What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

It's just twee and usually total doggerel!

I don't really mind giving money, tbh, but think there are classier ways to ask than 'ooh this is a bit naughty so let's find something schmaltzy and ungrammatical on Google'. Most couples are now cohabiting before marriage so don't need traditional wedding gifts but people still want to give something towards a larger item. My cousin and her fiance asked for contributions towards a new sofa. I was more than happy to be giving them something useful.

Honestly it’s a minefield! I wanted to not put anything but my mum insisted the older folks would need something on there, so we put a little note about their presence being the greatest gift but if they want to get us something we’d appreciate money towards decorating our first house. Nobody seemed offended but you never know! I do think poems are a bit cheesy though

I can provide RSVPs

“I see that you have asked for cash
Debrett’s says that’s quite rude
So how about we call it quits
And I’ll bring my own food”

Just naff as fuck. If you want to beg for money have the balls to do it openly rather than dressing it up in twee poetry.

So glad I hadn't discovered mumsnet before planning my own wedding. We didn't use a money poem or anything, but literally everything about weddings seems to get peoples backs up around here.

The wedding money poem is like a knitted toilet roll cover. Yes, it might look frilly and pretty, but there's still a toilet roll under there. And ironically it only draws attention to the toilet roll, as who in their right minds would put a crocheted princess doll atop their cistern

@BlueSkyeThinker, I think I love you! That’s exactly what they are - twee doggerel to ‘soften the blow’ of saying Cash, Please.

I think it’s generational - older relatives wanted to buy things, most under 60 just gave money at the last few weddings I’ve been to.

@BowerOfBramble

Oh my god, is that what "no boxed gifts" means?

I've always found that completely confusing, like the couple have something against boxes. I definitely didn't give money, just something that didn't come in a "box".

This has made me

I just find it painfully embarrassing to ask for gifts of any sort (walking cliche of Britishness I suppose).

I do much prefer gifting cash at weddings though as it’s the easiest option. Just like I would automatically take a gift of wine/flowers to a dinner party, I’d take a cash gift to a wedding.

Just like I would never demand someone brought wine/flowers to my parties, I wouldn’t ask for any kind of gift for my wedding. If people want to gift something (money or otherwise), graciously accept it. If they don’t, that’s fine too; weddings can be expensive to attend and it’s better that come than not be able to because of the expectation of a gift.

Because they're awful. Everyone thinks that saying things like "your presence is our present" is witty and original and its just cringey.

It’s the poems that are shit, not the concept of asking for money!!

Does the Sainsbury’s checkout operator say

“I’m so glad you came to shop with us today
Soon you will be going in your way
I hope you have a fun and lovely day
But first I must now ask if you will pay”?

People who do money poems don’t understand money or poetry.

@OneSolitaryCornflake

I'm not contributing for a house deposit for someone who has blown cash on a wedding. Maybe if theyd gone to the register office and got married in clothes they already own.

I don't really understand this....

If you end up buying a gift, youre still contributing to their financial 'pot'.... It just means the money they wouod jave spent on the gift then gets used for their house reno /lux holiday.

@IncompleteSenten

In England, asking for what you want is rude.

There is a specific ritual people are supposed to follow.

You ask what the person wants.

They say they don't want anything.

You insist you want to give them something.

They insist there really is no need.

You come close to blows.

You plead to be allowed to give them something.

They suggest a 50p fork from Amazon but only if it's not too much trouble.

You show up with a £100 crystal bowl that sits in its wrapped box on the table with 20 other identical crystal bowls, ten toasters and a teapot

They write thank you letters then store the gifts for 6 years before bunging the lot on eBay and using the cash to get something they actually want.

