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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To walk alone for 45mins at 8pm?

468 replies

imamumgetmeoutofhere · 24/01/2022 14:07

Just that really.

Told my DH I would be walking home from work tonight, finish 8pm.

It takes around 40-45mins. There are no busses at this time. He feels I should get a taxi, mainly due to the attacks on women that have been published in the media recently. I've said I can't justify the expense and am more than happy walking, usually do if it's daylight. We live in a holiday resort area but it's along 3 fairly busy main roads so won't be in any isolated areas.

He usually collects me but he has covid so can't collect me and I don't drive.

AIBU to think its fine to walk home at this time of the day in the dark or should I follow his advise and get a taxi and claw the cost back elsewhere?

OP posts:
crazyjinglist · 24/01/2022 15:10

I'd do it unless it was a dodgy area. Tbh I wouldn't love it in the cold and dark, but needs must, and it will be very good exercise!

theleafandnotthetree · 24/01/2022 15:11

@TheBeesKnee

I would call a friend for a catch up walky talky and walk if I knew the area and didn't have to wait along major roads or dark spooky places.
Spooky? Have we to worry about the supernatural now as well? 🙄
HerculesMulligann · 24/01/2022 15:12

Unless you’ve neglected to mention that the walk would be through a massive deserted forest or something… I’d definitely walk it. I actually really enjoy waking by myself, including when it’s dark.

Random attacks on people, including women, are rare. That’s why they make the news when they do happen.

The frustrating thing is that the collective outcome of lots of women thinking a walk isn’t safe and so spending £££ on a taxi instead is that there are less people - including women - walking, and so people perceive places as being more unsafe.

I can maybe understand a slight hesitation if the walk was at 3am, but surely 8pm is different. I can’t imagine restricting myself to the extent of not going out alone in the hours of darkness, or massive huge amounts in taxi fares to avoid walking.

frostedfruit · 24/01/2022 15:12

Also, I just want to add - a lot of men get randomly attacked too but it doesn't make the news. I know 2 men that have been sevely injured in random attacks but I know of no women attacked like this. All my female friends walk home at night too.

KurtWilde · 24/01/2022 15:13

@HaveringWavering

Let's not gaslight the women who don't feel safe as though they're being over dramatic and paranoid.

Isn’t gaslighting when you try to convince somebody that something the know to be true did not happen, so that hey start to doubt their sanity?

You can’t use “gaslighting” in this context because they are believing a thing that is NOT true. It is not gaslighting to tell them that they are safe, even if they believe that they are not. It is trying to help them understand risk.

I think what you mean is that we should not mock them for their fear, or minimise their feelings.

I agree @HaveringWavering, the term gaslighting gets thrown around on her out of context a lot lately.
Porcupineintherough · 24/01/2022 15:13

@2pinkginsplease

I personally wouldn’t walk home in the dark myself. I bet Sarah Everard thought she was safe walking home the night she did it. She walked busy residential and shopping areas.

If it were me dh would put a mask on and drive with windows open to pick me up or I would get a taxi home.

See I dont get this. You wont walk because Sarah Everard but you will get a taxi even though women have been raped and murdered by taxi drivers.
givememykeys · 24/01/2022 15:14

@Dubgirl1212

Get a taxi. A beautiful, young primary school teacher was murdered in Ireland a couple of weeks ago. She was jogging at 4pm on a route she knew and that was popular with walkers, cyclists and runners.

It's really not worth the risk.

And whilst that is a terrible thing are you seriously suggesting that no woman goes out alone, ever?
garlictwist · 24/01/2022 15:14

I always walk home from work at that time. I also walk through woods with a head torch. I am not paying for a taxi every day and it costs a bomb to park at my work.

I don't really think of it as particularly risky - maybe it is, maybe it isn't. but I have a life to lead.

Queenoftheashes · 24/01/2022 15:16

If we are terrified of random serial killers and rapists I don’t know why a taxi is held up as a safe option after John Worboys

yellowsmileyface · 24/01/2022 15:16

I think what you mean is that we should not mock them for their fear, or minimise their feelings.

You're being pedantic (and defensive) over my choice of words. But yes, that's essentially my point and it still stands.

Silversprinkles · 24/01/2022 15:17

I would walk in those circumstances. We cannot let our worlds shrink so far we end up house bound!

timshortfforthalia · 24/01/2022 15:18

I thought this was an exercise suggestion. I've been thinking that a regular evening walk might help my well being and sleep.

If you are comfortable, then I would walk. I think the probable downsides if living a limited, fearful life massively outweigh the very small possibility of being attacked. Stastically, violent stranger attacks on women are very rare. The most likely victims of this kind of attack are men under 24.

