What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

Horrible, vulgar, over-indulgent hen and stag parties

Haha. I used to think this. Then I went to the hen party of a friend who is a proud, shameless trash addict. It certainly wasn't what I wanted for my own hen and I thought I'd hate it but I confess, I had a fucking brilliant time. So out there. So ridiculous. So joyfully, unashamedly tasteless. And entirely chaste because despite the fake penises everywhere, there were no men present. If it was wrong, I don't wanna be right.

And like a pp, until a few years ago I thought 'no boxed gifts' means 'no gifts of the types that usually come in a box' (toasters, kettles, etc.). If you prefer money, just say that you prefer money.

If asking for money through poems that don't scan is a good idea then why don't most banks, businesses and intra-family transactions use them? And why use an off-the-shelf third-party written poem rather than write one yourself? Bit of a shame if it's from Mr and Mrs Orange and the most beautiful expression would put their surname at the end of a line but they'd have to be creative with sporange or make do with hinge.

@Zilla1

If asking for money through poems that don't scan is a good idea then why don't most banks, businesses and intra-family transactions use them? And why use an off-the-shelf third-party written poem rather than write one yourself? Bit of a shame if it's from Mr and Mrs Orange and the most beautiful expression would put their surname at the end of a line but they'd have to be creative with sporange or make do with hinge.

Well, because the dynamics of a wedding invitation to the guests is a bit different to business advertising and close family exchanges. And a lot of people would struggle to write a poem (including the ones who actually do).

The poems are tacky... and i think it's something people beyond MN would agree on.

It's chav. End of.

I always give money, I just don't want to be asked for it. I would say 90% of our wedding gifts were money. I like the presents some older relatives gave us which I wouldn't have thought to buy myself, no one gives toasters these days.

Also a lot of people would not feel comfortable giving €20 in a card, but two champagne glasses would feel ok, even though it cost the same. That's what a relative told me, after his DW was made redundant, with 3 small DC, he couldn't afford much so he didn't go to a good friends wedding because they asked for money as a gift in one of those poems. He gave them a card with the money he would have spent at the wedding instead of going. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to not come to my wedding because they couldn't afford a gift. And before someone says, I don't care if they don't give a gift I would prefer them at my wedding, that isn't the vibe it gives. If you truly don't care just say nothing you will most likely get money anyway.

Because people are looking for reasons to be insulted.
Presumably they are supposed to not mention it and then deal with every person contacting them to ask what they want. Then they have to tell everyone that they have everything they need but a cash contribution would be welcome.
Instead of putting a wedding present list in, asking for cash is preferable.
If we are invited, 50 quid or 75 in an envelope is easy. They can use it for whatever, paying for house stuff, having a holiday or just paying off the wedding. Who cares?

What it looks like people forget on these threads is that IT IS CUSTOM FOR WEDDING GUESTS TO GET YOU A PRESENT/GIVE YOU MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

Actually I expect 99% of folk know this perfectly well, but I've never seen anyone explain what the point is in requesting money when that's what the vast majority give anyway?

I recall, back in the day, many wedding lists with multiple identical items bought by different guests were converted into cash by the retailer with more subtlety and grace.

I hate money poems more than I hate gift lists!

Everyone I know gives money as a wedding gift, so why include one of those ridiculous poems, they make me cringe!

MNers spend a lot of time cringing. Must be very wearing. And probably not good for wrinkles.

@maxelly

Personally, and this is just my opinion, don't come at me angry people of MN, the classy thing to do that gets around all your difficulties is say nothing at all about presents on the actual, formal invitation but have somewhere available a supplementary information sheet, whether it's online or a physical printed sheet of A4, that has useful info about the wedding on it. Things like timings, places to stay in the local area for out-of-town guests, any arrangements being made to get between the ceremony and the reception if it's not all in one place, any arrangements for people with dietary needs, anything you are doing for any children attending (a creche or party games or whatever), all that sort of thing. Somewhere down the bottom of this, have a line re presents saying very simply something like 'We are very lucky and have everything we need, and therefore please do not feel obliged to give a present, your presence at our wedding is all we ask. If you would like to give us something, a small contribution to our honeymoon would be very much appreciated but this is in no way obligatory." This gives the guests the info they are after but in the least grabby way possible IMHO...

This is how I feel instinctively. Small section of the website where you've put the various wedding details. People want to give you a present - let them know what would be your preferred option in a way that makes it easy for them.

