DH work from home announcement

[fizzypop100]

I have told DH my feelings on him WFH. He's been at home last 2 years and I can't stand it any more. Said there needs to be some compromise, just one or two days a week in the office.
He's just been speaking to his team leader and asked to WFH for the foreseeable future. I have just told him he's being selfish. His answer was "my mental health". I told him it's affecting MY mental health.
This house is totally dominated by his work. He will not move his computer and desk out of the living room. School holidays are miserable as our teenage son can't do anything as dad is working in the living room.
I'm being an adult right now but can feel anger and tears building up.

he can get another hub .

put your foot down - say he must sort out the wifi and clear the spare room . Tell him he can treat himself to a new desk and chair on all the money he is saving on travel .

but he must move his office space !

@affairsofdragons

YANBU

I would tell him your mental health can no longer take it and you are now considering a separation.

He is selfish. He either sorts out his clutter and moves into the guest room immediately, or he goes back to the office. He is not being fair to the other people that live and have to function in the home.

Totally agree. Taking over the living room is very selfish when he has other options that mean his family have some space as well.

Use the living room, watch TV, invite friends over, get a good friend drunk, spill something (water) but make a good fuss of moving furniture to clear up. Play loud music, definitely get your teenager and mates involved on multiple occasions. Party time!!

^^
This 100%

It’s one thing to want to wfh and another to take up the communal areas of the house.

It’s not fair to restrict your movements and your sons in this way. He can sort out his internet and clear out the spare room or go back to the offixe

I like WFH, I will be upset if my husband tell me I am making him mentally ill for being at home all day.

However, he is unreasonable when he has a spare room to turn into his office. Our spare room is full of clutter, DH still mamaged to find space for a table / laptop monitor to work with. I put a small table in our bedroom, not ideal but good enough to be productive. We use powerline to get Internet connectivity from power sockets in all the bedrooms so no rubbish WiFi around the house.

May be it's time for you to chuck help him declutter the stuff in the spare room...

Oh OP, this is rubbish for you.

Assuming it's not a deal-breaker for you (and it possibly would be for me), the only real option is for him to use the spare room. I would find it very difficult to cope, though, knowing that someone was trying to work in the house all the time, even if in the spare room. When does your teenager get to be a teenager? Not that they are all noisy and play loud music - I have had my share of teenagers, so know they are all different - but their home is their home, not a workplace. As PP have said, I would start to use the rest of the house 'normally', with the radio/TV/whatever on, talking etc, etc.

But mainly I'd like someone to listen to you and give you a hug.

@hulahooper2 are you on glue? Have you actually read the OP posts. Please come back and try and defend your ridiculous comments

And that was genuinely a 'hug', not a 'hub'!

Oh OP I would go batshit at this. My dad also insists on working in the living room, which is open plan with the kitchen. This means my mum piddles about unable to do anything while he works. So fucking selfish. If i pop round to see her we have to be shut in a tiny room together. I don't visit anymore, she comes to me.

Honestly you need to just continue as normal and I would be quietly sorting his shit out of the spare room and throwing it away.

The answer is the spare room, implementing might not be so easy.
Could you dump his stuff and use the spare room as a second lounge?

YANBU @fizzypop100 IMO, it's weird and abnormal for men to be stuck in the house all day, and weird as fuck for them to be doing their actual JOB there!

My DH was furloughed for about 3.5 months... late March-early July 2020, then went back for 5 months, then was furloughed again in November 2020 for SEVEN MONTHS til June 2021. NGL, he drove me round the bend!

I work from home, and have done 10 years. My job is a WFH job, and I do it around 28 hours a week. It takes a lot of concentration, and him being around (when I was working ) made me so stressed. He wouldn't stop chatting, giving me a running commentary of what he was watching on TV, and asking 'how do you spell perfect? Is it 2 Fs or 1?' and other spelling questions, and 'does this sound all right to you?' when he was composing a fucking tweet, or facebook post! He would also keep reading out new items, and 'jokes' and 'funny' little posts people had tweeted on Twitter.

He was disgruntled when I said I am moving my home office/work into my bedroom. 'I'll be on my own' he whined. I said 'well you'd be on your own if I was out at work in an office!' Even then though, he kept popping in like a bored child saying 'what's for lunch?' and 'what's for tea?' and 'fancy going for a walk?' and 'how do you spell 'magnificent? Is it 2 Fs or 1?'

