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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that dh is being totally unreasonable about this years holiday or not?

65 replies

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 20:50

Ok heres the thing, I will graduate in 2008 after finishing (hopefully) my nursing degree.
Whilst I have been studying my mum has paid for us to have a family holiday ever year because she believes its important.
Anyway this year I wanted to do something special because I graduate, so I suggested me, dh, ds and dd going to disney florida, which he said 'yeah' to until I got the brochures and then he decided ds is too young and didnt want to go to america.

Now I'd like my mum to come too (shes had a shit year) and it would cost an extra £2.5k for her to come. So she's giving us £2k for us, paying her extra £2.5k, so all we'll have to find is the £1.5k plus spending which I think is great.

he still doesnt want to go, and I dont know why, we've had mums cc details for about 3 months now with her just waiting for us to book something with that 2k but he cant be arsed and says he doesnt know where to go.

Is he BU or AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 22:19

Yes I know what youre all saying but my mums credit card details have been waiting by the computer for about 3 months, waiting for him to at least engage in some holiday conversation.
I even agreed to France at one point and told him to book it with the card but he couldnt even be arsed to do that

God it makes me so mad, all he has to name is the place and we can book. I will probably go for a spa weekend with my mum as thats what we did this year ans was fab

OP posts:

TheYoungVisiturkeyandstuffing · 28/12/2007 22:53

So what you're really cross about is that he isn't showing much interest in your holiday plans...?

HonoriaGlossop · 28/12/2007 22:59

My god. That is a lot of money on a holiday.

err not saying you shouldn't, by the way, just am SO shocked. I obviously lead a very sheltered life. And a very broke one

Have a lovely time, wherever you go.

mumeeee · 28/12/2007 23:33

I think YABU. Your Dh proably wants to pay for a holidayfor just you,him and DS to go on. Also I agre with hom your Dsis a bit young for Florida. The flight is very long. Euro Disney is a relly great place and I think your Ds would ebjoy it more,

nooka · 28/12/2007 23:52

You have my sympathy. I can never get dh engaged in holiday conversations, and it can be depressing. Having said that if he's not keen on the States/Disney, you will have to come up with something else.

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 29/12/2007 11:47

I have the exact opposite problem - my x bf would go on holiday at the drop of a hat. Sounds wonderful (I've visited some great locations, to be fair) but if I ever said I wanted more input or fewer holidays, I was accused of being ungrateful or a workalcholic (I don't get paid when I take leave). Holidays are a bugger for getting in the way of relation
ships.

Have you come to an agreement?

Triggles · 29/12/2007 13:17

It seems a bit difficult. Honestly, I think you both need to open up and discuss it reasonably. You did say he showed some interest in camping in France, which you also state you turned down flat, which implies you were not willing to even consider. But yet you're annoyed with him for not wanting to go along with your plans.

DH & I have discussed taking kids to Disney in US, but agreed that we would wait until they are old enough (at least 9 to 10 yrs) to not only remember the trip, but to be able to go on all the rides as well. But then, I will admit that we're not big holiday-goers either, and we would both feel uncomfortable with our parents paying that type of money on us, even if it is a gift of a holiday. DH would really resent it if I pushed holiday plans on him, as would I if he did that to me.

Hope you can work it out so everyone is happy.

dooley1 · 29/12/2007 13:25

does it really cost that much to go to Disneyland?

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 29/12/2007 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 29/12/2007 15:02

I turned France and camping down flat because I hate camping with a passion. I dont want to get into all that and why I hate it, but I went this year as a second holiday to compromise and give it a try ...NEVER AGAIN
It does annoy me because I am happy to go anywhere in the world or do anything other than camping so I think I'm being fairly flexible

dh wont pay for a holiday simple as that, he'd rather blow £2k on a new tv, whereas my mum thinks that family time away is important.
I think some of you are missing the point about my mum, the money is not conditional on her coming, and she doesnt have to come.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 29/12/2007 15:32

It sounds as though he just cannot raise any enthusiasm for doing all the legwork... ie: booking, arranging insurance, airport parking etc... all the tedious stuff.

I used to get this with DH all the time and we ended up with no holiday for seven years coz he never got around to it.

