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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To walk alone for 45mins at 8pm?

468 replies

imamumgetmeoutofhere · 24/01/2022 14:07

Just that really.

Told my DH I would be walking home from work tonight, finish 8pm.

It takes around 40-45mins. There are no busses at this time. He feels I should get a taxi, mainly due to the attacks on women that have been published in the media recently. I've said I can't justify the expense and am more than happy walking, usually do if it's daylight. We live in a holiday resort area but it's along 3 fairly busy main roads so won't be in any isolated areas.

He usually collects me but he has covid so can't collect me and I don't drive.

AIBU to think its fine to walk home at this time of the day in the dark or should I follow his advise and get a taxi and claw the cost back elsewhere?

OP posts:
PoshPyjamas · 25/01/2022 12:00

not when womens' safety is at stake

But her safety isn’t at stake though. Walking round at 8pm in the dark in a trouble free spot in the UK is really, really safe!

Blossomtoes · 25/01/2022 13:27

@PoshPyjamas

not when womens' safety is at stake

But her safety isn’t at stake though. Walking round at 8pm in the dark in a trouble free spot in the UK is really, really safe!

I expect Sarah Everard thought that too.
Classica · 25/01/2022 13:48

What a thread. All these women quaking in their homes as soon as the sun sets. I wouldn’t think twice about going out for a walk at 8pm in the winter. People saying ‘oh you mustn’t, because Sarah Everard’ what a dismal way to live your life.

AuntyBumBum · 25/01/2022 13:57

@Classica

What a thread. All these women quaking in their homes as soon as the sun sets. I wouldn’t think twice about going out for a walk at 8pm in the winter. People saying ‘oh you mustn’t, because Sarah Everard’ what a dismal way to live your life.
Exactly!

Get the bus? Oh you mustn't, 7/7 2005?

Get a taxi? Oh you mustn't, John Worboys.

Stay at home and hide under the table? Oh you mustn't, Freda Walker.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/01/2022 13:58

Men would never need to start this thread

NerrSnerr · 25/01/2022 14:02

@JuergenSchwarzwald

It's still pretty irresponsible to encourage people to break the law

not when womens' safety is at stake. The safest way for the OP to get home is for her partner to collect her.

Her safety is not at stake.

There is a very small chance that any of us might be attacked at any time. Ashling Murphy was murdered at 4pm.

Of course be aware of your surrounding etc but 8pm is still early, there'll be other people around, cars driving and people generally living their life.

I walk to and from the gym most nights, I could drive but it's walking distance. I have lived here 8 years and there have been no random attacks on women and I may be unlucky and be the first but can't not go out in case something one in a million happens.

NerrSnerr · 25/01/2022 14:05

Can I ask the people who have said the OP shouldn't walk- do you ever go out alone after dark? Go to the shops? Meet a friend in the pub or a restaurant?

Calennig · 25/01/2022 14:07

@Classica

What a thread. All these women quaking in their homes as soon as the sun sets. I wouldn’t think twice about going out for a walk at 8pm in the winter. People saying ‘oh you mustn’t, because Sarah Everard’ what a dismal way to live your life.
I think it even worse than that it's the implication no woman should be out after dark.

It would impact on my kids - scoutes used to be 8.30 pm finish - guide 9 pm - school trips have had very early/later pick up and drop offs even secondary parent evenings go on till 9pm. It would not just massive curtail my life -and cause issues with taking some jobs I've had in past - but theirs as well.

I have a condition that means I can't drive - but I don't think that should mean we are all trapped in our house after dark.

I'm not reckless I think about routes, good shoes, lights alarms and phones - often someone knows where I am and when I'm expected back. 8pm isn't even late really.

AuntyBumBum · 25/01/2022 14:09

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Men would never need to start this thread
They're more likely to be attacked.
Freecuthbert · 25/01/2022 14:14

It depends on the route, honestly. I used to finish work after 8pm every day and walk 50 minutes home. However it was all main roads, well lit and very safe. Still lots of cars driving past and people out and about.

If you're walking down quiet or poorly lit streets, countryside lanes, wooded areas etc then won't hurt to get a taxi as a one-off.

Blossomtoes · 25/01/2022 14:21

@NerrSnerr

Can I ask the people who have said the OP shouldn't walk- do you ever go out alone after dark? Go to the shops? Meet a friend in the pub or a restaurant?
Yes, I drive Yes, I drive Yes, I drive

Do I walk? No. Why? Because I wouldn’t feel safe. Same as I don’t feel safe walking the dogs alone in isolated woods in daylight. Making yourself feel safe is pretty fundamental as is mitigating circumstances which your instincts tell you are unsafe.

