To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@Rrrob

Childfree weddings are fine but I also hate it when it’s passed off as a treat for parents. We have another two wedding this summer where we’ve been told they want parents to ‘enjoy themselves’. I would have a much better time if I wasn’t spending so many weekends away from my children/ pulling childcare favours!

So decline. No one is forcing you to go if that time away from your children is so grudged.

I am in the kids are a pain in the hole at a wedding camp. Especially babies or toddlers. It's just not a place for them and one of the parents is either running out of the church with a screaming child, trying to keep them quiet during speeches, having to go up early and settle them, keep an eye on them at all times. Nope, I can stay at home and do that. Kids don't want to be there either. Weddings are for adults. If you are sending thousands on a wedding and you don't want kids at it, that is your prerogative. Your wedding, your rules and if you don't want a load of screaming kids and stressed parents at it....fair play to you for stipulating what you want for your big day.

On the money poem, yes it is tacky BUT I honestly don't know anyone who would hand a present over for a wedding gift. Who does that? That is a hugely old fashioned concept unless the couple have a gift list you can chose from. At least then you know they are getting what they want. I would imagine a couple would be very disappointed with 32 photo frames, 16 sets of crystal glasses and vases picked out with someone else's taste. The vast majority of couples would prefer the cash.

@girlmom21 bit you have that prerogative some people have large close families
I had kids at mine all close families and just couple close friends we had 75 adults and 28 kids in the end and was maxed out at the venue
Therefore there were friends we couldn't invite all day
No distant relatives were invited
And what if some have 6/7 really close mates as does their dh who all have 3 kids each , plus you have 10 Plus nieces and nephews
Chances are the OP is just a friend or distant relative as well

Why do people get so pissed off when their children aren’t invited to weddings 😵‍💫 is it because for one day the world won’t revolve around their little angels?!

We were supposed to have a child-free wedding in April (purely down to numbers, big family, lots of friends have children) but our now 4 month old little boy had other plans for this 🤣🤣

@Anotherdayanotheropinon

Starting to think it’s a mumsnet thing where parents are outraged at the idea their little darlings are the bride and grooms most favourite and revered guests at the wedding plus the inability to be apart from their children at all and zero desire to inconvenience themselves in any way for their friends to have the wedding they want on their special day.

I’m like @Wexone also Irish and children are just not invited. Everyone manages to attend anyway instead of sulking and refusing to go like posters here. The sky hasn’t fallen in yet from parents going to a child free weddings.

I don't think anyone said that though did they? Posters simply pointed out that it is dishonest of the bride and groom to suggest that they are doing the parents a favour by excluding their children.

Personally, I find it weird when people exclude some family members based on their age. My in laws behaved much worse than children at my wedding, age is just a number ;-)

Personally, I don't expect friends to invite my children, but I do expect family too - since, you know, they are part of the family too. I did not attend my sil's wedding because she wouldn't let me bring my 3 week old breastfed baby, I was happy to not have the hassle of going but I do think a less of her for it.

So decline. No one is forcing you to go if that time away from your children is so grudged.

Part of the issue is that so many people are properly offended if you decline.

And if you decline and they ask why and you say you don’t have childcare then all of a sudden you’re “trying to pressure them into inviting kids”.

I know at least three people, myself including, who’ve been fallen out with over declining invitations for that reason.

@Anotherdayanotheropinon yes exactly and the offended by everything
The money poems are a thing now people need to move with the times and they actually say nothing is actually required
Its much easier to stick some cash in a card than buy a present if you don't know what someone has or wants
Most people live together now its not like years ago where people got married then moved in so needed all the bits
People really need to move with the times and one or two weekends away from your kids won't leave them with abandonment issues
Plus the rsvp says cannot attend so tick that if its a problem

@worriedatthemoment I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers. My moms one of 4, my dads one of 5. They all have at least 2 kids and their kids all have kids. I have nieces and nephews. I also have a step mom who's one of 3 and still have 2 grandparents.

That's just my sides immediate family.

I have a big family.

It makes no sense to pick a venue and make your guest list fit that. You pick a venue that fits your guests...

@venusmay

About 20 years ago child free weddings were unheard of. I find the idea annoying, it's really hard finding childcare for most people. It would really annoy me if the wording of the invitation gave the impression they were doing me a favour by making it adults only.

I got married in 2002 and had a child free wedding...they were about then!

This is a really outing post. I'd be more pissed off that someone I was friendly enough to invite to my wedding had cut and paste my invite and poem on a public forum TBH. Maybe they'll see this and un-invite you and you won't need to worry.

