Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do people leave child free weddings early?

108 replies

Soontobeoutnumbered3 · 24/01/2022 09:38

If you’ve had, or been to, a wedding that was child free did you find that some guests left earlier because they had to go home to let the babysitter get off? Or did it mean that guests could stay until the end as they didn’t have tired children with them?

YABU - child free weddings allow guests to stay later than they might have if children had been with them.

YANBU - guests tend to leave child free weddings early to get back to the babysitter

OP posts:
Sparechange · 24/01/2022 10:29

We don’t have anyone to leave children with overnight, but can use babysitters who can do bedtime etc
But that means we have to get home at a sensible time to let them leave, so depending on how far we are from the wedding venue, we would need to leave in order to be home by 11pm at the latest

At weddings where we have been able to bring children, we book a hotel near the venue and then one of us will take them back there at bedtime, wait until they are asleep and then let a hotel babysitter stay with them so we can both come back to the party

User310 · 24/01/2022 10:30

My friend had a wedding where children were invited, people that wanted to stay late either took them to a baby sitter in the early evening or got a baby sitter for the whole day. Everybody was merry, the kids were happy. It was actually really lovely having children running about.. as long as they were not mine!

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 24/01/2022 10:32

When DS has come to a wedding we've had him nap too stay up late, then one of us stayed with him while one partied and then swapped. When he wasn't allowed to go we've declined three weddings, and for the other one left early to put him to bed, but because of adding travel time it was much earlier than it would have been otherwise. It's cool for people to ban children from weddings as long as they don't get upset that parents of young children don't want to attend.

MiniatureHotdog · 24/01/2022 10:32

With children - stay to the end. A late night won't hurt them and weddings are a fun one-off.

Without children - we'd probably not go at all, but for rare invites where we really genuinely wanted to be there we'd probably make an overnight of it if we could,as most weddings aren't local so rushing back for 10pm or whatever wouldn't really work anyway.

Profiterolla · 24/01/2022 10:35

We had a child-free wedding. It's impossible to generalise into YABU / NU, everyone's situation is different.

We invited about 10 couples with small children - 1 declined, 2 where one adult came to the wedding and the other stayed at home, 1x couple left before the evening do, and all the rest had family who were looking after the children overnight so they stayed out until the early hours.

TBH I was surprised (but pleased!) that so many of them could stay for the evening do, and would have understood if they all had to leave early.

Mommabear20 · 24/01/2022 10:36

From my experience saying ' child free wedding' is pointless as people bring them anyway resulting in fights because there isn't enough seats 🤷‍♀️

AndrewPeacock · 24/01/2022 10:41

We never take DC with us, whilst they might enjoy the dancing (until tiredness sets in) they'd be fucking bored and miserable for all the hours leading up to that part. They stay with GPs and DH and I will stay at the wedding until the end and this seems to be what all our group does.

Knockon · 24/01/2022 10:43

@Skeumorph ha! I should have clarified that that is our plan of attack for weddings with or without our children Grin i’m always impressed by those parents that do stay with their kids beyond bedtime - we can’t hack it! The last wedding we went to we took our daughter (3) who had a great day but left about 1930 so she could sleep in car on the way home. We could have stayed, totally childfriendly wedding but just for us is tooooo much!

FTMworrier · 24/01/2022 10:47

We had a child free wedding and as far as I know no one left early 🤷🏻‍♀️

RobotValkyrie · 24/01/2022 10:48

Child-free wedding is such a joyless concept... There's already stag and hen dos for people who care about partying till stupid-o-clock like a bunch of unattached bachelors.
A wedding is supposed to be a family event bringing multiple generations together.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 24/01/2022 10:48

We had a no kids under 12 wedding which only affected 1 person in reality as no one else had small children

They left children with their dad (they were separated) and stayed over at the hotel the wedding was at

But as others have said it’s impossible to generalise. It all depends on your own family & friendship group

Theeyeballsinthesky · 24/01/2022 10:50

Fucking hell judgemental much??? Everyone at my wedding had a bloody brilliant time. My family is very important to me and there was a huge amount of love, fun & joy.

Joyless ffs!!!

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 24/01/2022 10:51

We would have to leave early as don't have anyone who could do overnight childcare, at best we'd be able to get a babysitter so depending on distance we'd need to leave in time to be home by midnight.