KurtWilde · 25/01/2022 14:22

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Men would never need to start this thread
The only people I know who've been attacked walking alone ARE men. My DB on his way home from work. My DS when he was 17 was jumped by 4 lads as he walked home from college. And my DDs boyfriend on his way to work, broad daylight as he cut through the park. He ended up at hospital with concussion.

If I didn't go out after dark my DC would never get to their after school hobbies, I'd never get to visit my mum or siblings, or go for a meal or go see a movie without also having to factor in the price of a taxi that I can't afford. I don't drive and I have no partner to run me around everywhere. I also have dogs that need an evening walk.

I couldn't live in fear like some of the posters on that thread, and I'm truly sorry that some of you feel that way.

sillysmiles · 25/01/2022 15:52

Same as I don’t feel safe walking the dogs alone in isolated woods in daylight
I'm just back from walking the dog in an isolated wood while listening to an audiobook - so headphones in. Dog is friendly old and deaf, so no help if I was to be attacked. I would never consider not going there. I don't walk there at night. At night, I walk the quiet country roads around my house. I've never felt unsafe, though others might. Equally I've never heard of anyone being attacked or intimated in these areas.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 15:54

"The only people I know who've been attacked walking alone ARE men."

They do get attacked more often, but mugged rather than raped. And I presume it's because they're out a lot more and sometimes get caught up in drunken late night fights.

Blossomtoes · 25/01/2022 15:54

That’s fine @sillysmiles. You enjoy feeling safe on your walks in the woods and I’ll feel safe by avoiding them. Win/win 😊

Severntrent · 25/01/2022 15:57

I'd definitely walk it. And enjoy the fresh air and exercise!

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 15:58

@hesbeen2021

I see no reason why this needs to be an issue He can drive to collect you as usual can't he? You live in the same house and he won't be exposing himself to anyone else while in the car It's no bid deal ( unless he's very unwell of course)
Unless the car breaks down or something else happens and he needs to get out of the car. Yes, maybe not that likely, but probably more likely than OP being murdered walking home.
sillysmiles · 25/01/2022 16:02

@Blossomtoes

That’s fine *@sillysmiles*. You enjoy feeling safe on your walks in the woods and I’ll feel safe by avoiding them. Win/win 😊
So do you have to wait until you are with someone to go places like that? How do yo manage it?
Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 16:03

@TwinkleToesStrikesAgain

I go out for a walk most nights around 8-9pm after supper - usually get 5000-8000 steps in. If I didn't I'd never get my steps in. But I feel safe where I live and I wear a head torch for the unlit roads and paths
Well, this is the thing, it's dark all the time outside office hours now so when do women who avoid going out after dark do any walking in the winter? I suppose there's lunchtime...
CrabbyAggie · 25/01/2022 16:06

8pm? It if was 11pm then maybe I’d think twice but then again I’m a lazy bugger and wouldn’t walk 45 minutes anyway Blush.

That poor lady in Ireland was murdered at 4pm with plenty of people around a few weeks ago. You wouldn’t avoid going out on the street then would you?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 25/01/2022 16:07

I honestly have no desire to go tromping round deserted woods by myself. If I get a rare precious child-free day I go to somewhere with coffee shops or the cinema. If we had a dog, I'd take him to the NT at Lacock or the park.

Blossomtoes · 25/01/2022 16:07

So do you have to wait until you are with someone to go places like that?

Yes. There, that’s not difficult, is it?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 25/01/2022 16:10

@Blossomtoes

So do you have to wait until you are with someone to go places like that?

Yes. There, that’s not difficult, is it?

It's not. I used to work 9-5 Monday to Friday, same as my husband. Same free time, same walks.
crazyjinglist · 25/01/2022 16:17

I honestly have no desire to go tromping round deserted woods by myself. If I get a rare precious child-free day I go to somewhere with coffee shops or the cinema. If we had a dog, I'd take him to the NT at Lacock or the park.

Fair enough. I have no desire to trail around streets full of shops and people or trot round parks, when I have miles and miles of beautiful mountains and woods to enjoy, where my dog can run around. I wouldn't say no to a nice NT place though. Or a coffee shop, but that's a treat when I have to trail round the shops.

KurtWilde · 25/01/2022 16:23

@Gwenhwyfar

"The only people I know who've been attacked walking alone ARE men."

They do get attacked more often, but mugged rather than raped. And I presume it's because they're out a lot more and sometimes get caught up in drunken late night fights.

The men in my family who were attacked weren't mugged, nor were they involved in drunken brawls. They were walking to/from work/college and easy targets for lads who were likely bored or egging each other on to pick on someone walking past.