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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do people leave child free weddings early?

108 replies

Soontobeoutnumbered3 · 24/01/2022 09:38

If you’ve had, or been to, a wedding that was child free did you find that some guests left earlier because they had to go home to let the babysitter get off? Or did it mean that guests could stay until the end as they didn’t have tired children with them?

YABU - child free weddings allow guests to stay later than they might have if children had been with them.

YANBU - guests tend to leave child free weddings early to get back to the babysitter

OP posts:
housemaus · 24/01/2022 11:20

@RobotValkyrie

Child-free wedding is such a joyless concept... There's already stag and hen dos for people who care about partying till stupid-o-clock like a bunch of unattached bachelors. A wedding is supposed to be a family event bringing multiple generations together.
Weddings are 'supposed' to be the marriage of two people - everything else is cultural or personal preference.

We didn't have children at our wedding because we don't have any, there wasn't anyone under the age of 25 in our family at the time, and most of our friends didn't have kids at the time and the ones who did had toddlers, who we didn't really fancy running around.

So: it was a family event as all our family were there, including the youngest generation (myself and my sister). And everyone was there til 2am, including the parents :)

(P.S. It's very weird that you think 'having fun until past midnight' is behaving 'like a bunch of unattached bachelors').

Squirrelblanket · 24/01/2022 11:21

I am childfree but even so, it's really unlikely that I would be still at a wedding at midnight!

It does make me laugh though that it's always assumed that the couple haven't considered that making it childfree means some people can't/won't come. They likely have and they've taken that decision anyway, soz parents.

Goldbar · 24/01/2022 11:25

@Squirrelblanket

I am childfree but even so, it's really unlikely that I would be still at a wedding at midnight!

It does make me laugh though that it's always assumed that the couple haven't considered that making it childfree means some people can't/won't come. They likely have and they've taken that decision anyway, soz parents.

For some people, it may be a clever ploy to limit numbers (including of adults), which is absolutely fine!

But I don't understand people who get offended when others either decline the invitation or leave early.

maddy68 · 24/01/2022 11:52

In my experience no

Heyahun · 24/01/2022 11:55

id stay overnight and leave the baby overnight tbh - enjoy my night out!

Spikeyball · 24/01/2022 11:56

The only one that we have been to, we left during the day time part for a few hours to move our child from one baby sitter to another and then went back although we left early again to take elderly relatives home.

caoraich · 24/01/2022 12:01

The local child free weddings we've been to, we have left at 10ish to let the babysitter off

The child friendly ones, we've generally stayed in a hotel on site (where possible) then let the wee one stay up for a bit of dancing and taken turns keeping an eye on her in the room. This also allows us to go to weddings far away. A recent one, a kind friend who doesn't drink went and sat in the hotel room for a bit at around 10pm to give us a chance to dance together too.

Child-free, far away weddings, we simply don't go to

ThettaReddast · 24/01/2022 12:05

We had family kids only (I know, not a mumsnet favourite but there were reasons) and found that the family members who had the kids with them left relatively early, friends stayed to the bitter end.

statetrooperstacey · 24/01/2022 12:05

If we have kids with us we leave early , before the fighting startsGrin
Otherwise, we stay and enjoy it.

Dixiechickonhols · 24/01/2022 12:08

In light of your update it’s probably more an age thing and bride and groom out of step with their friends. Going to bed 1 or 2 am isn’t appealing. All those parents would have to be up Sunday morning no doubt ferry kids to football etc.
They will have already been at wedding hours, there’s only so much chit chat you can take. Going home because of babysitting is a convenient excuse. If they’ve had grandma babysitting for hours she’ll want to go home or a paid teenager babysitter will charge lots more after midnight. If they’d invited kids people would have left before midnight. If you’ve been out since mid afternoon in a dress and heels you are ready for pjs and a brew.
Couples think their day is unique and amazing but by that age people will have been to many similar weddings.

statetrooperstacey · 24/01/2022 12:09

As an aside I’ve seen many wedding and a few funerals destroyed by kids and babies.

honeylulu · 24/01/2022 12:11

I only think I've done 7 weddings since having children. Four of them were child free.

Two of them we we left early straight after the meal because we had to relieve the (paid) sitter. My parents were at the weddings so couldn't babysit and my inlaws are dead.

One we declined the day and just went to the evening as it was local and an evening sitter was much cheaper than a whole day.

One was a destination wedding where we were in another country for a couple nights. 6 month old son stayed with my parents but they found it a bit much and asked not to do it again!

Fifth wedding my parents were there but not staying for the evening so they took our son back home with them (where we were staying anyway as it was a wedding in my home town). That one actually wasn't child free - he was there for the ceremony and afternoon reception- but we did make the most of being able to stay for the dancing!