CornishGem1975 · 24/01/2022 15:18

I'd walk it, area dependant, I've actually felt unsafer in taxis in the past.

overthehillandsofaraway · 24/01/2022 15:18

It depends.

I'd be quite happy walking for 45 minutes in the dark through certain parts of town - others I'd feel always on edge. This isn't some new, strange place - this is your home area. You should have a sense of where the dodgy, unlit bits are, and the bits where there's plenty of lighting, people to hear you scream, and where you're unlikely to get bothered by drunks etc.

As with everything in life, we make a risk assessment.

limitedperiodonly · 24/01/2022 15:18

I'm assuming it's not a dodgy area but if you worried that much you'd never go out because something bad can happen anywhere.

I mentioned to someone I walked home from work which took about 45 minutes and took me across a park. This is not a wasteland but an incredibly nice urban park where people walk and cycle. I couldn't say someone would be with me at all the times but enough or nearby so someone bad probably wouldn't take the risk of hurting me and getting away with it.

It was winter so at 6pm it would be dark but it was perfectly safe and a nice walk. My other choice was to queue for the tube station which was so crowded at that between 5pm and 8pm it had to be closed every 15 minutes or so because of the risk of crushing. Once on the train you wouldn't get a seat and was nose to armpit and in prime position for perverts to grope your arse or worse. Not that that would scare me off travelling by tube if I wanted or had to - you don't get groped all the time - I just preferred not to because there was a much better alternative.

She made me promise her that I would never do it again because she would worry so much about me. I said okay and ignored her. I don't think she cared that much about me. She just wanted to let me know how sensible she was while being a drama queen and making it all about her.

ShinyHatStand · 24/01/2022 15:18

I go out for a walk after dinner pretty much every day of my life
Unless there is a specific reason to be scared in this location i wouldn't hesitate to walk.

99victoria · 24/01/2022 15:19

I would do it as long as the route didn't take me through any woodlands or very isolated areas. Many, many women already living on the poverty line - surely we haven't got to the stage where we have to take a taxi everywhere once it's dark, have we? What a depressing thought :(

RobinPenguins · 24/01/2022 15:19

I would walk home from my work in the dark. Not quite as far but approx 30-35 minutes walk. It wouldn’t cross my mind to get a taxi.

But it totally depends on your area, the route, how busy it is, how well lit it is…so many factors. There are places I wouldn’t walk 2 minutes in the dark and there are places I’d happily walk an hour.

Porcupineintherough · 24/01/2022 15:19

And whilst that is a terrible thing are you seriously suggesting that no woman goes out alone, ever?

Truth is there is nothing a woman can do, and nowhere she can be that is 100% safe. Go out, stay in, walk, jog, take a taxi, drive, go alone, go with a friend, go on a date, get married, get a job, stay home - women have been killed doing all these things. All we can do is exercise our judgement in any given situation.

oakleaffy · 24/01/2022 15:19

Walk along confidently without earbuds. Be aware of surroundings by day or night.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 24/01/2022 15:20

I'd walk, but then I'm out on my own in the middle of nowhere all day anyway, so a busy area at 8pm would feel just fine to me.

I also used to walk to work alone through a nature reserve at 5am year-round. I never saw a soul (just foxes and rabbits).

If you're happy to walk, don't let your DH make you feel unsafe - it's not his decision to make.

HaveringWavering · 24/01/2022 15:20

@2pinkginsplease

I personally wouldn’t walk home in the dark myself. I bet Sarah Everard thought she was safe walking home the night she did it. She walked busy residential and shopping areas.

If it were me dh would put a mask on and drive with windows open to pick me up or I would get a taxi home.

She was safe, in the same way that a person who is killed when a drunk driver mounts the pavement is safe, or a person who walks under a building that collapses on them is safe, or a person who dies in a plane crash is safe. It was horrible bad luck that the combination of factors happened that resulted in her death. But do not victim blame her by suggesting that her choice to walk home was unsafe.

(I say this as the relative of a person who was stabbed by a mentally ill teenager while out walking the dog at 10pm. It would not stop me walking the dog in the same place at the same time).

RestingMurderousFace · 24/01/2022 15:20

@Alittlenonsensenowandthen

Wouldn't occur to me to question it. Take the dog out every night for about the same time. Might be different if I lived somewhere else though.
Same. I'm actually quite shocked by all the responses so far. Confused
Elphame · 24/01/2022 15:20

I would if I knew the area was basically safe.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 24/01/2022 15:20

I don't like getting taxis on my own! I would rather walk if there was no lift available, even if it was an aforementioned quiet route.