Exactly this. I think most people expect to give a gift for a wedding because they want to celebrate that person's marriage and it's customary to give a gift (that you can afford). These days for most people money is preferred because let's face it most people wouldn't say no to a financial uplift especially when newly married and maybe wanting to start a family. I don't think it's rude to say you would prefer money to a gift. Obviously on here it seems to get a lot of people's backs up. I don't know why. Now if you had a bride and groom suggesting a certain amount or complaining you didn't give enough then that's extremely rude. But preferring money to box gifts...I don't think it's rude personally. The poems are a bit naff but I think it's harmless and it wouldn't rile me up.

When my daughter got married, they never mentioned d presents or money. The result was they got some genuinely unique and lovely presents but mostly money. I think it's bad manners to even mention gift giving but if asked that's when you say. I had a gift list when I got married many years ago and when asked, my mum gave them the list. That way people were free to get what they could afford and want.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado yeah and that's fine it's just the outright cheekiness of "we've spent all our money on a wedding we wanted instead of going cheap and saving our money for a deposit so please replace it" attitude.

I find them embarrassing. My friend who had a massive wedding paid for entirely by her parents asked for money for the honeymoon which made us all wonder what contribution the bride and groom had made. They got £9,000.

There’s never a tasteful way to ask for money. The argument that people don’t want multiple toasters etc is a weak excuse to ask for money as an alternative. If someone is close enough to be invited to a wedding, surely they should know that the couple already live together so therefore gift choices of kettles and toasters are risky ones. It’s cheap and back, you get what you’re given and should be grateful for it. We never mentioned anything about gifts or money for our wedding, when people asked we said it wasn’t necessary but if they’d like to (as some insisted) we said surprise us.

I didn't write anything about gifts or money on my wedding invite. We ended up with wedding cards with cash in them and the odd gift. Was a lovely mix.

Personally I think it's better to say nothing and just see what turns up more of a suprise then and nobody feels any pressure.

@WhatScratch

I know, hilarious!

Money poems seen very grabby/entitled imo.

@CourgetteSeason

So glad I hadn't discovered mumsnet before planning my own wedding. We didn't use a money poem or anything, but literally everything about weddings seems to get peoples backs up around here.

I'm not keen on asking for money in any circumstance, so this is one aspect of weddings I'll throw two pence in. But oh my god the hatred for weddings/brides on here is shocking!!

Sooo many people on here detest or resent weddings. I fully love them! Excuse to dress up, catch up with friends and see my friends/family celebrate a special day.

The outage that the day isn't planned with them specifically in mind is shocking. Also, I've never ever seen a bridezilla story, but I have seen a few posts from cranky guests who admit they hate weddings, which I think is very telling! I'm convinced the term "bridezilla" was invented by a grumpy guest who didn't actually even want to go to the wedding!

It doesn't bother me. No, the poetry isn't exactly Carol Ann Duffy, but assuming I like the couple enough to attend their wedding and spend a bit of money on them, I can overlook this. It doesn't offend me and I'm glad to be giving them something useful. I really can't imagine taking it as some sort of personal insult.

Any sort of poem where the emphasis is on rhyming (over message and cadence) is always going to be cringey.

Sooo many people on here detest or resent weddings. I fully love them! Excuse to dress up, catch up with friends and see my friends/family celebrate a special day.

I love them too. I've been to enough funerals. I've never yet had someone who didn't like me invite me to their happy occasion so they can buy me dinner and give me a good night out.

I think 99% of the time it's just a way of distancing oneself from the "princess for a day" stuff, even though nowhere seems to know better than MN what marriage actually is. Invite me to your wedding. I love a do and I don't even mind giving you a present if we like each other.

We haven’t put anything on our invites but on our wedding website have put that we just want them to share the day with us but if they want to bring a gift then a couple of dollars would be great to spend on the honeymoon.

We have relied heavily on the mums telling people to not buy gifts. I think we would have had at least 3 coffee machines from aunts and uncles otherwise.

"Cancel the cheque" will be one reason

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

literally everything about weddings seems to get peoples backs up around here.

But, at the same time, god forbid you have children/live with a man before you're married