To refuse to make 8.5YO DD anything else for dinner?

[user1488481370]

I spent over an hour making dinner tonight in a freezing cold kitchen with no heating.

DD didn’t touch hers, didn’t even try it. Demanded I make her some super noodles instead and then hit me because I wasn’t getting up to do it straight away. I told her she can go into the kitchen herself and make some toast if she’s hungry with that attitude. She’s sat sobbing and I feel awful now 😫

Sorry, you are raising a very badly behaved child. She would not have been offered anything else in my house!

@Howareyouflower

Get over yourself.

You’ve said she can make toast so I think that’s fine. She shouldn’t of hit you but I’m not shocked like all these other uptight people are doesn’t make her a bad child ffs. That’s a difficult age hormones are starting to fly around. I saw you posted she’s gone through a stressful time recently too. I’d just have a firm chat make it clear it’s unacceptable and let her know how much it’s upset you and find out how she’s feeling.

[quote Worried456776]@Howareyouflower

Get over yourself.

You’ve said she can make toast so I think that’s fine. She shouldn’t of hit you but I’m not shocked like all these other uptight people are doesn’t make her a bad child ffs. That’s a difficult age hormones are starting to fly around. I saw you posted she’s gone through a stressful time recently too. I’d just have a firm chat make it clear it’s unacceptable and let her know how much it’s upset you and find out how she’s feeling.[/quote]
??

You need to lay the boundaries now op. She hits you she goes to bed.

You don't want an adult woman beating you up.

I wouldn't have offered her toast. Either eat the dinner offered or have nothing.

@user1488481370

No apologies. My parents were very harsh with me when I was a child and I think I overcompensate with my own. unfortunately this isn’t unusual and she always manages to make me feel very guilty and as though I’m in the wrong (although deep down I know I’m in the right)

Sounds like you've a rod for your own back reading in between the lines. No clear and consistent boundaries and no clear and consistent consequences leads to a frustrated and unhappy child that does things like hitting when they don't get their own way.

There's a middle ground between being lax, unclear and inconsistent and being overly strict.

You can be clear and consistent but also fair, kind and loving.

There would be nothing else from me if I'd been hit.
If people want to be kind, then it's kind to teach your children not to behave like that to others.
Ever.

Years ago, parents used to say,if you don't eat the meal that's been served up, you will just have to go hungry,, and it usually worked. I don't ever remember a child this age who hit out at a parent though.

YABU to be feeling awful if by that you mean guilty. I’d have sent the little madam to bed with no dinner if she’d hit me. Seriously OP you need to get a grip and parent this child because she sounds awful!

I wouldn’t make my 3 year old a different meal if I’d offered her that variety and she said no.

“YABU to be feeling awful if by that you mean guilty. I’d have sent the little madam to bed with no dinner if she’d hit me. “ - I agree with this.

[quote DreamTheMoors]@EarringsandLipstick

Stop overreacting. You don’t know me. I posted something about MY MUM.

If you’re different, well, good for you. You’ve got no business criticizing ANYBODY else. In particular, strangers on the internet, whose one post you’ve read.
Criminy. Lighten up.[/quote]
You should probably re-read your own posts so where you stated that your view & your mum's approach was 'normal' and can't see any one else's point of view)

It's not.

My point remains - all humans are capable of being wrong. Including mums. Including your mum.

@Howareyouflower

Sorry, you are raising a very badly behaved child. She would not have been offered anything else in my house!

No, she has a child who had behaved badly and needs support & boundaries

Enough of your judgment.

This may sound harsh but in my home with dinner it’s a case of take it or leave it, there is no option b. If they don’t want to eat it fine but there’s nothing else, and I mean nothing until the next mealtime. Nothing terrible happened from a child missing one meal. Obviously this is in the context of meals that we have had before and know DC like/eat. If it was a completely new meal then there would be other options available but that rarely was needed.
The hitting is another issue that I don’t feel qualified to deal with as that was nipped in the bud when mine were toddlers as I’ve always said it might not seem like a big deal when a 3 year old hits you or an 8 year old but when they’re 15 you’ll wish you’d stopped it sooner because it will be a big deal then.
There’s nothing you’ve dealt with that can’t be rectified, we’re all trying our best as parents. Good luck.

Super Noodles are absolute junk. Just don't buy them. Feed her a decent meal each evening which she either ways or she doesn't with no back up plan.

Have you done any patenting courses to look at behaviour management?

So she sits sobbing, hoping mum will give in to her demands, it’s child psychology ,,,, if I do this, I get that , our child did it, soon realised it wasn’t going to work.. you eat what we eat or go hungry, they won’t go hungry by the very nature,

Crikey, she hit you?! You shouldn’t feel bad at all, she acted like a toddler.

I agree with a previous poster who said that children don’t hit at that age for no reason. It sounds like your dd has gone through quite a traumatic time and things are still difficult. She might be suffering from anxiety, which in children that age can manifest itself in behaviours such as hitting. I would not punish her but try to get to the bottom of what is going on.

[quote user1488481370]@Krakenchorus would you rather I hit her back?[/quote]
No, because children know that they have the upper hand in situations like this!

@Holothane

We had no choice growing up it eat what your given.

My Dad would always say, if we were wanting to be too choosey, This is a home, not a transport caff!

wants to get back at her daughter rather than being caring and loving and understanding over the fact that she doesnt like the food that much

WTF, an 8-year old hits her mother because the dinner served is not her favourite and mum does not scurry back to the kitchen fast enough to make another meal, and according to some posters, the mother is in the wrong?
Next Xmas, the child will throw her new iPhone in mum's face because it wasn't the Plus model she wanted, and mum should be loving and caring and run to the shop to get the right one?

In regards to putting things on her plate that she doesn’t like, that’s how I parent, I always put a little bit of everything onto their plates. I’d like to know that they at least tried it. I’m not going to stop doing that.

I hardly think I neglect my DD nor did I wind her up. Does it ever make it ok for one person to hit another person because they were ‘wound up?’ I don’t think so.

School know about the situation at home, I’ve been very transparent about everything. She has spoken to teachers about it (we told her that if she ever felt the need to speak about it, a teacher would be there to listen) she’s gone from being a very happy, well behaved little girl to angry, sulky and short tempered within a matter of months. She was always head strong but there was never any nastiness or violence.

I do think that it’s a mixture of things, the home situation that we dealt with for so long and her age. I’m just sad that it’s come to this. She definitely needs boundaries which we do have in place. I offered toast because it was something that she could do herself. I’ve always said that I’ll cook one meal and one meal only. I just hate the idea of sending her to bed hungry.

I hate the idea of sending my child to bed hungry but it doesn't happen very often when you stick to it, especially the next day at dinner. So it doesn't do them any harm. I tend to serve a small portion when I know they fuss over a meal I plan, so they don't get over faced and I know they can manage it.

You seem like a fab mum so I won't talk about how to deal with the hitting etc as you seem to have it under control and understand that it's not right , sorry you had a shi t evening ... We do a vegetable soup starter with part baked rolls every day it takes no no time at all and I make enough for 2 days I make then change the soup , it's incredibly cheap to do and it means you need less of the main which also saves money , we have 4 children so pleasing everyone is hard so as we have a starter if someone isn't keen on the main then they can have extra soup and a n extra roll .. We also let our children choose a meal a week (except the baby )and they usually help cook it too , for example my older daughter (11 ) chose moussaka and we cooked the "meat" sauce the day before and did the bechimal and aubergine and baked it on the night so she could help after school , maybe if you involve her the meal planning and occasionally prep will be less resistance , even my 6 year old peels the soup vegetables for me and helps make his chosen meal x