DH work from home announcement

[fizzypop100]

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

Turn the telly on in the morning. Sit next to him and talk on the phone. Run the vaccum cleaner. Play music. Keep going in and out and banging the door.. Ask him questions. Invite the teenagers friends over (if he won't be rude) Ask your friends over. He can move into the spare room anytime he wants.

But there is a room he could work from ....sell his clutter if not needed or stack to one side, allowing room for a desk, chair, lamp and his work

I absolutely agree with other comments. If he refuses to move his office space to somewhere other than the living room, I would just behave as if he wasn’t there. He’ll soon move when he can’t make his calls without disruption. He is being selfish

I think this post more about DH not listening, not hearing OP. He doesn't give a kkkkk to how she feels, what she thinks, what she needs etc.

You need to teach others how to treat you.

It's gonna take time but you will get there.

It sounds like he might not be fully working if he's in the living room - he needs to move to another room where there's no distractions - even your own bedroom would be better than him taking over the living room every day.

Tell him he has this weekend to sort the spare room and turn it into an office or he goes back to the office part time. It's not just about his health but that of the whole family.

Get him working on decluttering the spare room .. gift him and extention for the hub id not clear it out and make a space for you and your son

DEFINITELY just continue to use the front room as though he is not there!
The cheekiness of his attitude is unreal (although utterly believable, because ya know, people!).
Expecting the whole family to creep around him and not use the family space at all during the day because he can't be assed to clean his clutter from the spare room??!

Nah, put a desk in the spare room and just move his stuff. Or just annoy him until he moves his own ass!

It is totally unacceptable that the whole family is being held to ransom because he is too lazy to make space elsewhere to work.

He needs to sort his crap out of the spare room, get organised and create a proper work space in. If he is citing mental health as his reason to WFH then he should be considering how having a 24/7 office in all of you living spaces and sort that situation out.
If he refuses, I’d be inclined to sort his crap into the bin and move his office there yourself. This is your home not his office.
If he wants a wired connection this should be useful
TP-Link AV600 Powerline Adapter Wi-Fi Kit, Wi-Fi Booster/Hotspot/ Extender, Wi-Fi Speed up to 300Mbps, 2+1 Ethernet Ports, No Configuration Required, Wi-Fi Auto-Sync, UK Plug (TL-WPA4220 KIT) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LXOZ4EN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_82BBHJ72Q121B9BPJDCS?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Why are you home all the time? Could you change what you do?

He's not even pretending an attempt at compromise, is he Fizzy? That request to his manager to continue WFT full time was meant for your ears - a dominance display, pure & simple.

Suggest you buy a trumpet, & get the DC to take up drumming.

(I mean, I actually would do this, but am old & too oestrogen-deficient to give a flying fuck. At your age, & in your situation, I'd be too concerned about Not Being In The Wrong ...)
So, more seriously:

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
Tell him to unclutter it, pronto.
When he resists (he's not a man who enjoys listening to his wife, is he?), tell him OK - you have until (DATE) to keep what you want, anything left in there will be thrown out by me on said date.
Sell it to him - won't it be good to have his own dedicated office?
If he still won't buy - start being noisy in/near the living room he has commandeered.

I have no income, only some tax credits.
No money to get my own flat
Then listen up Fizzy - no matter what happens longer term, you need to up your game re: assertiveness. Between the lines, I'm picking up the vibe that what DH says goes, & you are wary of challenging him. Does he shut you down when you speak up?
Start small - buy this book. Don't let him see it - it's nothing controversial but you don't need to give him any ammo to mock or slight you about.
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Communication/dp/0715654543/ref=sr_1_1?hvlocphy=9073554&hvnetw=g&keywords=a+woman+in+your+own+right&hvadid=259060913469&qid=1643305684&gclid=Cj0KCQiAosmPBhCPARIsAHOen-NnOYM94wk5LFXmlwebfCksyY_nZ6wt_FQAIndmnjwNRY33Moop6C0aAhe_EALw_wcB&hydadcr=10807_1789869&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-320451208514&adgrpid=54820865978&hvrand=7918934038110134859&sr=8-1

Oh god, I put my 2p worth in earlier but another poster reminded me….every single fucking morning my DH would put Radio two on, but on the TV with the Sonos surround sound blasting out, and when a song came on her liked he would turn it up and the walls would vibrate. Then he would pause it for another loud conference all, before blasting it up again. Bugger my conference calls.

I can feel red mist when I look back to that time of deepest darkest lockdown.

Find out exactly what his employer’s policy is on WFH. I would be sure if the living room was acceptable. Our adult son spent much of last year WFH at our house before getting a flat of his own. There were very strict requirements. A room that could be locked and that no one else had access to. Positioning his monitor so that the screen wasn’t visible from a window. Laptop and security tokens kept in two separate locked cupboards etc
Quite understand OP’s DH wanting to work from home but needs to be doing it in a specific place not the living room. Could point out to him that in terms of his mental health, it is generally considered very important to have a designated workspace so that he can ‘leave his office’ at the end of the day.

Ask him questions. Invite the teenagers friends over (if he won't be rude)

Great suggestions from @Scarriff BUT - forget about whether he's going to be rude or not. In fact, if you are wary he WILL be rude, even more reason to ask friends over. Especially adult friends. He's less likely to be awful, & if he is ... "sunshine is the best disinfectant" i.e. unreasonable behaviour thrives in secrecy.

So stop pussyfooting around him, & start shining some sun on his behaviour.

Sounds like you need to start watching Loose Women every day. But of course you have stuff to do in the kitchen so you need to turn up the volume so you can hear it there. Plenty to other daytime TV to “enjoy”. And don’t forget vacuum cleaning. Basically in not extending the internet connection so the hub can be moved and working from the spare room he’s being a totally selfish arsehole.

He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room.
He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room
I would flush the hub down the loo at this point. He’s a wanker and there’s obviously much more to his wankerdom than this. What’s the crap he’s got in the spare room? Is it even usable as a spare room if he can’t find room in there to work?

It's a home, not an office, so he needs to work elsewhere in house. Clear box room, he goes in there! Some people are becoming hermits and stuck in a bubble world!

Why does working from the office affect his mental health? Serious question.

@Yourcatisnotsorry

Why are you home all the time? Could you change what you do?

Ye Dogs this is depressing.

Tantamount to "if you didn't keep putting your face in the way, his fist would miss it."

I'm not saying it's that extreme, before anyone starts - but it is directly comparable.
Why should OP need to vacate her own home to pander to DH's dickish ways? She already has caring responsibilities outside the home, & is raising a child with SEN.
Should she just sit in a cafe all the time she's not caring or parenting, @Yourcatisnotsorry? Is that how they'd do it in Stepford?

Nothing to add, but I feel for you.
He can sort the box room and move in there.
I have a wfh OH with no office space available.
We have a rota for me to do what I need, there's no shite left around or he goes back to the office.
Clock off is 5 at the latest and then I send him out fir an hour to the gym for his commute..

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

He sounds detestable.

Him and his shit =======>>>> out!

I empathise with you completely, it must be horrendous.

Difficult one.
When I read the beginning I thought you were BU.
However, I would say YANBU. DH needs to work in the box room. Either that or tidy the box room, keep stuff in there and sometimes sit at kitchen table (with computer and no clutter). Maybe you could turn box room into nice office for him. I would be depressed if the lounge was a mess with his stuff.