Do people leave child free weddings early?

Soontobeoutnumbered3 · 2022-01-24T09:38:21+00:00

If you’ve had, or been to, a wedding that was child free did you find that some guests left earlier because they had to go home to let the babysitter get off? Or did it mean that guests could stay until the end as they didn’t have tired children with them? YABU - child free weddings allow guests to stay later than they might have if children had been with them. YANBU - guests tend to leave child free weddings early to get back to the babysitter

LittleKitten1 · 24/01/2022 09:44

I probably wouldn't be able to attend at all as I wouldn't use a babysitter for this and have limited family that can help with childcare, I'd be unlikely to leave my youngest over night, who goes to bed at 7 so I'd need to leave v early to be back in time - If it was even doable. I don't particularly enjoy going to weddings without my partner either unless I know lots of other guests and wouldn't be likely to spend money on hotel etc if it was just me.

If I go to a wedding with the kids invited , we usually stay until midnight. They love dancing and would be having a great time. We'd also be more likely to stay in a hotel near the venue so it feels more like an experience. Don't mind spending the money if it's for a family thing for all of us.

Talipesmum · 24/01/2022 09:44

It’s going to depend partly on where the wedding is vs where the guests and their children are staying. If guests are having to travel to the wedding and are staying overnight, and have had to make complicated arrangements for their children to be looked after at their home, they’ll probably stay late (this is what we did once). But if they live locally, it will depend on the babysitters.

As a guest, I’d rather be given the choice to bring my children or not. I’m very capable of deciding for myself what I’d prefer - I was lucky enough to be able to ask my parents to come and collect my young children before the evening part once, and we had a lovely long evening. If you make it child free and hope that will encourage people to stay longer, you might just end up with people unable to come at all, or as you say rushing back to babysitters. Best to give them the option rather than forcing it. I’m sure people would stay if they can.

Knockon · 24/01/2022 09:45

Childfree weddings mean either stay until the wee hours or until carriages, definitely. Child included weddings we leave after the wedding breakfast / speeches

BubbleBanana · 24/01/2022 09:48

I always thought the point of a child free wedding is so guests can stay late and party. The vast majority of weddings we went to involved an overnight stay (including an upcoming child free one) so it's implied that the children are with grandparents or somewhere else overnight. Have it child-free is the only chance more parents might be able to stay later because if they brought their children with they would 100% need to leave early.

Annabelll · 24/01/2022 09:49

I would have to leave a wedding much earlier if I had my children with me as they’d be hard work if I kept them up too late.

BUT we are lucky that we have family who will have the kids overnight so if we are at a childfree wedding we can stay until the end.

BasiliskFace · 24/01/2022 09:49

I also think it really depends on the age of the children, who is babysitting and where the wedding is.
When kids were really little (under one) I wouldn’t have come.
A bit older, they might have been staying overnight with my parents in which case obviously I’d be staying later. The same if we had to travel to the wedding and were staying in a hotel. If there was a babysitter who had to leave though, then yes, we’d be leaving at an earlier time to get back to them.
My sister had loads of children at her wedding and set up a room with a TV, and lots of cushions, for if they wanted to withdraw and watch Tv or sleep.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 24/01/2022 09:50

10pm would be the absolute limit if we had children with us. 9pm more likely.

Without children... they are most likely with their grandparents so no time limit.

Adatwistscientist · 24/01/2022 09:51

The only way we could go to a child free wedding is to stay in a hotel nearby with the DC and tag team the wedding during the day. So we wouldn't go.

Chely · 24/01/2022 09:52

Last wedding we went to without the kids we left much earlier than most other guests, only went because it was BIL's would decline non-family if child free. Last one we went to with kids (SIL's) was a 2 hour drive from home so we left that one early too.

Thehop · 24/01/2022 09:52

We’d have to leave early to relieve sitter and reduce the bill for said sitter!

OneSolitaryCornflake · 24/01/2022 09:52

Depends on the wedding. I tend to use the getting back to the kids as an excuse when I've had enough and leave early.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/01/2022 09:54

We've not been to a wedding in so long I can barely remember

I know if we go to a childfree wedding we aim to have the kids out on a sleepover then we either stay at the venue overnight or til the end.

