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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't fair, right?

157 replies

Tyrozet · 25/01/2022 05:18

I work in a small team as part of a bigger organisation with lots of other sites in close vicinity.

On occassion, I have gone to work in other sites to help cover staff holidays/sickness etc. Since Covid, staffing has been alot worse and I have been required to do this more frequently along with another colleague.

I don't mind working elsewhere but it can be stressful at times if they have been short staffed and are very behind with workload and we are unfamiliar with the goings on at each site/don't know anyone etc etc.

Nobody else in our team ever offers to take a turn to go elsewhere - it always falls to myself and sometimes other colleague, but mostly me. Nobody else even gets asked.

Manager had a message yesterday saying one of the sites was really short staffed and requested our help for 3/4 days this week. Manager announced this to everyone and emphasised that it was "only fair" that everyone takes a turn. I put myself forward and went yesterday. Nobody else offered and there was stony silence. Boss didn't raise it with anyone else at the time and my other colleague also got pulled to another site for the day. We both said at the time that we would prefer not to have to do this all week and that other staff should take a turn.

End of day yesterday, both colleague and I get messages asking us to work elsewhere - I say fine, but ask why nobody else is taking a turn and am told it's too awkward for them to travel (all sites are within a 5 mile radius, some colleagues drive and there is regular bus service for those who don't).

It is in our contract that we may be required to work elsewhere on occassion - as much as I don't want to be petty and say no, I think it's shit that others aren't even being considered whilst it all falls to my colleague and I. She feels the same.

The others have also outwardly said how awful and stressful working at this specific site has been in the past (it was actually fine and they haven't been there in at least 4 years) but are happy to let me suffer it alone all week.

Manager is generally pretty good and we get along well, I don't want to make life difficult for her by refusing, and also don't think anyone should refuse what is in their contract.

Sorry that was quite long winded.

Would this irritate you as well?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tyrozet · 25/01/2022 07:39

No travel expenses - we all live within the same small town we are being asked to work in and travelling to other sites is barely further (if at all) than travelling to our usual place of work.

OP posts:
Foolsrule · 25/01/2022 07:41

@Gardeningcreature - exactly the same here. I became my boss’s go to person. One team member was too old and set in her ways (boss’s words, not mine), the other used the mental health card (as you said, only seemed to affect the extra tasks we were asked to do). It became a piss take. I asked for my role to be recognized and it was, finally, but after a fight! They were more than happy for me to do extra but resented paying me for it. The others didn’t do extra and were paid the same. Nothing worse for office relationships than unfairness and favoritism. And our boss was exactly like this - conflict averse, everyone’s ‘friend’, until it came to asking for recompense for me effectively doing half her job 🙄

MaryStuart · 25/01/2022 07:47

@Mummyoflittledragon

You and your colleague should just say it’s awkward for you both if it’s that simple. Do you know how many times you’ve been to a different site? Make a note of every time you remember so you have a record of fulfilling your contract. The manager sounds crap if they can’t do their job. A rota sounds good, you could also insist you get to sit out a couple of rounds as you’ve done far more than your share already.
This ^ If asked directly, say it’s awkward for you to go. That works for your colleagues.
ThinWomansBrain · 25/01/2022 07:48

Manager announced this to everyone and emphasised that it was "only fair" that everyone takes a turn. I put myself forward...
If you manager is announcing publicly that everyone should take a turm, why did you put yourself forward?
If he has a 'willing' volunteer, what do you expect him to do, say "No thanks, Tyrozet, I'm going to pick X, who hasn't volunteered. You're not exactly helping yourself, whereas he is publicly giving you the option not to volunteer.
Who knows, maybe the rest of the team think you prefer working elsewhere?

MaryStuart · 25/01/2022 07:49

And stop volunteering. As others have said, being a people pleaser is doing you no favours.
Your manager is getting an easy ride here, because you and other volunteering colleague, mean she doesn’t have to start having difficult conversations with the others.

LadyNell · 25/01/2022 07:53

What Tympanic said the more you do the more they expect you to do it. If you keep offering to do it they will just let you,

PurplePikachu · 25/01/2022 07:56

If you’re a people pleaser, maybe you’d find it easier to say no if you frame it as though it’s for the good of the company/your colleagues?

So rather than a straight “it’s X’s turn”, how about “Wouldn’t it be better if everybody took turns on a rota so that we all get to know the other sites? I’ve been at the other sites every week since covid hit, so maybe it’s X’s turn to go?” That way you frame it like a helpful suggestion, remind them all you’ve already done your bit, and direct them towards somebody else?

Zonder · 25/01/2022 07:57

When you're next asked you need to say clearly and publicly that you think you and colleague have done your fair share for now. Then put your head down and get on with some work.

