To not want to take bra off in front of new boyfriend

[RosieDRosie1]

Hi all
I've been seeing a guy and it's going really well. I will be staying at his place next weekend and I imagine we will end up having sex. I'm a single mum and this is my first relationship since having DC (7 and 4yo). I like to think I'm in good shape, a size 10/12 and have a nice figure. However, I have really large breasts (F cup) and I breastfed both of my kids until they were 2. I see my boobs as big and saggy and I'm so self conscious about them. :-( New man is lovely and would never say anything, but I am paranoid it might put him off me. Any tips to increase my confidence? Thanks everyone.
Rosie

I understand how you feel op - from personal experience I think it's different a new person seeing you naked to the person you had children with, who was part of your body going through the journey it has been on (pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding/getting older).

I am very self conscious of my stomach as after having 2 children it has some loose skin/stretchmarks and a bit of a hang from my c-section. It didn't bother me so much when I was with my ex husband as we went through that process together, but it feels different with my dp who I have been with for just over 2 years.

He doesn't understand why I feel like this and loves seeing me naked but it doesn't change how I feel.

I think what others have said is correct though, he will just be happy to be naked with you and will probably be to busy thinking about his own body hang ups (is my penis too small, can I get/keep an erection, am I muscly enough, etc).

Enjoy yourself op.

I know how you feel OP. I'm not as big as you but have D cups and have breastfed for 7 years, so I'm very self conscious.

You don't have to take everything off though, as pp has said, wear something complicated to get off or that pulls down easily and still provides a bit of support and I doubt he will be that bothered. Quite a lot of people have saggy boobs. I don't think you will be the only person. It would be unrealistic to expect massive boobs to not be a lower than a pair of A cups. It's the laws of gravity!

On a side note, how did you wean? I'm finding weaning advice really crap and desperate to wean my two year old. Any advice?

My boobs are hideous post breast feeding.

I have a FWB and my bra (or top) stays firmly ON!

He doesn't mind. I have explained why. He might not think they are as awful as I do but I also wouldn't be able to enjoy sex with them out so it's best for both of us if they are covered. Appreciate that this is a FWB relationship and not an actual romantic partner with a future together. So your situation involves a lot more trust / connection. Just saying that sex with a bra on is also a perfectly ok option. Especially the first few times until you feel more comfortable.

I haven't even had kids but my boobs are hideous. A combination of genetics and extreme, repeated weight loss and gain due to binge eating problems. They are large, they point south and they drop several inches when the bra comes off because they are practically empty at the top. They look like burst balloons and I hate them so much I could cry.

DH thinks they're great and gets upset when I say how awful and ugly they are. He doesn't see what I see - he's just happy to see boobs

@Wotsitsits

You might not want him touching your boobs?

I bf 2 babies and have zero interest in my boobs being involved in sex ever again. I can just about stomach DH having a quick look but usually keep a t shirt on during sex and he is definitely not allowed to touch.

My body, my choice. The important thing is DH respects me enough to have a frank discussion and not be a rapey bastard about it

Is it a choice though or are you just insecure about them?

Hi OP

I know exactly how you feel. I haven't even had children but have always been self conscious of my large, saggy boobs to the extent that I have been single for a really long time and it is the main thing stopping me trying to meet someone because I just think anyone would be completely put off and I would be so embarrassed. The comments on this thread have given me a little hope! I hope they have made you feel better too, it's lovely to hear some positive experiences!

xx

@Gemi33

Don't let it put you off meeting someone!!

It's partly what put me off for ages. Even in my 40's I had (I realise now) great boobs. Larger than I'd have preferred, but full, bouncy, self supporting🤣etc.

However, I got older, they got less full/more droopy etc.... lockdown has NOT helped!!

In recent years I've been very self conscious now they're no longer 'pert' my FWB was urging me to let them loose, and he mentioned that I don't 'get naked' anymore. (Everything seems less toned & more wobbly since covid lockdown & an accident last year) without being too graphic (people eating their tea!!) he basically said he loved them so much and loves seeing them hang down and my bum wobble... utterly transfixed, like a kid in a sweet shop.

We hadn't seen each other in person for a while (I'm CEV) & I wondered if he might be disappointed, wanting to trade me in for a younger model) but that's definitely not the case!!

So if this old, very over weight, saggy boobed body isn't putting everyone off I'm more than sure you'll be fine!!

And without sounding like an old slapper, my other 'FWB, who lives too far away to see each other in person (esp during covid) but we 'FaceTime', who is a decade younger, very slim, fit as fuck, still very much wants to 'get together' on camera you have to come to the conclusion that men are easily pleased/happy just to 'access all areas' & are far less judgemental than we are if ourselves!!

@RosieDRosie1. When you're 'in the moment' it'll all be fine!! You're probably 'ore concerned' because it's the one thing you're less happy about, I get to spread my worry from my toe nails to my scalp, so it kind of dilutes the concentration of one thing!

Just have a great time & if he's not feeling lucky to be with you, he's not worth worrying about!!