I properly had a go at him several times, and said he cannot badger me like this when I am working... He skulked off like a scolded child, and then 2 days later it was like the conversation never happened. He was bugging me again. I was really angry and frustrated.

When he went back to work in June 2021, I was over the moon! He enjoyed being at home so much that he is constantly trying to find a WFH job, so he can stay at home. He also said he wants to retire at 60, only 18 months away. I am screaming inside. 'Noooooooooooo!' He can't though as he will have no income.

He is SO desperate to stay home now, but as long as I am working (from home) I pray a WFH job never happens for him. If it does, I swear down I will just go to the library, to work there.

I cannot work with him at home. Even if he is working he will still constantly chatter. I love him, but some days, he cannot go more than 30 seconds without talking. He even repeats things he said an hour ago if he can't think of anything else to say.

You have my sympathy @fizzypop100

Would it be possible (and you shouldn't have to) to turn the small box room into your room? You and your son go up there and have a spare tv etc etc in there during the day? Of course he would be expected to make it tidy and do the tarting it up.
Is there a reason he can't get one of those hub extenders?

Wow what an entitled twat he is.
Tell h8m he moves his desk to the spare room or you will turn it into a second living room and bin his clutter.

This would probably be a deal breaker for me - he sounds awful.

Can you clear out the spare room and then move everything into it. If he protests, give him an ultimatum and mean it. He doesn't move because he's getting away with it.

(were you the PP that posted before that the DH had his guitars/gaming stuff in the spare room and refused to move it?).

If he doesn’t sort out the spare room and absolutely insists on staying in your living room, I have another suggestion.

Clear it out. Put a bed in it. Make your room YOUR room. And carry on using the living room as you would normally.

If he complains about that? Build a nice little sanctuary shed. On top of your new patio.

I think you need to take things into your own hands here
Sort decent wifi
Tell “d” h that enough is enough and he can work from spare room from Monday
Either he spends the weekend decluttering or your take it to the tip foe him.

I agree.
You shouldn’t have to but he definitely needs a push in the right direction - he clears the spare room or you clear it for him.

Huge NO to all the people suggesting he moves into your bedroom to work instead. Thats barely any better than the lounge.

Time to clear out the spare room! Or return to more regular working in the office.
And definitely quit tiptoeing around him

My DH is refusing to go back to the office as well and it is driving me mental. He works from our bedroom but he will keep popping into the living room where I work to make snacks, watch a bit of tv, read the paper etc. Grr..... I have told him he has to go back to the office twice a week at least. I try to get out myself to a cafe if I can.

Dh wants to retire early and it really does not bode well for our relationship.

Oh also since he works from the bedroom, I can't go in during the day to change my clothes or stuff. We don't have a spare office room; it's the bedroom or nothing.

I couldn’t or wouldn’t tolerate that !! There is no way would I allow him to dominate your entire home life!! Very selfish !!

@fizzypop100

The spare room is packed full of his clutter

Then I would say he needs to boom a few days or week off work and sort it out. By himself. So that he has a permanent set up for the long term

DHs need a lot of outdoor hobbies when they retire, we are retired and fortunately DH enjoys fishing, cycling, running, stargazing, all good stuff that keeps him busy.

He did wfh at the start before he retired, in the spare room, I could hear him shouting at the screen through the door, what is it about wfh that makes men shout more on the phone or at computer, people don't shout in the office.

He's so horrible, he has the perfect solution of a spare room, that so many don't, and he won't sort the wire and a clear out for the wellbeing on his family. I'd make it clear he's got 2 weeks and you'll stop tip toeing round him in the lounge. He can go to work or sort out the spare room.

2 years wfh has only been possible 8n our house as there is a room allocated as an office which doesn’t affect anyone else. YANBU

He is being unreasonable!

If he wants to work from home then he has to do that from the spare room. I am currently at home with a 3 month old. There is no way my partner would be working in the living room. He stays in the spare room and works from there. I use the rest of the house is if he isn't here, and have had mum friends over for play dates with their babies.

Agree with others. Make lots of noise.