Kshhuxnxk · 24/01/2022 10:55

Chd free there till the music stops. With children as soon as I can get away.

traintraveller · 24/01/2022 10:58

In my experience people who take their children to weddings leave earlier that those who leave them with a babysitter.

BMIbum · 24/01/2022 11:02

We may not attend at all as we can only ask family for childcare very rarely across a year, so unless it was a very good friend we wouldn't use up childfree time on someone else's wedding. . . .

If it was local and a good friend we'd pay a babysitter but wouldn't pay for more than 4 or 5 hours as it's so expensive so would just pop into the evening do for a few hours then be away about 10/11pm.

If it involved an overnight stay either D H

BMIbum · 24/01/2022 11:03

Posted to soon, if was an overnight event either DH or I would go on our own depending on whose friend it was, the other would stay home for the weekend with the kids.

OfstedOffred · 24/01/2022 11:04

It can be neither!

A childfree wedding can mean you need to get back earlier regardless because even if you've had a babysitter, your kid is going to wake you at 6.30am/in the night and you need to be in a fit state to care for them. Not everyone has family who are willing to have their children overnight and deal with them in the morning while they sleep off a late night/hangover.

EezyOozy · 24/01/2022 11:05

I wouldn't be able to attend at all.

RosesAndHellebores · 24/01/2022 11:06

The leaving time depends on the hosts surely. Service followed by wedding breakfast then home. With children I'd leave after the speeches and not stay for the after party if there is one.

OfstedOffred · 24/01/2022 11:08

I think what it can be really hard for wedding guests to make some brides/grooms understand is that their children needs will get prioritised over the wedding.

We've had an issue lately with a couple who are miffed that we can't palm off both our young kids for 48 hours plus on anyone with a pulse, to attend their multi-day childfree wedding.

Goldbar · 24/01/2022 11:08

@Soontobeoutnumbered3

It’s not my wedding, but one that I was recently involved with. I was speaking to the B&G and they were “disappointed” that the wedding reception was effectively dead by 11pm. They’re a couple in their late 30’s/early 40’s who currently don’t have children and had said that to keep costs down (said to me, not on the invite) they were not inviting children. The majority of their guests have children and at least half of the guests had left before 10:30. The reception included fireworks at midnight at the end of the dancing and then a “supper” or cookies, sausage rolls etc. which mostly went untouched. (The wedding was on a Saturday and close to where the majority of their friends and family live)

@Skeumorph sums it up well in my opinion

Clearly it was up to them what kind of wedding they wanted but they sound a bit clueless. Didn't it occur to them that their friends with children might have to book babysitters for those children, which might mean that they had to get back for them?

I think they'd have had more luck if the wedding had been at least a couple of hours from where they lived so people had to stay in a hotel. At that point, those without grandparents/family childcare would have declined and the rest probably would have made a weekend of it. For a local evening event, I'd typically book a babysitter until 10/11pm rather than asking my parents to travel up to look after DC. But my babysitter of choice likes to be home by midnight so I wouldn't be asking her to stay until the early hours. I'm also paying her £14ph which adds up for a long day!

notanothertakeaway · 24/01/2022 11:09

@RobotValkyrie

Child-free wedding is such a joyless concept... There's already stag and hen dos for people who care about partying till stupid-o-clock like a bunch of unattached bachelors. A wedding is supposed to be a family event bringing multiple generations together.
A wedding is supposed to be a family event bringing multiple generations together

And there I was, thinking a wedding was to celebrate the bride and groom's marriage

Like you, I love to see children at weddings, but surely you can see that others feel differently

Allsorts1 · 24/01/2022 11:13

I had a child friendly wedding because some of my best childhood memories were from attending weddings - lots of families in the end opted to not bring their kids or they had their mother/MIL come with them to do babysitting on the wedding night (destination wedding and there were other wedding events that the mums were included in). I think you’re always better to give people the choice!

CMOTDibbler · 24/01/2022 11:15

If it was getting home distance, ,we'd have left at 9 or 10, depending on distance to get home for the babysitter. If not, only one of us would have been there as we never had over night babysitting. So not a lot of difference for us tbh