I don't get the people saying "why should I give money for a house deposit to someone who's just blown twenty grand on a wedding? Most of that twenty grand has probably gone on the guests' food and drink. If they've spent a hundred quid feeding and entertaining me then yes I'm happy to give them cash for their honeymoon/new kitchen (assuming I can afford it). And if they haven't spent a lot on their wedding, then I'd happily give them something anyway because they're probably broke /they're my friends/it's traditional. The only time I'd be a bit would be if the bride had a couture dress and turned up in a crystal carriage drawn by ten white peacocks while fobbing her guests off with ham sandwiches and a cash bar.

I think grown people asking for presents and money need to read the room. It's grabby and rude.

I don’t mind the poems tbh and I’d much rather give cash.

Completely off post but friends of mine asked for holiday vouchers as a wedding, a specific holiday company. Money was very tight and they intended to pay for the honeymoon using the vouchers. Unfortunately some people didn't read the invite carefully and they ended up with a mishmash of different holiday company vouchers. None of them enough for a complete holiday.

What it looks like people forget on these threads is that IT IS CUSTOM FOR WEDDING GUESTS TO GET YOU A PRESENT/GIVE YOU MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.

A custom that developed when weddings didn't cost guests any money and when the newlyweds were just setting up home together. Now it's "custom" for weddings to involve hours of travel, hotel stays, and multi-day hen parties, for couples who've lived together for years.

It's time for the "custom" to be that attendance at your wedding is your gift from guests.

The poems are twee (and bad) but I have no issue with giving money as a gift. Most people nowadays have lived together for a while before marriage and have plenty of stuff, so I think the days of traditional wedding lists are rapidly disappearing. I'd much rather contribute to a great honeymoon or something than buying tat for the sake of it.

@bcc89

What it looks like people forget on these threads is that IT IS CUSTOM FOR WEDDING GUESTS TO GET YOU A PRESENT/GIVE YOU MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.

So obviously I knew my friends and family would want to get me something. For this reason, I let them know I'd prefer honeymoon spending money (without a weird poem though).

It's not grabby to tell someone what gift you'd prefer if they're going to be buying you a gift. It's pretty stupid to just hope you don't end up with a load of stuff you don't want.

Do you never tell your husband what you'd like for Christmas?

I'm happy to be told what they want, they want cash? Brilliant. They want a present, fab.

Just don't put it in the form of something that reads like a year 9 creative writing exercise.

@CaMePlaitPas

I think grown people asking for presents and money need to read the room. It's grabby and rude.

They have read the room, if by "room" you mean the millennium-old tradition of gifts for couples going through key life events. The overwhelming majority of wedding guests will expect to give a present and will want to know what the couple's preference is.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

What it looks like people forget on these threads is that IT IS CUSTOM FOR WEDDING GUESTS TO GET YOU A PRESENT/GIVE YOU MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

Actually I expect 99% of folk know this perfectly well, but I've never seen anyone explain what the point is in requesting money when that's what the vast majority give anyway?

As you just said, the vast majority. I personally didn't want a present from anyone, I wanted anyone who wanted to spend money on us to give us cash instead for our honeymoon.

And certainly the vibe I've seen from weddings we've been incites to lately is 'Please don't feel you have to give us a gift, we have everything we need and your presence is all we want, but if you do want to ...' Which is hardly demanding money.

I don't object to being asked for cash, but the bloody poems are just awful. Complete doggerel about 'living in sin/we've already got a kitchen bin'. Just stop. If you want cash, then own it and ask for cash.

I wasn't bothered about having anything when I got married. We put a note in with our invites saying that we were happy with no gifts but that if anyone did want to get us anything, then Argos vouchers would be great. Most people gave us nothing, a few gave us a small amount of Argos vouchers, and one gave us a photo frame (and very apologised for doing so, saying that she didn't want to give vouchers). All was absolutely fine, and I've still got the photo frame and the suitcases that we bought with the Argos vouchers.

I'd take a cash poem over a 'no gifts not on the list' though. Then you find that the cheapest thing on there is £100. And you are having to fork out for a two-night stay in the back of beyond because the ceremony is at 11am and it's a five hour drive. And it's a childfree wedding so you've also had to call in babysitting favours or pay for someone.

We have a home already, and we're comfortable so don't want money. Instead we've asked guests that if they'd like to get us a gift we'd like a 'date night' for our first year of marriage. Could be a new board game & a bottle of wine, a restaurant or bar voucher, a bowling voucher etc.

All of our guests know us well so shouldn't be too tricky, and those we've mentioned it too already have been enthusiastic about it.

I was on one of these type threads once where people were genuinely saying, "I was going to give money, but when I received the invite asking for money, I decided to buy them a present instead because it was so cheeky"

Some people are absolute weirdos.