LadyNell · 25/01/2022 07:58

If you get asked be direct and say no someone else can take a turn. Don't see they can argue with that if youve been doing it regularly

Fatmax22 · 25/01/2022 07:59

I voted YANBU but this is pretty much down to you as others have said. Your manager opened the door to others taking their turn and you just opened your mouth and volunteered. Next time keep quiet. Let the silence grow. If manager ends up looking at you and asking you to do it you'd be quite reasonable pointing out that it's someone else's turn now, and could say that it's no easier for you to go than anyone else.
Alternatively be more proactive and speak to your manager today. Tell them you agree that other people should take their turn and you won't be putting your hand up for a week or two so that they do. You don't need to go into details, but you could also say that it's no less inconvenient for you to do it than it is for anyone else.

Recycledblonde · 25/01/2022 08:06

AFAIK you will need business insurance to go to different work sites as travel to one site is the only thing covered by the commuting section of you car insurance. Some companies include it for free, others charge for it but you do need to make sure you are covered.

PerseverancePays · 25/01/2022 08:06

As pp have said, suggest to your manager that they write up a rota. Can’t believe they haven’t implemented one; less resentment, more cooperation.

Evasmissingletter · 25/01/2022 08:08

We are all different and all have many drivers. There are many great points in being a people pleaser, mainly the ability to build relationships, and be a great team player. Be proud of those strengths. The challenge for you is when your people pleaser behavior doesn’t serve you well and you can’t say no meaning you are allowing others to take advantage of you.

Fairylightsongs · 25/01/2022 08:10

I also think you need to stop offering. Next time it occurs in a general setting don’t offer to go. It’s hard to complain when you put your hand out for it, I’m sorry.

SniffMyFeet · 25/01/2022 08:14

This happened to me, I just said I don't mind taking it in turns but it's not right I always got asked and how many times has everyone else been? I said it in front of everyone so if they had a problem they were free to say, I was that pissed off
I didn't fill in the stoney silence that followed as people were waiting for me to cave. I just started my normal jobs for the day while they all started mumbling between themselves
They are taking the piss & taking advantage of your good nature, stick up for yourself. Things were alot better after that

Ploppy1322 · 25/01/2022 08:16

Just say no, you're happy to take your turn but can't continue to pick up the slack for others.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 25/01/2022 08:17

Rather than simply not volunteering next time, I think you should give your manager the opportunity to manage the team.

It’s perfectly reasonable to have a conversation in advance to let them know that you feel that you’ve done your fair share and want a week (Or two, whatever) at the home base. They can then warm up others in advance and there shouldn’t be a need for tumbleweed (or if there is, your manager was forewarned)

ConstanceL · 25/01/2022 08:24

[quote Tyrozet]@tympanic sorry you had to go through that - especially when you were pregnant. I hope you got a good outcome in the end?

I think I'm generally very obliging as an employee and I do what I can to be flexible and not make a fuss, therefore it's easier to ask me/ put me on the spot than to piss other employees off who don't want to help.
I can understand my manager's point of view in that she doesn't want a negative atmosphere which is what would happen if she put her foot down and made them do it, but at the same time its shite feeling like a pushover and I've gone from being ok with an occassional change of scenery and meeting new people to resenting the extra pressure by having to do this constantly.[/quote]
I can understand my manager's point of view in that she doesn't want a negative atmosphere which is what would happen if she put her foot down and made them do it

So you have suffer for your inept manager's comfort? It's not really your colleagues that are the problem here, it's you enabling your manager to treat you unfairly, and then letting it go on for as long as it has.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 25/01/2022 08:24

@Recycledblonde

AFAIK you will need business insurance to go to different work sites as travel to one site is the only thing covered by the commuting section of you car insurance. Some companies include it for free, others charge for it but you do need to make sure you are covered.
As you say insurers can differ but I don't always work at the same place and it's just classed as commenting. I don't think the OP needs to be too worried about that as she isn't travelling for business
Lalliella · 25/01/2022 08:27

YANBU but you need to tell your boss not wait till she asks for volunteers. Like others say, she needs to draw up a rota.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/01/2022 08:30

You really need to speak to your manager about this and ask her to share it out amongst the team via a rota, not asking people to volunteer.

You say you're a people pleaser but you're coming across as a bit of a doormat to be honest.

timeisnotaline · 25/01/2022 08:30

Next time you just say no, you really need to do a roster for this as it’s happening so often. By my calculations you should schedule me back for a turn on another site about jan 2023.

UnsuitableHat · 25/01/2022 08:32

Yes that would irritate me and is worth standing your ground on I think - hope you can have a discussion with your manager about it. I imagine you're seen as someone who won't kick off about it whereas the others might.

WouldIBeATwat · 25/01/2022 08:34

As you say insurers can differ but I don't always work at the same place and it's just classed as commenting. I don't think the OP needs to be too worried about that as she isn't travelling for business

She absolutely is travelling for business. She wouldn’t be going there otherwise!

RedHelenB · 25/01/2022 08:35

Just say no, you ve dobe your turn.

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