What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

Its twee and the poetry is terrible
Asking for gifts of any kind anyway is rude

In my day, it wasn't done (at least not among the people I knew) to put the wedding gift list in with the invitation or nowadays I guess the link to it online. The inivited guest, if they wanted to, would ask if the couple had a list or had registered anywhere and it was up to the giver what they did about it.

I get and support the no gifts thing, although even then I'd rather it didn't rhyme, but asking for money (or anything) right upfront I think is very naff.

I believe that even in cultures where a money gift is expected, its still not asked for by the bride and groom?

I’m Asian, we don’t bother with flowery poems, we just write ‘no boxed gifts’ please, at the bottom of the actual invitation.

It’s very normal in our culture.

Among my family and friends pretty much everyone gives a cash gift anyway, but directly requesting it, especially via a naff poem, just feels so cringe.

@DrSbaitso

Sooo many people on here detest or resent weddings. I fully love them! Excuse to dress up, catch up with friends and see my friends/family celebrate a special day.

I love them too. I've been to enough funerals. I've never yet had someone who didn't like me invite me to their happy occasion so they can buy me dinner and give me a good night out.

I think 99% of the time it's just a way of distancing oneself from the "princess for a day" stuff, even though nowhere seems to know better than MN what marriage actually is. Invite me to your wedding. I love a do and I don't even mind giving you a present if we like each other.

Same!!

I remember seeing here someone saying they fully hate seeing a wedding invitation in the post, and I just can't get my head around it.

A) why is it a surprise? Aren't you friends with this person?
B) Just don't go if you don't want to
C) food, drink, dancing, craic - what's not to love? life is too bloody short

Saying we don’t want presents just your presence please. But knowing that this won’t stop people being insistent , and not wanting to outright say give me your money ( it feels wrong wrong wrong) then perhaps a little poem can say it in a nicer less grabbier way than you are able to word in a nice way?

But it is outright saying give me money. The fact that it's in a horrifically twee poem doesn't disguise that, or make it polite or ok. The only difference the poem makes is that it makes your wedding guests just cringe themselves inside out as well as thinking you're grabby!

@Fraine

I’m Asian, we don’t bother with flowery poems, we just write ‘no boxed gifts’ please, at the bottom of the actual invitation.

It’s very normal in our culture.

sensible and polite

@crazyjinglist

Saying we don’t want presents just your presence please. But knowing that this won’t stop people being insistent , and not wanting to outright say give me your money ( it feels wrong wrong wrong) then perhaps a little poem can say it in a nicer less grabbier way than you are able to word in a nice way?

But it is outright saying give me money. The fact that it's in a horrifically twee poem doesn't disguise that, or make it polite or ok. The only difference the poem makes is that it makes your wedding guests just cringe themselves inside out as well as thinking you're grabby!

ha ha this......grabby with nae couth

Intrigued by the people who don't mind giving money for a house renovation or deposit but are beside themselves at the idea of giving money for a general pot.

And this one...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2138616-Oh-do-I-have-a-new-low-in-wedding-poems-for-you

(I've been here for ever...I remember these threads when they were "live")

Basically don't put anything in the invite about presents. We didn't, we got cash, vouchers, gifts all of which were graciously accepted.

If you can't afford a huge honeymoon without the contributions of your guests, don't have one!

No problem with people asking for money, but contrived 'poems' in general make me cringe. Making something rhyme (often by rearranging the words so that it doesn't even sound right) seems be a way for people to soften the blow, or skirt around the issue. Just say it as it is. If you think people will be offended by you asking for money then don't do it, or don't invite them!

Saying we don’t want presents just your presence please.

Oh and that's twee too! Either just 'No gifts please', or a nice sentence subtly recognising that they're all probably spending a load on getting there and accommodation (not to mention outfits, childcare etc) so no gifts needed.

I love weddings, don't resent them at all and am happy to buy a gift btw.

It’s tacky in my opinion to expect anything of anyone with regard to weddings, wedding poems are naff and getting around it by just asking for money is crass as well.

People have most probably bought a new outfit, spent money on transport, overnight accommodation and in some cases arranged childcare, possibly time off work.

I think no presents and no money.

I've only been to one wedding where the couple asked for money. It didn't bother me at all- they just said "we don't have a gift list but, if you would like to give us a gift, we're saving up for a new dining room table so a contribution to that would be very much appreciated". I think most people gave some money and a small token gift.

I don't see the point of poems- the ones I've seen posted online are all twee and awful. If you're worried that asking for money is rude, don't do it. It's not less rude because it's in a poem.

The poems are beyond awful - tacky, hallmark crap they’ve googled.

And I find the idea of two people who’ve just spent tens of thousands on a wedding pleading poverty very distasteful. If you can’t afford your honeymoon, why did you spend the equivalent of a house deposit on your wedding?