@Anotherdayanotheropinon glad you said that I did have kids at my wedding because I have loads of nieces and nephews and wanted them there, their names were on the invites. But I can't imagine anyone would have brought a child that wasn't expressly invited. One friend did call to say could she bring her 2 yr old cause they couldn't find childcare and I said no bother, but I'd have been adding maybe 30/40 kids if all kids came!

It makes no sense to pick a venue and make your guest list fit that. You pick a venue that fits your guests...

And back in the real world, you look at your potential guests and decide whether inviting hundreds of kids you don’t know to your wedding is something you can afford or want to pay for, or if you want your wedding to have more children there than adults.

First invite is smug and tone deaf. I get why you are irritated.

When you have massive families it’s understandable that kids aren’t invited. MIL and late FIL were one of 15 and 9 siblings respectively. Their wedding was child free and family bashes very often include partner-free invitations for DH’s generation.

Which is fine as they’re all used to it. They also completely accept that at weddings where their partner and kids aren’t invited other people’s are - which is something that gets sniped at on here. Totally understandable to me that nieces, nephews and very close friends kids get invited, but other kids don’t.

"No little scrotes; but give us banknotes"

So simple - just seven words that nobody could possibly be offended by

I can see why people word their invitations in this way - a well-meant if awkward attempt to be tactful - but guests are not stupid and will see through it in a nanosecond. Child-free weddings are fine: provided B&G are aware some parents won't attend and don't throw a Vesuvius-style tantrum when they decline. But if many of these threads on MN are to be believed, a good many of them do, and an irrevocable breach of the friendship/family relationship will result. Asking for money will never be anything other than appalling manners.

I can overlook these breaches of supposed 'etiquette' so long as B&G themselves behave as courteous adults rather than the spoiled brats they usually want to exclude from their wedding. A blunder over doing guests a 'favour' is okay; asking for money, not. The thing to recognise here is that a great many couples seem to hanker after that perfect (identikit) wedding, but are not seasoned event planners. And unless they've forked out a fortune for one of these, or done something entirely different and unconventional (these are usually the best by far), it shows.

@PrivateHall yes posters have said that an invite without their children is a ‘token invite’ and that they wouldn’t go to a wedding their children weren’t invited to. On a similar post yesterday one poster said even if the wedding was next door to her there’s no way she would attend if her daughters weren’t invited. Multiple posters on that thread said that they won’t go to weddings if their children aren’t invited.

Another thread going at the minute where posters are insisting if their children aren’t invited they would leave a wedding at 7 whereas if they were they would all stay until the end and also book into a hotel as they only spend money on ‘the family’

I’ve attended tons of weddings including my own and all friends went to the wedding without their kids.I’ve never heard of anyone declining because their little darlings weren’t invited and I would’ve heard/noticed friends not being there as it’s so bonkers!

@girlmom21 no you pick a venue that suits your budget and also whats in your area , we have nowhere in a 20 mile radius that holds over 100 people
How many people have you got at your wedding

@AdriannaP

Agree with you. For us, we like to spend weekends with our children, have no local childcare and I would pass on the “golden opportunity” to pay £80 for childcare to attend someone’s wedding. I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

Absolutely. I love seeing kids dancing at wedding and skidding across the floor. Gives me so much joy. Everything else is mostly staged, people self consciously dancing. Kids are natural and are ahoy to watch dancing.

Everything else is mostly staged, people self consciously dancing.

Not at the weddings I’ve been to.

YABU. It sounds like the first couple were trying to soften the blow by saying it gave parents a chance to let their hair down. A lot of parents woud be delighted by this, although I appreciate you said you're not.

As for childcare being a pain, what do you do when you need childcare at other times? Grandparents, sibling, trusted friend, babysitter, emergency childminder etc?

So many people judging these couples. They are getting married. It's their wedding. Their day, and presumably count you as friends.

It's not very nice criticising them on social media, quoting their "poems" and wedding choices.

Stop being so horrible. Go to their wedding if you can. Don't go if you can't.

@valerianroot yes very outing and be surprised if no one recognises it even other guests
People just like to get offended i think as if you don't like it just don't attend its really that simple
And everyone has prob pissed off someone when they had their wedding even of they don't know it
Its an expensive day and it should be about a bride and groom and what they want, consider yourself lucky you made the guest list
I have large family we have wedding invites every year , some i go to some not as some are weekdays etc which are not convenient , but I simply reply thankyou for invite but we are unable to attend , then get on with my life

@valerianroot also the type of post dM pick up on so will more outing then

@PurpleDaisies

It makes no sense to pick a venue and make your guest list fit that. You pick a venue that fits your guests...

And back in the real world, you look at your potential guests and decide whether inviting hundreds of kids you don’t know to your wedding is something you can afford or want to pay for, or if you want your wedding to have more children there than adults.

If it's kids you don't know that's fair enough