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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work from home announcement

477 replies

fizzypop100 · 26/01/2022 14:56

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 26/01/2022 22:15

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter
Sounds like this is a good weekend to clean it out
AcrossthePond55 · 26/01/2022 22:21

@RedToothBrush

From my post:
Frankly, I'd carry on as usual since he does have an option to use another room. If he doesn't like the disruption, he can move.

and

...one person's right to WFH doesn't trump another person's right to peaceful enjoyment of that same home

OP cannot force him into the other room just has he cannot force her to sit still for the day. That's why I'm saying that OP just needs to get on with living her life. If he doesn't like it then he can move.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 27/01/2022 00:01

Other people have made good technical suggestions about the WiFi.

I'm going to suggest very effective noise cancelling software as well.

I've recommended these before but if you have environmental noise like loud family on other calls then think about a noise-cancelling app. There are others but I recommend these (I have no conflict of interest). They work with hundreds of platforms. Free (very limited/and trial versions available but otherwise a cheap-ish subscription).

Look at the various reviews on YT and similar.

krisp.ai/?

Meatshake · 27/01/2022 00:12

My oh has been working from home since the pandemic and as times gone on we've become really strict about mixing business and personal zones in our house. This is always going to be a home first and foremost and I will not have our young kids creeping about too scared to make noise- much like your teenager will have done they've already lost out on enough shit during the course of the pandemic, they don't need to lose their carefree safe space as well. Work stays in the work room, the kids stay out of it.

Cherryblossomtree99 · 27/01/2022 00:14

@glassofbubbles25

I was going to vote bu until you said he won’t move out the lounge. He works elsewhere but not in communal spaces
This. 100% this.
ZZTopGuitarSolo · 27/01/2022 04:24

He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room.
He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room

And what did you say to him in reply to this?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/01/2022 07:32

OP cannot force him into the other room just has he cannot force her to sit still for the day. That's why I'm saying that OP just needs to get on with living her life. If he doesn't like it then he can move.

That's what we've done. At no point did I tell DH he wasn't allowed in the living room, I made it clear that if work want me to work from home they have to accept his our home before it's my office. I remember laughing at an email that was sent round at the beginning telling us to make sure we have confidential calls in private. Not possible in our flat unless I tell DH to sit in the garden!

We've now gone from him feeling awkward in his own home while I'm working to ripping out the kitchen and fitting a new one directly behind me!

beautifullymad · 27/01/2022 09:20

If he needs a hard wire connection from the hub for internet access you need to look into this. My son did this as he doesn't like wireless connectors when working. It was a simple solution.

I'd say look into getting a hard wire installed from hub to bedroom. Or look into getting the router moved. Both are fairly simple tasks and won't cost much.

This will make your lives so much easier. If you look up the details you can present him with a date an engineer is coming in. If it's far enough away you can cancel without a penalty should you need to.

But hopefully he'll see sense and he can't really argue as you will be providing him with what he needs. In fact it may even be covered by his work if he asks.

I'd get him a stack of boxes to start clearing the clutter in the office/ spare room ready for him to move in.

TatianaBis · 27/01/2022 09:59

You don’t need to move the router you can just get a mesh repeater, then he can do a wired connection to that if he wants.

Or if cable broadband is available the cable can go directly into his study first.

Graphista · 27/01/2022 10:16

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

He's being a selfish arse!

HE needs to sort it though and tidy that clutter THIS weekend. That includes buying and building storage if necessary - trip to Argos for him!

Create a space for him to work in there that means he is not inconveniencing everyone else in the home.

That's the very least he can do to resolve this.

Mh is important - for everyone involved!

Otherwise you are living in his office, not him working from home.

Excellent way of putting it!

He "won't" do x y z to resolve this is unacceptable. He is not the only person in the home and he isn't the only person in the family!

Ponoka7 · 27/01/2022 10:26

This is unreasonable behaviour and grounds for divorce. He isn't the King of the castle. It's either sort the wired connection out, which is feasible if WFH is now permanent, or give your son the spare room as another living room. Your DH doesn't get three spaces to use as he wants. I'm hearing MH spouted more and more from men who want to do something that is in their interests only.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 27/01/2022 10:46

Tell him to clear the spare room. Not ask, tell. He can use wifi, he does not need a wired connection - or if he does, he can go to Argos and get an extension lead (or order from Amazon).