But then I also loathe the idea that guests have to ‘pay’ for their meal via their gift. I firmly believe you invite people because you want them to celebrate with you because you love them. Not so they can offset the cost of your insta-fest.

Asking for money just feels so transactional. It doesn't matter if you get 15 vases - there's bound to be some that you like and personally I can never find the right size vase in my house!
I don't mind giving money if I can't find something I want to buy but I don't want to be told to give a couple money, especially if they have plenty already!

@Gilly12345

It’s tacky in my opinion to expect anything of anyone with regard to weddings, wedding poems are naff and getting around it by just asking for money is crass as well.

People have most probably bought a new outfit, spent money on transport, overnight accommodation and in some cases arranged childcare, possibly time off work.

I think no presents and no money.

Do you not have any desire to buy something nice for someone you care about for a special occasion? Does it not give you any pleasure?

I hate everything that weddings are about:
Extortionate, and often awful, dresses
Horrible, vulgar, over-indulgent hen and stag parties
People ending up feeling upset over not being included in this or that aspect
The responses always given here of 'It's their wedding, they can ask who they like. Not about you. Get over it'.
Ridiculous venues and costs
Guests being expected to pay hundreds or even thousands to stay for several days in the venue and possibly travel hundreds of miles(or even thousands if abroad)
Grasping, greedy gift lists
Naff money poems
Lots of dreary, boring standing around waiting while photos are taken
Bridezillas and fall-outs
No children allowed
Exotic honeymoons that cost a fortune and have to outdo anyone else's.
The fuss and drama for months beforehand.
It is all about showing off and greed.

DH and I never go. We didn't have any of those things at our wedding by choice. We just refuse invitations and send a nice card unless it is local and someone we are really close to.

What happened to:
a night out with half a dozen friends for a meal and a few drinks/a dance
a simple dress for the bride and a smart suit for the groom
a ceremony in a local church or registry office followed by a simple reception and a bit of an evening do for about 50-60 people?

Million times better for the environment. Not wasting anyone's money. Easier on everyone.

Because the poems are just very - gah!

I find them SO bridezilla.

A simple 'we have not compiled a registry, please don't feel obligated to bring a gift. We appreciate your attendance far more. If you would like to give a gift, cash we can put towards the honeymoon would be hugely appreciated.'

It's never not an uncomfortable to put in your invitations, but if there's a poem it makes it 10x worse.

I feel lucky enough to have never received a money poem. I think I would be strongly tempted to buy them an actual present if I did get one though!!

The last two weddings I’ve been to, and beautiful weddings they were, didn’t ask for any thing, money or otherwise. When we called to ask, they said really, they have everything they need and thank you for asking.

We knew both couples were having honeymoons and where they were going and put cash in their destination currency in the card. That way we knew it wouldn’t get swallowed up by a gas bill and that they would enjoy it.

We were invited to one of those with the link to a website where there was. list of things you could contribute to like cocktails on the beach and new clothes for our honeymoon all of which had very hefty contribution amounts and I was really annoyed at that. Maybe because it was a distant colleague of DHs or perhaps because we only got invited to the evening do!

Not sure why but it made my hackles rise. We didn’t go as it happens but not just because of that.

@OneTC

Can I see an example of a poem please?

Last wedding I went to they put that for presents they would like help with funding a trip, which I thought seemed reasonable

I just Googled it as this concept is entirely new to me.

I want to vomit.

@maxelly You're 100% right. It's probably the fact that I didn't grow up in the UK, but I much prefer people to just say what they want rather than me having to try and decipher unwritten cultural clues about what is/isn't the done thing in relation to wedding gifts.

I hate them. We went to a wedding as evening guests recently. It was some distance away, we needed to book hotel etc. Arrived to find there was only us and one other couple who were evening guests. The day part ran over and we were sat outside whilst all the day guests were listening to the speeches. when we got into the main reception room all the day guests were still at their tables and no where for the ( four of us ) evening guests to sit. And then ended up feeling like we were paying for this because of one of these horrible little poems sent in the invite.

@Fraine

I’m Asian, we don’t bother with flowery poems, we just write ‘no boxed gifts’ please, at the bottom of the actual invitation.

It’s very normal in our culture.

It works fine if everyone understands 'no boxed gifts' .

If not you might end up with five toasters - carefully removed from their packaging so they can't be returned or sold on.

What it looks like people forget on these threads is that IT IS CUSTOM FOR WEDDING GUESTS TO GET YOU A PRESENT/GIVE YOU MONEY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.

So obviously I knew my friends and family would want to get me something. For this reason, I let them know I'd prefer honeymoon spending money (without a weird poem though).

It's not grabby to tell someone what gift you'd prefer if they're going to be buying you a gift. It's pretty stupid to just hope you don't end up with a load of stuff you don't want.

Do you never tell your husband what you'd like for Christmas?