Do people leave child free weddings early?

[Soontobeoutnumbered3]

If you’ve had, or been to, a wedding that was child free did you find that some guests left earlier because they had to go home to let the babysitter get off? Or did it mean that guests could stay until the end as they didn’t have tired children with them?

YABU - child free weddings allow guests to stay later than they might have if children had been with them.

YANBU - guests tend to leave child free weddings early to get back to the babysitter

We don't have family nearby, so when we've been invited to child free weddings, (unless the wedding is very local to us) it normally means that only one of us attends. Eg, I went to a wedding that involved an overnight stay recently. So dh stayed at home with dc, and I stayed late, and went back to my hotel alone. I don't mind this, but I must admit that I do slightly mind the surprised questions from others "where is your dh???" "How come he couldn't come??" Etc.
(Wedding was 500 miles from our home, and no-one we can ask to look after small dc for the length of time required).
If the wedding is nearby, we would of course pay for a babysitter but leave early.

Child free weddings are entirely the choice of the couple getting married, but it will mean that some guests can't attend and I think that the couple should be aware of this.

It is not "doing parents a favour", and often makes attending the wedding more complicated and expensive for some guests. So I do find it a bit annoying when invites are worded as though the couple are doing the guests a favour by banning kids, but at the same time understand why the couple may want a child free wedding (saves the couple money, and allows for a wilder party, fewer objections to guests snorting coke etc).

And by the way I LOVE weddings without our kids. A day of getting dressed up, spending time child free being able to eat in peace and relax and just have fun. Usually a night away.

I wouldn't go to a childfree wedding unless it was someone very, very close to me and then yes I would have to leave early as my DC won't stay overnight anywhere and I couldn't expect anyone to sit about at my house until late.

If my DC were with me I would let them stay up late and be able to stay later (although mine are 5 and 8 - if they were younger I wouldn't have been able to stay too late).

I love a child free wedding. We are lucky though as we had willing grandparents when our children were younger. Children change the dynamics at a wedding completely, I felt that when I took my children to weddings they had to be my main focus, whereas childfree I could enjoy myself more.

I lost the pont a bit there, but yes people at a child free wedding would stay longer and spend more at the bar.

No, because most see it as a chance to have a night off and enjoyed it

This concept of people being annoyed about childfree weddings seems to be a MN phenomenon tbh

I love “kid free” weddings.

@ANameChangeAgain

I lost the pont a bit there, but yes people at a child free wedding would stay longer and spend more at the bar.

Surely you mean sone people? Those who have to get back to let the baby sitter go home will not, many people don’t have overnight care for their kids.

I would stay in a hotel
And make the most of the babysitter! Fuck getting home early, that would be such a buzz kill.

We had an (almost) childfree wedding (only our nephew) but not because we asked for it, but because people wanted to leave their kids at home. No one left early!

If we attended a wedding with kids that included an overnight stay, we would all stay for most of the evening, and at least one of us would stay up until the early hours. Our dc have always been quite adaptable though, and we don't mind them having the occasional late night! When they show signs of tiredness, (or if it is judged that the atmosphere is turning more grown up) one parent takes them to bed, and the other stays to party!

Our friends had a child free wedding some years ago. We were invited to the day and luckily my DM was on hand to have them.

What a lot of people don't consider is even if GP are on hand to help out - asking them to look after a 2 year old and a 1 year old is exceptionally hard work for someone who is nearly 70 and that means we're not going to be able to stay til midnight. We appreciate the help but recognise that it's very unfair to ask someone to stay with 2 very young children from 10am til midnight. We left at 8pm and went home.

It might be slightly different now the kids are older but when they were tiny quite frankly it was hard work not having them there. It definitely wasn't a favour for a childfree day as I spent the time thinking if they, or my DM were ok

In my experience, people with kids leave early. Noone brought theirs to mine, but at friends weddings the numbers have thinned considerably in the evening due to parents with kids leaving, often the woman going home while the man remains at the party I've also seen a fair few weddings where people brought their kids and didn't stay after the ceremony at all.