We last took the kids to a wedding when they were 10m and 3 - we lasted til 9pm.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 24/01/2022 09:54

We had a child free wedding. Some people still brought their children. They were the ones who left early once they realised it really wasn’t a child friendly event. Everyone else had to be crowbarred out.

GrapefruitPink · 24/01/2022 09:55

With children, I'd put a time limit on it.

No children, I'm up all night

Jellycatspyjamas · 24/01/2022 09:55

My kids are older primary so if we went to a wedding they’d stay up and dance all night. If we needed a babysitter we’d leave around 10 to let her go home.

Plumbear2 · 24/01/2022 09:56

Yes I would definitely leave earlier. Having to pay for a sitter I would either attend the actual wedding or attend part of the night do. I wouldn't do both.

Skeumorph · 24/01/2022 09:59

If you're trying to decide, think of it this way.

Parents who have easy cheap access to childcare and would see it as a great way to get a child-free night will leave their children at home anyway.

People who don't have or can't afford childcare/don't want to leave young children late/don't like the idea of huge effort or travel unless they can make it a family event or a couple of days holiday and can only do that with the children too (and that's a lot of categories) will either just come for some of it or decline.

People who know their children will be whiny pains after 10 will more likely make every effort to find childcare, because the whining will mainly be directed at them and - everyone wants to relax and enjoy a wedding.

If you want max turnout, just give people the choice.

Note that the only people you will annoy by doing this are the kind of people who will look as if they're sucking a lemon at the slightest noise or fuss from a young child, and leave early because, um, noise and enjoyment - as per @Knockon post above.

So win win really.

bakinginspo · 24/01/2022 10:00

We wouldn't be able to attend at all - or usually one of us goes while the other stays with the kids

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/01/2022 10:01

@Skeumorph

If you're trying to decide, think of it this way.

Parents who have easy cheap access to childcare and would see it as a great way to get a child-free night will leave their children at home anyway.

People who don't have or can't afford childcare/don't want to leave young children late/don't like the idea of huge effort or travel unless they can make it a family event or a couple of days holiday and can only do that with the children too (and that's a lot of categories) will either just come for some of it or decline.

People who know their children will be whiny pains after 10 will more likely make every effort to find childcare, because the whining will mainly be directed at them and - everyone wants to relax and enjoy a wedding.

If you want max turnout, just give people the choice.

Note that the only people you will annoy by doing this are the kind of people who will look as if they're sucking a lemon at the slightest noise or fuss from a young child, and leave early because, um, noise and enjoyment - as per @Knockon post above.

So win win really.

Excellent post

We prefer not to bring our kids but wouldn't care if other kids were there

Traumdeuter · 24/01/2022 10:01

Depends on whether someone really wants to be there or not! If I had reliable, affordable childcare in place and it was a good wedding of people I liked, you’d have to boot me out at closing time. If I was there out of obligation (highly unlikely for me because I’d just not go in that case, but there are loads of threads about this so some people must) then I’d leave early.

Skeumorph · 24/01/2022 10:02

See above OP - everyone saying they'd stay late without kids and go early if they HAD the kids follows immediately with 'they'd stay with grandparents'/'we'd get a sitter'.

These people will do that anyway. It doesn't matter if you make it child free, you're not saying that they HAVE to bring their kids, so they won't, and they'll stay late.

The only thing that making it officially child-free does is prevent those who HAVE to bring their kids from accessing as much of the wedding as they'd like to.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 24/01/2022 10:02

I never go to "no kids" weddings.

Scbchl · 24/01/2022 10:03

No not in my experience. In general people only invite children from their family to weddings. Iv only been to my brothers and sisters weddings with my children. We stayed till the end and when we go to all our friends weddings everyone stays to the end.

I don't know anyone who uses babysitters they need to get home too. We all have children away overnight. So we defo stay. Its only on mumsnet I read about people with no babysitters or ones who don't stay over night. In my friendship, dh friendship and all our family circles we all have babysitters and all help each other out for things like that.

PrivateHall · 24/01/2022 10:03

We have been to child free weddings twice ever, both times we left the Dc with family and we stayed over at the venue os stayed at the wedding until the end.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 24/01/2022 10:03

There are also lots of people saying they’d have to leave early with their kids.

OP, Do you want kids there or not? That’s all that matters x