What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

The issue with saying 'no gifts please' is that people will buy you gifts anyway. It's guaranteed. People going to weddings expect to buy gifts, and the 'I'll just get them something small' still turns into a lot of stuff that often isn't wanted or needed or the couple don't have space for. So I think it's sensible to steer guests graciously in a particular direction because you will be bought gifts, regardless if you tell guests not to.

People are much more likely to give money/vouchers anyway, but they don’t need to be told to do so.

Asking for money - in any format, is rude. If the couple have lived together and already have a houseful of stuff, much better to say in lieu of gifts we would appreciate a donation to our favourite charity

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons

Wow. Ok. So it’s not necessarily saying that if you want to give a gift we would appreciate money, it’s just that people are finding the poems awful? I think that when you’re sending out invites, you kind of already know that people will contact you to ask what you want tho, so I can understand people Saying we don’t want presents just your presence please. But knowing that this won’t stop people being insistent , and not wanting to outright say give me your money ( it feels wrong wrong wrong) then perhaps a little poem can say it in a nicer less grabbier way than you are able to word in a nice way? I think it’s a bit harsh to say have a cheaper registry office wedding in your jeans instead of asking me for money for a honeymoon - many peopl will have family helping them with the cost of a wedding, specifically so they DONT have to do that. What a minefield!

I don't mind giving money. It's practical. Unlike gift vouchers, a bank transfer never expires, and you can spend it on what you really want.

I do think those really tweet barely rhyming poems are dreadful though.

Personally, I only object to the poems.

When my niece got married, she put no gifts on her invite. Instead she had a collection tin on the bar for charity, which people put money in.
The money was then given to a charity, whose name was put into a bag with others and drawn out.
The guests thought that was a lovely idea and were very generous.
A couple of others in the family have done the same as their weddings as it proved popular with us lot.

I personally didn't want a present from anyone, I wanted anyone who wanted to spend money on us to give us cash instead for our honeymoon

I know, bcc89, but since that "vast majority" would almost certainly have given you cash anyway, I just don't understand what the point is in asking for it?

Unless of course folk are aiming to persuade the odd relative who insists on giving a hideous vase to every couple, and that's likely to be fruitless since they'll probably get the vase in any case

Asking for cash is money grabbing, even more so if to pay towards the wedding or honeymoon

If they ask for cash, I get them vouchers

I just think the poems are cringey and twee.

No objection to giving money as a wedding gift - would do that 9 times out of 10.

They’re tacky as hell and usually sound like they were written by a 12 year old. If you want money instead of gifts (and it’s pretty common now) just bloody say so.

I'm not contributing for a house deposit for someone who has blown cash on a wedding. Maybe if theyd gone to the register office and got married in clothes they already own.

What’s wrong with them wanting both a nice wedding and a home? It’s not like they’re begging or guilt-tripping you – just putting it out there. If you really want to help them save their money, decline the invitation so that they can put the cost of your meal towards their fund.

A former work colleague invited about 200 people to her wedding. a lot from work that barely even knew her outside of the office.
Specified on the invite a minimum gift value of £50 or the cash equivalent...

Ouch! That reminds me of an old MN thread (apologies if it’s one of those linked in this one – I haven’t clicked on them yet) where the couple had a wishing well for people to put monetary gifts into. Slightly tacky, but fair enough…. except that the bride stood next to it all night and, as soon as somebody posted an envelope into it, she would take it out immediately and tell them bluntly whether she thought they’d given enough!!

Does the Sainsbury’s checkout operator say

“I’m so glad you came to shop with us today
Soon you will be going in your way
I hope you have a fun and lovely day
But first I must now ask if you will pay”?

Granted, it’s not in doggerel form, but I always find it amusing to read the slogan on the Morrisons ‘next customer’ dividers: “Please pay your way”. I assume they’re intending to convey that they offer a number of different payment methods so that you can use whichever is most convenient for you, but it always just reads to me like “Oi, you, this isn't your mum's fridge – don’t go trying to nick stuff!”

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I personally didn't want a present from anyone, I wanted anyone who wanted to spend money on us to give us cash instead for our honeymoon

I know, bcc89, but since that "vast majority" would almost certainly have given you cash anyway, I just don't understand what the point is in asking for it?

Unless of course folk are aiming to persuade the odd relative who insists on giving a hideous vase to every couple, and that's likely to be fruitless since they'll probably get the vase in any case

I don't think there's anything wrong with communicating what you want as your preferred gift type to close friends and family. I would also rather know what they want at their weddings too.

I didn't use a poem and I said their attendance was all we wanted, but if they wanted to get us something, we'd appreciate a small donation towards our honeymoon, but I made it clear that this wasnt compulsory.

Everyone knew they got us something we really wanted.