Depends on location of wedding, age of children etc.

What I don't understand is for those with kids who prefer child free weddings, why not leave your kids at home anyway?

If you would enjoy the evening more without kids (and you have the option of a babysitter), just let the hosts know that the kids wont be coming, organise a baby sitter and attend without them!

Why does the wedding have to be completely child free for you to leave the kids with the grandparents or whatever?

I have never seen an invite where bringing kids is compulsory!

We were invited to DH's nephew's wedding which was child-free. DS wasn't actually that young and we were a bit surprised he wasn't invited as part of the family unit - he was some way past the age of running around screaming!

But anyway, it was a summer wedding, so we left at 8pm so we'd be home by 10pm as we weren't happy leaving him on his own later than that. So yes, we left early.

It depends on lots of things. The age of the children and whether they can be sent on a sleepover, proximity of grandparents who may be willing to sleep at the childrens house, whether baby is still being breastfed, how far away the wedding is.

@TinaYouFatLard

I love “kid free” weddings.

Same. Don't mind other kids being there but thankful I get to enjoy the day and get drunk without worrying what DS is up to and having to run round after him. Hes safe and having fun with grandparents.

It’s not my wedding, but one that I was recently involved with. I was speaking to the B&G and they were “disappointed” that the wedding reception was effectively dead by 11pm. They’re a couple in their late 30’s/early 40’s who currently don’t have children and had said that to keep costs down (said to me, not on the invite) they were not inviting children. The majority of their guests have children and at least half of the guests had left before 10:30. The reception included fireworks at midnight at the end of the dancing and then a “supper” or cookies, sausage rolls etc. which mostly went untouched. (The wedding was on a Saturday and close to where the majority of their friends and family live)

@Skeumorph sums it up well in my opinion

Where I'm from child free weddings are very common. The only children there tend to be there are nieces/nephews. I honestly don't know a single person who has ever batted an eyelid at this. Mumsnet is the first place where I've seen such negativity regarding weddings. It's so intense.

Literally anyone I know with kids, wouldn't dream of bringing them to a wedding if they didn't have to (eg, part of the bridal party hence why nephews/nieces only as they usually have no choice!)

The other question to consider is: does it matter if everyone is there till the bitter end or not? By the time you've got to the evening disco bit, most people will be a few (or more) drinks in, and you can have a laugh and a dance with the people who are able to stay, even if not absolutely everyone makes it right through. Some people are always likely to leave early, whether for a babysitter, health reasons or just having had enough by 10pm! You can still have fun with the people remaining.

If lots of your friends have kids, then whichever way you do it some of them won't make it or will have to leave early. Accept that with good grace and enjoy the day with everyone who can make it.

Depends on who has the children/how much we like the bride and groom/who else is invited.
I dislike childfree weddings though and have never understood the "doing you a favour" line. If I want a night with dh minus our spawn, I'll arrange it myself in a location of our choosing.

I think there are too many variables to generalise. We lived in another country to our families and had no one for years who could babysit, so either DS came to weddings or we didn’t go. But some kinds of weddings worked better than others — one in Italy had a lot of small children, entertainers, and a room with floor cushions and blankets for naps. Toddler DS was dancing with the bride at midnight while other children slept angelically. Another one in Ireland had a very casual pub reception with a lot of music and children were just playing in the garden. Other times have involved a babysitter looking after DS in a hotel room upstairs, and sometimes that has worked well and other times not.

Mumsnet is also the first place where I've found so many people are invited to weddings of people they clearly don't overly like! I find that hard to get my head around, more on the bride and grooms side.. like why are you inviting people you're clearly not friends with!

Although I do find it really sad when I see threads and it's close relatives, such and BIL or SIL, and the person who has been invited is giving off that it's all a big inconvenience. It's rarely their own brother or sister, always the in laws. Just reads a little toxic and bitchy sometimes.