Thanks cafecrememerci, that's really good to hear. I've been single a while and since being with someone I've put on weight so between that and how self conscious I am about my boobs, as much as I would love to meet someone I'm also holding back.

Your post is really encouraging, thank you!

He really won’t care. Turn the lights off and don’t worry about any hang ups you have

Read into the opinions of everyday men. They LOVE boobs, all kinds of boobs. They don’t see sag, they don’t see areola size, they don’t see veins or what angle your nipples point. They see boobs and they love them.

I used to be very self conscious of mine too OP, I’m a 30JJ and it’s horrific for me; I ended up reading several articles over time about what men like, and the majority like real bodies; they don’t see the flaws that we do. He already knows from seeing you with your clothes on that you’ve got a larger bust, he’s not expecting you to take off your shirt and see tiny fresh out of the factory porn boobs.

Whip em out, confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear! 😁

@Soopermum1

I have massive boobs, not in great condition either but DP has always thought they were great. His previous DP hardly had any and he was happy with that as well. If he's a keeper he'll find all of you sexy, so show all of you. You'll be fine.

"Hardly any"? And what bra size exactly do you consider "hardly any"? You could support OP without body shaming other women..

You seem to suggest that big breasts, even saggy, are always better then small ones so your DP has moved up in life and was so fortunate to swap small boobs for large ones. Men who date small breasted women obviously just settle for them, but they will move to a big breasted woman as soon as they get a chance. Thanks for ruining my mood.

@HappyClappy1

I dont see how shes "body shaming". And I'm certain she didnd mean to make you feel like she was.

She stated that he was happy with the smaller goods aswell as the big ones

She didnt say happier or better . I think it's you insurcuities making mountains of of mole hills ;)

Boobs not goods

@HappyClappy1

She's not body-shaming or saying that big boobs are better than small ones at all. She's doing absolutely the opposite of that - she's saying that her boyfriend is happy with hers being 'massive and not in great condition' and he was equally happy with his previous girlfriend's boobs being tiny. She made that really clear.

Saying 'hardly any' boobs isn't a value judgement any more than 'massive' boobs is. It's no different than if she'd said 'tiny'. You're projecting a whole lot of stuff into her post that really isn't there.

Saying “hardly any boobs” means she has almost no boobs at all. The sad thing is women body-shame small chested women all the time without even realising they said something wrong.

I think being undressed in front of someone really tough. Doesn't matter if you're slim or bigger, small boobs or big boobs, most woman have their issues about their bodies.

I have never felt comfortable being naked and I'm a size 6 with zero boobs, I still despise my naked self. I actually despise my face too but wearing a paper bag over my head isn't practical.

OP - go to your boyfriends, tell yourself that you're beautiful, confident and your boobs are great!

Good luck and have fun x

@HappyClappy1

Saying “hardly any boobs” means she has almost no boobs at all. The sad thing is women body-shame small chested women all the time without even realising they said something wrong.

Well she didn't say anything wrong. She stated that her partner likes her big boobs and he also liked his previous partner's very small boobs.

Any perceived shaming there is in your imagination.

She did say something wrong. But shaming skinny/small people is so normalised that nobody even realises when it's done. The language we use shapes our attitudes towards things. If you don't see anything wrong in saying that someone has "hardly any breasts" then you will never understand. It's probably not your problem so who cares.

You should try therapy. Probably a better use of your time than making things up,.

Yeah, and everyone who opposes body shaming should try therapy.

Blimey @HappyClappy1 looks like someone has hit a raw nerve with you, but don't have a go at a poster for NOTHING! You clearly have issues and hang ups. No-one has said ANYthing offensive. As a pp said, you should probably try talking to someone about tit, and not rant at people on mumsnet for doing nothing.

@incognitoforthisone

She's not body-shaming or saying that big boobs are better than small ones at all. She's doing absolutely the opposite of that - she's saying that her boyfriend is happy with hers being 'massive and not in great condition' and he was equally happy with his previous girlfriend's boobs being tiny. She made that really clear.

Exactly. The poster in question (soopermum1) said her partner likes her big boobs and also liked her smaller ones.

As for the OP...

@RosieDRosie1 do not worry. You sound bloody gorgeous! As the other posters have said, most men don't give a shit about if your boobs are perfect or not. And let's face it, VERY few women have perfect boobs!

Sorry, The poster in question (soopermum1) said her partner likes her big boobs and also liked 'his ex's' smaller ones.

If you have a nice sexy bra that makes you feel confident - wear it! Men also like lingerie and when you have big pendulous breasts, it is often more comfortable to have them contained - at least for some activities.

It isn't about what he thinks, it is about how you feel. You can always take it off as your own feelings change as you spend more time being intimate and your familiarity with him increases.

I do agree with @HappyClappy1 saying that women with small boobs are deemed less desirable sexually, just the way it is. I don't even need a bra and even when I was breast feeding my boobs only went to an A cup. I've been ridiculed for my whole life by various people for having no boobs ... BUT - in this case I don't feel the other person was shaming.

They're boobs.

He'll just be deliriously happy that he's got near them. Because they're boobs.

Stop overthinking things and just enjoy your weekend. He definitely will, after all.