, doors being banged, dogs in and out. In fact the whole family has upped the noise on hope that he will soon f’ off back to his home office or even better his actual office !
Love this 😀

I really don't mind hearing normal life in the background on teams calls. Nice to say hello to a meandering cat or bored child 😁

Flickflak · 27/01/2022 20:10

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

pinkpantherpink · 27/01/2022 20:13

@onlychildhamster

If everyone needs a dedicated room to wfh as seen from this poll and most people want to wfh, I take it the demand for 5 bed houses would be very very high. Given that the average family has 2 children and if both parents wfh, they would need 5 rooms in addition to living space + kitchen... Cheapest 5 bed house in my area £1.15 million. I have looked in towns outside london and I don't think they are that cheap either! Certainly there wouldn't be enough to go around... I mean I just looked in Bedford which is considered 'affordable' (and probably quite a suitable destination for hybrid working) and the 5 bed house is £650k and it looks like it just came out from the 1950s (probably need 100k of work). its not that much cheaper than many terraces in outer london esp in south london, which people were complaining about affording pre pandemic! Even in my area of north london, you can probably get a tiny terrace for 800k which was considered perfectly acceptable for a young family pre pandemic if they did not wfh! I just posted a thread about the demographics of 3 bed flats in London and it turns out quite a lot of families live in them- they cost around £750k in my neck of the woods.

I mean I was sceptical about home working in the long run but I accepted that I could be wrong as I thought perhaps people were more flexible about their work conditions, but this thread has taught me that evidently home working does have its fair share of problems as the majority of housing stock in the UK is not suitable for children + WFH parents. And we are the 'lucky ones' as owner occupiers in nuclear households. What about renters in flatshares? What about people in multi-generational families?

Good points we'll made. Our lifestyles and living environments have been comprised.

I'm lucky in that I don't have children. I'm set up in the spare room and my partner has desk in the living area. Became ha e similar roles it works for us. Nice to break for lunch or a cup of tea.

But it can be claustrophobic some times.

A friend has similar situation to OP. Husband works long hours in living area. Sucks for the children and made home schooling harder

Nena1 · 27/01/2022 20:13

@ladynyland

My DH works from home since first lock down, he has a beautiful home office but this winter has stated that it’s far too dark in there and it’s depressing him, and so he has moved to the kitchen table. That is absolutely fine but we carry on as we normally would in the kitchen. Apparently his co worker find it highly amusing that they can hear dishwashers being emptied, doors being banged, dogs in and out. In fact the whole family has upped the noise on hope that he will soon f’ off back to his home office or even better his actual office !
Then he needs to purchase a ring light and a lovely lamp to shine on him. That will give him the natural sunlight feel WinkGrin
Mamamia344 · 27/01/2022 20:22

If you have an outdoor space, I'd invest in a small office and then you can convert it into a garden room if anything changes.

Leftbutcameback · 27/01/2022 20:28

Why does he think he needs a wired connection? Upgrade the router and wifi speed if necessary. Spare room is exactly the place he should be Hmm

Toasterandjam · 27/01/2022 20:43

No wonder you're near to tears OP! My dhs work wanted him to volunteer to work from home but luckily he was able to refuse. Think he would be similar in that he would expect everyone to creep around. Know yours in being a pita but what about saying you'll compromise (you're not really...) by saying you'll sort out his junk room and make it into a nice office for him? Its worth a try.

Shabi444 · 27/01/2022 20:52

On the bright side, it’s nearly Spring and Summer, make the most of being outdoor and out of his way if he is still home..we are in the same boat. Can’t wait til the hub goes back, me and the kids will be able to relax and finally have fun in our living room. He is a nightmare, every break he jumps on the PlayStation and my toddler picks up on his swearing! I’m mentally drained🙄

BoredZelda · 27/01/2022 21:24

This still trundling on to 17 pages but the OP hasn’t been back since page 5?

NYnewstart · 27/01/2022 21:26

This would drive me bananas. I have friend whose dh works in the kitchen. She’s expected to be quiet if he’s on a call. No way.

Fudgemonkeys · 27/01/2022 21:30

I love wfh but am very lucky working in our old garage that was converted years ago. I hope you're able to get DH to move to the spare room if he refuses he'll as selfish p*k.