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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take bra off in front of new boyfriend

68 replies

RosieDRosie1 · 25/01/2022 23:43

Hi all
I've been seeing a guy and it's going really well. I will be staying at his place next weekend and I imagine we will end up having sex. I'm a single mum and this is my first relationship since having DC (7 and 4yo). I like to think I'm in good shape, a size 10/12 and have a nice figure. However, I have really large breasts (F cup) and I breastfed both of my kids until they were 2. I see my boobs as big and saggy and I'm so self conscious about them. :-( New man is lovely and would never say anything, but I am paranoid it might put him off me. Any tips to increase my confidence? Thanks everyone.
Rosie

OP posts:

Justgorgeous · 16/02/2022 18:05

Honestly he won’t care ! He will just be very happy to be with you.

NellyNoNorks · 16/02/2022 18:11

@HappyClappy1

Saying “hardly any boobs” means she has almost no boobs at all. The sad thing is women body-shame small chested women all the time without even realising they said something wrong.

Oh come on, @HappyClappy1 I've got "hardly any boobs", and don't feel someone saying this as a personal slight!

HappyClappy1 · 16/02/2022 18:43

Because you are so used to being demeaned. We all are.

KatyRebecca84 · 16/02/2022 19:05

@HappyClappy1 wow I assume you have smaller breasts (as do I) and find this offensive?! She clearly meant her husband liked her big breasts and his ex’s small ones too!! Can’t you read?!!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 16/02/2022 19:07

Men just love big boobs, lol don't worry.

mollyblack · 16/02/2022 19:11

I have found this thread totally joyful. good luck OP x

WalkingOnTheCracks · 16/02/2022 19:11

@HappyClappy1

Because you are so used to being demeaned. We all are.

What expression do you think she should have used if she wanted to refer to small ones?

Moonmelodies · 16/02/2022 19:19

He will likely be worried about his own body, and whether he measures up.

HappyClappy1 · 16/02/2022 19:54

[quote KatyRebecca84]@HappyClappy1 wow I assume you have smaller breasts (as do I) and find this offensive?! She clearly meant her husband liked her big breasts and his ex’s small ones too!! Can’t you read?!![/quote]
You don't know what she meant.
I only object to using demeaning phrases like "hardly any boobs".

KatyRebecca84 · 16/02/2022 19:59

Lol! It’s a fact… I have hardly any boobs and wouldn’t take offense to someone stating a fact. You’re assuming she must be being mean about the smaller breasted woman when I think she’s meaning that most men don’t care either way!

NellyNoNorks · 16/02/2022 20:01

@HappyClappy1

Because you are so used to being demeaned. We all are.

Eh?! No, I am not used to being demeaned!

I have had a total of three sexual partners (was married to one of them for 24 years), and they have all thought I was completely gorgeous. Current DP is one of them.

IME, men like pretty much the same things as women - namely to have sex with someone who thinks they are gorgeous and lovely, and who likes sex. The size of their breasts/penis/vagina/scrotum is of zero concern. On the whole, people just want to feel desired and good about themselves, and that's what the right person will make you feel.

If someone doesn't make you feel that way, it has nothing to do with the size of your breasts/dick/whatever, and everything to do with them being someone you wouldn't want to have sex with.

makingitalladdup · 16/02/2022 20:08

@mollyblack

I have found this thread totally joyful. good luck OP x

I agree @mollyblack - although just as I was about to say the same I saw it has been derailed in classic MN style.

Up to that point, it was completely heart warming.

D0lphine · 16/02/2022 20:09

I'd share your insecurity with him. Maybe not in loads of detail. You could just say "I haven't got naked with someone for absolutely yonks" or something like that.

Part of intimacy is being honest about how you're feeling.

When you tell him that if he make you feel good, comfortable and sexy, you know sleeping with him is the right decision. If he doesn't make you feel like that NEXT!

MermaidEyes · 16/02/2022 20:45

I've just realised this thread is from nearly a month ago and OP hasn't come back to update us on whether he loved her boobs - hopefully that means he did and she's too busy showing them off to tell us 😂

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/02/2022 20:49

We look at ourselves and think "URGH...cellulite, fat/boney/ arse, saggy /massive/non existant tits"

He looks at you and thinks "She NAKED!!!!"

Seriously, thats as much as he will see....you are naked and willing to sleep with him.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 17/02/2022 08:22

Seriously, @HappyClappy1...

What expression do you think she should have used to refer to small breasts?

georgarina · 17/02/2022 10:13

I wish I had your problem!

BFing 2 babies I've gone from a C to an A and they are totally sad and lifeless, can see my ribs underneath :(

Of course you are self conscious but just try and wear a nice bra and enjoy it (will try and take my own advice now!)

Lifeslooser · 17/02/2022 10:19

Men don’t see our bodies the way woman do.

I can assure you my stomach is worse than your boobs due to pregnancy and it wasn’t even a problem, he didn’t get why I was so hung up, they have rose tinted glasses on when sex is on the cards!

It won’t be a issue but you could mention it to him and I’m sure his reply will be “don’t be silly” or “you’ll be fine”, enjoy your night!!

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