DH work from home announcement

[fizzypop100]

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

Why on Earth won't he extend his wired connection to the spare room? You only need a Powerline adapter, they are easy peasy to set up and not that expensive. He's being beyond unreasonable, I'm starting to wonder if he's intentionally being an arse. Your home is not a workplace, you need your living room back, so tell him you're resuming normal family activities in your home, and he's to sort out the spare room.

Who are these men you all describe. I just couldn’t tolerate it. I WFH with my husband. We have a desk each in our spare room. We work harmoniously & quietly, stopping for a natter or a break as we need. Private calls etc, we go into another bedroom on our laptops. We don’t bother each other at all but he is good company, I’d hate to be alone all day.

Guess I’m lucky but I certainly wouldn’t tolerate OPs husbands behaviour. I’d be leaving him until he sorts himself out. I refuse to be in relationships that are frankly miserable. Relationships should be give & take. Equal. Mutual. Kind. Loving. He is non of those things. He moves into the spare room or he can move out. In the meantime, I’ll be off to stay at hotel until he makes a decision 🙄

Ltb. Seriously. Selfish, selfish horrible man. Sounds like my stbxh.

@User764832

what is it about wfh that makes men shout more on the phone or at computer, people don't shout in the office.

Attention seeking. Some men exhibit the same kind of behaviour when they sneeze. Super loud 'WAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' so the fucking cows in the field half a mile away jump out of their skin. Yet never do sneezes so loud in public. They talk really loud on the phone too, and laugh really loud at stuff on TV. Bet they don't do it when we're not there.

YANBU @fizzypop100
I absolutely hate working from home and how normal it is now.
Home should be your relaxing, safe place. A place you leave work. My dad worked form home as he was self employed and I HATED it. Any of his work stresses or worries (which he never actively shared but was obvious) dictated the vibe and moods of everyone at home. There was no escape, it was there all the time.
I do not blame you for feeling like this and I'm so annoyed your husband isn't listening to you!

He's being really unreasonable. It's not fair to turn your living room into an office. He should be in the spare room and to be honest if he's able to he should go into the office a couple of days a week to give you a break.

I think a lot of SAHM have decided to go to work now they have partners in the house all the time. It's just not sustainable to be in the house all the time with the same person. It would drive me bonkers.

I think you need to look into carers allowance too and maybe find a way to have some financial independence. It sounds hard work for you.

Hire a cleaner to come and empty his stuff from box room, get him to pay for it, use box room as his office.

I mean even having my husband in the upstairs office room/laundry ironing room drives me mad! The kids have to tiptoe when they're up except they're so young they end up screaming and I'm there to having to tell them to be quiet in their own home when they're having fun! Baby goes down for a nap and suddenly husband has a meeting so all I hear is a bunch of noise from him. I don't know what to expect and when. I walk in to iron some clothes and get a moody look like why are u here disturbing me look. Arghhh drives me mad. I feel u. But him being in the living room is mad!! Don't know how u cope.

there is no holiday now until february surely?

If everyone needs a dedicated room to wfh as seen from this poll and most people want to wfh, I take it the demand for 5 bed houses would be very very high. Given that the average family has 2 children and if both parents wfh, they would need 5 rooms in addition to living space + kitchen... Cheapest 5 bed house in my area £1.15 million. I have looked in towns outside london and I don't think they are that cheap either! Certainly there wouldn't be enough to go around... I mean I just looked in Bedford which is considered 'affordable' (and probably quite a suitable destination for hybrid working) and the 5 bed house is £650k and it looks like it just came out from the 1950s (probably need 100k of work). its not that much cheaper than many terraces in outer london esp in south london, which people were complaining about affording pre pandemic! Even in my area of north london, you can probably get a tiny terrace for 800k which was considered perfectly acceptable for a young family pre pandemic if they did not wfh! I just posted a thread about the demographics of 3 bed flats in London and it turns out quite a lot of families live in them- they cost around £750k in my neck of the woods.

I mean I was sceptical about home working in the long run but I accepted that I could be wrong as I thought perhaps people were more flexible about their work conditions, but this thread has taught me that evidently home working does have its fair share of problems as the majority of housing stock in the UK is not suitable for children + WFH parents. And we are the 'lucky ones' as owner occupiers in nuclear households. What about renters in flatshares? What about people in multi-generational families?

I think the person wfh is often so delighted with it they don’t really give a shit about how it impacts on others. There was someone on a thread yesterday who did pastoral care with a four year old present and couldn’t see an issue.

@Bobholll I have people calling me at all times of the day, i need a private room and so does DH. which is why i am in the spare room and he is in the reception room. If Dh comes in to chat and I have a call, DH leaves and closes the door behind him. We tried working together in 1 room before, it does not work.

OP what happens if you crack on with your day around him?

I'm still working from home as well. Everyone else has gone back.
I still work from the small bedroom because it's not fair that the kids have to have their downstairs space curtailed.
Even if it's only for an hour after school and the holidays.
Your DH is being an arse.

How does he react if you dare enter the living room or run the hoover or something? Does he get angry?

He’s being a selfish dick. He needs to sort the spare room so he can work in there. TBH though with his attitude and selfishness it probably won’t solve the problem. The DH problem.

Use the time he’s working in your living room to clear out the spare room, then shift his stuff in there. Or move yourself into the spare bedroom and put his desk in the bedroom. Reclaim your home!

So the DH thinks he has the right to commandeer two rooms just for himself - the living room to work and the spare room to store his junk. Why would I not be surprised if he did any/all of the following...

Has a hobby that takes him out of the house for at least a full day at the weekend, and three nights during the week ('cos - mental health).

Does very very little to nothing in the house ('cos OP is at home all day and has nothing else to do with her time obviously).

Always has to have the last word on all family decisions, whether they're financial or not ('cos he earns all the money).

Is controlling about what OP can spend money on and questions her for her purchases even if they're for the DCs ('cos - see above).

Somehow if he can throw his weight about like this over WFH, I doubt it's the only thing.

The pair of you need your heads banging together. Clear out the spare room and stick either a wired connection in or try wireless repeaters.

You have the space, a whole spare room free. This really should be a non issue. Tell him to sort it out this weekend or accept working in the communal area means noise, tv etc.

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

He needs to clear out his clutter quick smart and work there or go back out to work.

Is he even working or really watching the TV?

100% what everyone says. You and son need to start living in the living room and emptying his shit in the spare room. Just say my mental health demands I and our child have a house we can live in, this is universally recognised as a precondition for stable mental health, unlike your insistence you take over our house for work and never go to the office again.

I would save your breath and file for divorce for unreasonable behaviour- after April there's fault free divorce in England. While your son is school age your housing needs are greater and you will have enough for a roof over your head. You can claim UC from the minute you declare yourself separated, even if still in one property as long as you do indeed lead separate lives - no cooking or washing or bedsharing for him. Your life would be better without this petty dictator. I've only read your thread till 15.50 today but I think I have him sussed

I see someone voted YABU.... I think your OH must be on here

He wants to be next to the hub with a wired connection..the hub is in the living room.
He won't extend the wired connection to the spare room

He doesn't need to extend the wired connection to the spare room to get a wired connection. All he needs is two powerline adapter's, one plugs into the modem and directly into a power point, the other plugs into the power point in the bedroom and into the ethernet port on his computer tower or lap top, they use the powerlines to create a direct connection to the hub.

@fizzypop100 see my post above about powerline adapter internet connections. I meant to add this www.cordbusters.co.uk/best-powerline-adapters-uk/

OP -- you gonna move his clutter into the living room & then use the spare room as a living space?

-only here in case OP posts again.