@Chloemol

Asking for cash is money grabbing, even more so if to pay towards the wedding or honeymoon

If they ask for cash, I get them vouchers

They are so lucky to have you as a friend

One issue with asking for money at all is that it puts people in an awkward position if they don’t have much. If you can barely afford £20, you can put time, effort and thought into getting (or even making) something really nice and appropriate that doesn’t cost much. If you just give £20 it looks mean.

And yes, I agree that asking for money is bad anyway and asking in verse is much, much worse.

I think it's rude and presumptive to mention gifts at all, unless and until someone actually asks.

even more so if to pay towards the wedding or honeymoon. If they ask for cash, I get them vouchers

Why though? Why do you object to contributing to a honeymoon yet will give vouchers? I cannot understand that thinking at all.

No poems from us

We delib didn’t ask or mention

But those who asked, we said euros please for our honeymoon and as taking dd 5 , will do trios like zoo and water park

Some fabulous poets on here, all making me smile!
I’m guessing the idea of asking for cash is perhaps a generational/cultural thing - many cultures gift only cash, pin money to the wedding dress etc, and everyone knows where they stand.
I am mire than happy to gift cash to anyone for any occasion, and wouldn’t be offended if that’s what they asked for.
I’m maybe going against the grain a wee bit here, but I’d rather a money poem than a gift list - always overpriced and waaay out of my price range.
I get that some people think that if your spending tens of thousands on a wedding then think again cos you don’t deserve my money - that’s quite grinchy I think - my wedding was nowhere near £10k but you would t have known it, so that’s very presumptuous ( unless of course you have priced it up, and even then you don’t know who paid for what).
More people living together before getting married these days, so maybe we as a society are more likely to gift money over a present ( if we choose to give a gift). Even now I reckon more and more people are still living with family into their late 20’s and 30’s , so we are more likely to gift cash to help them get their foot in the ladder...
I don’t think there’s an overall
Acceptable answer here - ditch the poems, outright ask for cash if that’s what you want or no boxed gifts ( I didn’t know what this meant either) or just say nothing unless you’re asked , but dint say cash as that’s grabby and rude and the person asking is just going to buy you a picture frame anyway!?! I’m so glad I was married years ago. People seem to have a problem with the bride, the groom, the location, the meal, paying for booze, buying a new outfit, arranging childcare etc. It seems it’s more of a hindrance and dreaded event these days - I always enjoy attending weddings! I buy a new outfit if I can afford it, give cash that I can afford, and normally have plenty of advance notice to arrange saving/shopping/childcare etc. I feel a bit for anyone getting married these days. 👰🏼🤵🏽

It's so cringey. I'm happy to give money but spare me the twee poem!

@Norgie

When my niece got married, she put no gifts on her invite. Instead she had a collection tin on the bar for charity, which people put money in. The money was then given to a charity, whose name was put into a bag with others and drawn out. The guests thought that was a lovely idea and were very generous. A couple of others in the family have done the same as their weddings as it proved popular with us lot.

Sounds similar to a wedding we went to this summer. The bride and groom then kept everyone updated with how much had been donated their chosen charity. Hopefully an idea more people will adopt going forward

If you can barely afford £20, you can put time, effort and thought into getting (or even making) something really nice and appropriate that doesn’t cost much. If you just give £20 it looks mean.

9 times out of 10, the £20 gift will be something they neither want nor need, so utterly wasted. At least with money in a card you'll enjoy a drink or whatever.

Very much agree with you, DuckonaBike - a view underlined when the soon-to-be-married son of a friend said they'd be asking for money "because that way people will give us more"
I don't imagine for an instant that everyone thinks that way, but at the same time I doubt he's alone

Anyway the vote on this one's interesting; I honestly thought it would be more evenly split

I think it's an age thing. Im 31 and I'm going to two weddings this year, am yet to receive official invites but already know I'll be giving them cash as they won't want a load of random crap. They may or may not include a twee poem.

I included a poem in my wedding invites - no one seemed upset!

I don't get invited to many weddings, I'm kind of a hermit and most of my friends have never got married (neither have I!) but I imagine I definitely would be annoyed by a stupid poem asking for money in an invitation!

In fact, I don't really understand why getting married means you get gifts? They are already having a special day all about them and dressing up and probably being all fancy, usually spending thousands, expecting all of their guests to spend money on outfits and travel etc, why do people need so much extra stuff?

Horrible. I got married ten years ago and thought they were horrid and naff then. I also don’t like asking for money in any way shape or form on invitations. Let people gift as they see fit. The chances are most people you invite will know if you already live together and won’t therefore buy you household items.

I begrudge giving to a couple because they’re getting married. They’ve chose to have the wedding they have and the honeymoon if they have one so they should pay for it. Couples getting married aren’t just starting out, it’s not 1950. They’ve usually got a house, cars, both work, sometimes have kids already, they’ve been on holidays before. My friends who are married wouldn’t have dreamed of asking the rest of us for presents or cash for something they’ve chosen to do.
The poems are just a way to try to cover up the cheekiness but just make it worse. Pay for yourselves.