The two others included children and we stayed for the evening (he was about 7 or 8) until 10ish . He's quite a night owl but was falling asleep by then. One of them was a destination wedding which we'd have had to decline if it was child free (see comment from my parents above!).

All good. Child free weddings are fair enough. The only time I've felt really disappointed was when even tiny babes in arms were excluded and I really wanted to go! But it's not all about me, I know!

If you want people to stick around all day and evening it really comes down to whether those guests have willing and able grandparents available. For anyone else the expense and logistics can be prohibitive.

TheChemicalMother · 24/01/2022 12:12

If it’s miles away from where people live, they will either not come, or will have overnight care.

If local they would either leave early for babysitter, have overnight care, leave earlyish because kids or do what suits them best.

BertieQueen · 24/01/2022 12:34

I have been invited to 2 weddings where children were not invited.

1st wedding I attended but everyone who had children did leave between 9:30/10pm myself included.

2nd wedding was child free, on a weekday in the school holidays. The whole thing just wasn’t possible. Many declined the invite again myself included and our relationship with the bride has never been the same, we don’t meet up anymore, it’s a casual text on birthdays etc.

ItsSnowJokes · 24/01/2022 12:39

I don't go to child free weddings as I haven't got any childcare but if I had to pay for childcare then I probably would leave early. Paying £10-15 an hour for a babysitter on top of £££ for the day is just ridiculous.

VikingOnTheFridge · 24/01/2022 13:09

You probably will get some that'll leave early yeah. The ones who have left the kids with a babysitter for the night. The ones who've got overnight childcare will likely stay later. It'll depend on your crowd.

jimmyjammy001 · 24/01/2022 13:15

Child free weddings are definitely alot more fun, parents can drink and not worry about having to look after children, there are no children crying and moaning about being board, parents can stay out til whatever time they want and not having to leave early when everyone is just going onto the dance floor to have a good time

SquishySquirmy · 24/01/2022 13:31

jimmyjammy001 but I dont understand why the parents who don't want to bring their kids can't leave them at home anyway? If you'd rather leave kids at home (and you have the childcare), why does the wedding have to be child free for you to do that?

Even at child friendly weddings, it is not compulsory to bring your child!

tickingthebox73 · 24/01/2022 13:50

The mistake I suspect is that people who don't have kids assume that people with kids want to get away from them!

I love my kids, and while I'd happily go to a child free wedding, even staying late, reality is that it's hard or most to get overnight childcare (and one wedding all my childcare options were invited to the wedding!)

OfstedOffred · 24/01/2022 13:55

I've been amazed since having children at the number of people who assume you have family willing to have your children overnight for a 24h or longer stay, regularly.

My parents live 2.5 hours away, are in their 70s, have lives of their own and have loads of grandkids! They have neither the time for minding my kids nor the willingness to offer this for several sets of grandkids.they can just about manage a one night wedding (although the 3 hour drive makes logistics difficult) but would never be willing to do 2 days/2 nights childcare without us there.

It's not childfree weddings that are so much the issue as the ones where there's an expectation that overnight childcare is easily available (and B&G are miffed if it's not and you cant attend).

VestaTilley · 24/01/2022 14:11

DH and I have only been to one child free wedding - we left at 9pm to drive home (1.5 hours) so we’d be there when DS woke up (my DPs were babysitting).

We’ve got another in August when my DPs will babysit again, but we’ll stay over for that one as it’s too far away to drive back, so I expect we’ll stay til the end of the do then go to our hotel and leave early the following morning to get back to DS and DPs.

VikingOnTheFridge · 24/01/2022 14:21

@Soontobeoutnumbered3

It’s not my wedding, but one that I was recently involved with. I was speaking to the B&G and they were “disappointed” that the wedding reception was effectively dead by 11pm. They’re a couple in their late 30’s/early 40’s who currently don’t have children and had said that to keep costs down (said to me, not on the invite) they were not inviting children. The majority of their guests have children and at least half of the guests had left before 10:30. The reception included fireworks at midnight at the end of the dancing and then a “supper” or cookies, sausage rolls etc. which mostly went untouched. (The wedding was on a Saturday and close to where the majority of their friends and family live)

@Skeumorph sums it up well in my opinion

Ah, this is the problem with the whole your day your rules thinking, unfortunately. It's 100% fine to have whatever day the couple want, but in order to avoid disappointment it's wise to think about the potential consequence of those choices.
ZenNudist · 24/01/2022 14:23

Neither. Most people don't get a paid babysitter but ask family so then it's business as usual.

actiongirl1978 · 24/01/2022 14:25

I've never been to a wedding where my children were invited. We always have to travel and stay in a hotel. The only reason id leave is to go to bed as I don't cope well staying up late

elliejjtiny · 24/01/2022 14:27

I wouldn't go to a child free wedding. If children were invited at it was fairly local we would stay until kids started getting bored/tired.