FGS what is wrong with these men?

Tell him that he either goes back to the office or he clears the spare room THIS WEEKEND (book a slot at the local tip if you need to) and makes that his office.

Otherwise you use the lounge as you would and if he gets irritated you say he had a choice. More than one, in fact. Your home is a home, not his office.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 27/01/2022 10:48

Or he can buy a mesh repeater as a pp said. I bought one from Amazon for about £65. It bounces our signal out to my garden office so it would certainly work within a house.

DePfeffoff · 27/01/2022 12:41

Can you use a mesh repeater if you need a plug-in connection? As I'm thinking of moving my WFH space to a room without a direct connection I have a personal interest!

pricklepear · 27/01/2022 13:39

I wfh. I have an office but it's so cold I just go in the bedroom most of the time so He should relocate asap imo.
Not sure if your dh has to partake in video calls but he'll have to take them in the messy spare room won't he. And no call lasts all day long. My dh also wfh and he stays in the bedroom too because it's warm unless he's got calls and then he goes in the office.

I wouldn't say anything to your dh, I'd just 100% continue my life as normal ignoring his presence and if he doesn't like it he can go in the spare room. He's not up for a discussion by the sounds of it after all. And I quite liked the idea of starting the saxophone up above. Quick tip though, recorders are as effective and about £10.

TatianaBis · 27/01/2022 14:52

@DePfeffoff

Can you use a mesh repeater if you need a plug-in connection? As I'm thinking of moving my WFH space to a room without a direct connection I have a personal interest!
Yes.

I have a Fritzbox router, a router repeater, and can have a wired connection into the repeater if necessary (I have ultra fast Virgin business broadband so I don’t need the wire, but you just stick it in the router port).

DePfeffoff · 27/01/2022 17:12

Thanks, @TatianaBis, that's very good news!

gunnersgold · 27/01/2022 17:24

My husband has worked from home for 20 years and has always had a separate space that doesn't affect me .
He is being a dick if he thinks working from home thinks he takes over the whole house ! 🙄🙄

Unsure33 · 27/01/2022 17:32

@fizzypop100

Have you put your foot down yet and got him to sort the spare room out ?

mumof2exhausted · 27/01/2022 17:32

YANBU - my husband has been working from home and it’s driving me insane (I’m home on mat leave).

theonlygirl · 27/01/2022 17:33

He's being completely unreasonable. He needs to find a solution to his WIFI problem, clear out his crap and make himself an office in the spare room. Most people aren't lucky enough to have a spare room, he's being an entitled prick. Stop making his life easy, live normally in your living room till he fucks off upstairs. Angry

LianneCL · 27/01/2022 17:35

@Whingasaurus

Stop being quiet on the living room use it exactly as you would if he wasn't there. He's not considering you or he'd be in the bedroom where he can find peace and quiet to work.
100% this and what a wanker your DH is being!!

Mine decided he was going to have a standing desk in living room when I came home from hospital with our newborn… I told him that it was fine provided he was ok with me watching Netflix & our baby crying

It lasted a couple of weeks and then my incessant need for tea & a more noisy baby meant he soon scurried back into spare room/study

Shona52 · 27/01/2022 17:35

Yanbu. Fully understand he wants and prefers to work from home. I do too. But not to the detriment to the rest of the family. We now have an office space in the attic. I either work from the dinning room/family room. My hubby gets the living room. And if my DS is home I work in the attic and he has the family room.

It has to work for all of you. Either he finds a place away from the rest of the family or he goes back to work. He is being selfish otherwise.

Pinkfluff76 · 27/01/2022 17:36

What a selfish arse. Good luck

D0lphine · 27/01/2022 17:37

Here's what I would do.

Hire a skip and put all the shit from the spare room in there.

Get a man in so the internet works there (this should be fairly simple. Pay from family money. Not your own personal money.

Then move his desk upstairs.

If he doesn't like this it's fucking tough. Time to put your foot down.

Can't believe you have a spare room and it's unusable because of his crap. What a waste!