These days I just get on and book it. I just ask him to look at the reviews or where we are going and ask him what he thinks, but even then he only glances and says something like 'yeah, whatever, just book what you think looks nice lovey'.

I do think your DS is a bit young to properly appreciate Florida Disney. My two were 8 and 13 and the 8 year old complained his legs hurt from all the standing in queues and walking all day. He whinged for most of the 9/10 hour flight too, much to the annoyance of the poor people in the seats in front of us!

Ubergeekian · 29/12/2007 15:38

I'm puzzled. She's giving you £2k and you have to find £1.5k, which is £3.5k for two adults and two children. So how does it cost another £2.5k for one more adult?

That aside ... if your husband really doesn't want to go, I think it's a little unreasonable to try to insist on it. A compromise with some time at a theme park (EuroDisney? Parc Asterix?) and some time in a less organised place sounds like a good way forward to me.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 29/12/2007 15:42

Its that much more because we have to pay for an extra room for my mum, plus single supplements, plus a bigger car. Bit crap I know but she was willing to pay that extra.

I think disney is definately a no-go so now need other great suggestions to baffle him with.

Would love to go to Cyprus but fear heat will be unbearable in August

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tiredemma · 29/12/2007 15:43

Go to Cala Dor in Mallorca- you will lurve it. (although august like most places will be mega bucks)

Original poster

mosschops30 · 29/12/2007 15:45

I think we discussed calador before didnt we TE and it did look lovely

I will try some possibilities tonight

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Milliways · 29/12/2007 15:46

We went to Florida with my parents & DD (9) and DS (4).

DS loved it, he went on loads of rides and was too scared to go on the bigger ones anyway!

My parents don't do rides, but did enjoy the gentler ones, and they had loads of fun taking DS to look at the smaller attrractions whilst we took DD on everything!!

Parents also went on their own trips - Kennedy space station, shopping etc.

There is soo much to do, there IS something for everyone.

DS is now 12 and begging to go as he missed the rides....... If we had the money I would do it again.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 29/12/2007 15:51

dear god we have just made a major breakthrough

dh says he is happy to go wherever I want as long as its within 3-4 hours, other conditions are:

Not Cyprus
Not Disney
Not same reosrt in Menorca again

Thats it really, thank god I can start looking again now, whats the betting he'll change his mind

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LyraSilvertinsel · 29/12/2007 15:56

Is it that he just can't be bothered to think about holidays or is he actively anti the whole idea?

If he's just being lazy, find some options yourself, print them out then present them to him.

Say look, I've found this, this and this, which one do you think we should go on. Make him get his arse in gear and choose, then you can book straight away before he changes his mind again.

Btw, your budget does seem a bit on the large side for Disney. We're going this year and we don't intend to spend more than £2.5k on flights, villa and car hire for a fortnight.

LyraSilvertinsel · 29/12/2007 15:58

Oops, x-posted.

Right, get on the computer, find a fab holiday, get him to agree to it then book straight away before he can change his mind again.

LyraSilvertinsel · 29/12/2007 16:02

Have you thought about Italy? We went last year and loved it. And it's less than 2 hours flight.

tiredemma · 29/12/2007 16:03

this is where we have gone (except for this yr as we went to Disney at easter) since 2003- its a fantastic aparthotel

sa marina

I highly recommend it ( and after working in travel for years - it takes me ages to find something that I really like)

LyraSilvertinsel · 29/12/2007 16:05

We've been there tiredemma, when DS1 was 2 and and DS2 was 10 weeks.

tiredemma · 29/12/2007 16:13

We are going this year ( hopefully)- I really like it there

pinetreedog · 29/12/2007 16:15

sounds like he just wants a simple holiday.

Your mum thinks family time away is important, your dh doesn't? I think you need to talk about it more with your dh instrad of with mum

Original poster

mosschops30 · 29/12/2007 18:45

TE that place looks fab what brochures would it be in (I have Thomson and First Choice cos I dont like anyone else).

What is Cala Dor like as a resort. I think I mentioned before that where we normally stay is a nice town with a marina, lots of restaurants, very few bars and the odd shop here and there.

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