To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@BlanketyBlanks Gosh your friends sound like a barrel of laughs! Cant even relax and enjoy themselves among friends? What it’s like then? People on the dance floor looking nervous! Glancing from side to side self consciously as they furtively take a few steps and wave their hands in the air. 😂 Do they then panic and run off to hide under the tables as they notice the parents of the bride have spotted them? 😂😂😂 was your own wedding like that too? Literally no one had any fun as they’re too self conscious?

Agreed. We just said that we only had room for immediate family and bridal party children but babes in arms were welcome. We also said we would rather they spent their money on babysitters than gifts. We had also pre-warned people we wouldn’t be able to accommodate children as soon as we messaged to save the date so they had lots of warning (an extra year on top of that as it turned out -thanks covid!) and we were very clear that absolutely no offence would be taken if that meant they couldn’t come. We really did understand that it would be difficult for some people but as we got married in our late 30s we have so many friends with multiple children that we were looking at around 50 extra kids if we invited them all.

The best thing about my wedding was the kids.
Loads of little bridesmaids too, they were so excited about it.

We provided for the kids. Tiny party bags on the table, picnic rugs outside with children's toys on them, some intermittent party games and board games. It was a lovely family day.

One of the most gorgeous photos is of a bridesmaid asleep on a picnic blanket, headdress 'scew whiff', another child gazing on.

They've probably just picked up the wording off a website that does invitations, especially with that poem too. Don't overthink it. It can be really hard to hit the right mark with weddings.

I can’t understand the need for cringe-making poems.

A fairly recent wedding invitation just said something like, ‘We have a very small flat with everything we need, but if anyone would like to make a contribution for our honeymoon, it would be very gratefully received.’

Perfectly sensible and inoffensive, IMO. Dh and I would have given cash anyway.

@MimosaFields

I got married in England but I grew up in Spain. A child free wedding would have been unthinkable. I find it very rude, just like inviting the wife but excluding the husband. You can either afford to invite them all, or you don't invite any

Yes I think the same. It seems very rude.

@Graphista

I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

You know what! I wonder if this is a peculiarly British thing?

It's not how I was raised either. I was raised weddings are a FAMILY occasion and that includes the kids!

I've never been to or even known of anyone in my circle have a child free wedding - and there's been all variety of styles of weddings!

I've worked in the industry too, left that job around 11 years ago and very very few couples were having kid free weddings then and quite frankly they were a certain "type" anyway.

I think parents need to put their foot down on this and refuse to attend!

My dd is now 20 but like hell would I have sacrificed a weekend with her or paid a fortune for childcare to attend someone's sodding wedding!

These brides and grooms need to stop being so bloody precious!

I find it particularly odd when they're having a religious ceremony as most religions regard weddings as family events and most churches/synagogues/mosques etc are very welcoming of children generally and certainly at these rites of passage.

The kids were the best guests at my wedding!

You know what if I were invited to a child free wedding even at the stage I am where I don't have a young daughter I'd still refuse to go on principle. Not even kidding!

I'm finding Britain - actually no I'm gonna say it ENGLAND is getting increasingly anti children on pretty much everything it's ridiculous!

I noticed this to some degree when I returned from living in non uk Europe as an adult, non uk Europe in so many aspects was far more welcoming of children. I have friends and family that have emigrated and those with young dc REALLY notice it when they come back for visits. One friend has started keeping a note of all the companies that are really shitty towards her or dh as parents or to their dc or who don't provide decent basic facilities (eg decent changing rooms in restaurants) and she refuses to give them her business and is quite vocal about it. Good for her!

It's ludicrous! Kids are part of society too it's about time this nonsense stopped!

As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow.

Damn straight!

My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?

When I married my husband's friends and family had 30 children between them. We could afford to pay for 110 at reception.

I hadn't met most of the children. I wouldn't have been able to invite my own close friends if they'd all come.

@Anotherdayanotheropinon my point is that children just are themselves and I think it’s lovely to watch them dancing and having fun. I don’t find it enjoyable watching adults dance. Just meh.

I got married in England but I grew up in Spain. A child free wedding would have been unthinkable. I find it very rude, just like inviting the wife but excluding the husband. You can either afford to invite them all, or you don't invite any

I agree with you. People saying that inviting their friends' kids uses up a space that somebody closer to them could have used, but I'll bet none of them would use the same principle to only invite one of a couple if they don't really know (or like!) their spouse/partner.

Maybe I'm terribly old-fashioned, but I consider weddings to be (in most cases - I realise not in all) setting the scene and making wise provision for children to hopefully come along afterwards as a direct result. To me, a child-free wedding would be like throwing a party to celebrate the opening of your new brewery, but saying strictly soft drinks only.

Still, each to their own - but as PPs have said, if you deliberately put a barrier in the way of people being able to attend (like with destination weddings too), you have no business being offended when that barrier prevents them from attending. You need to accept with good grace that excluding your good friends' unwanted (to you) children may well mean excluding your friends as well.

On the gifts front, I also don't get why it has to be either ending up with two dozen toasters or a twee "Please be a honey and give us your money" poem. I always thought that gift lists bridged the gap perfectly - preferably mentioned if people specifically ask rather than just sent with the invitation.

I understand that, in the days when you were restricted to one bricks-and-mortar shop/chain, you could end up being limited by what they sell rather than what you really want/need; but surely that's not an issue nowadays with online gift/wish lists, is it? There must already be several apps specifically for this purpose, that allow people to buy you anything that's available on the internet, mustn't there?

I wanted to only invite the children I liked to my wedding, but I couldn’t find a way to politely say that some kids were okay and others weren’t. I resent paying and wasting a seat for someone’s 9-y-o I’ve met twice, meaning I don’t have room for my work friends. On the other hand I adore my own nieces and nephews and a select few friends’ children so a blanket no-kids rule was out. I ended up having to invite the bloody extra kids. Some of them were lovely, well-behaved, nicest kids ever - but I don’t particularly know them and having to pay extra for them wasn’t ideal. Said mates all have plenty of family locally who can and do babysit overnight for them very regularly, so they wouldn’t have had to pay for babysitting, either. Mind you, that all paled into insignificance when MIL insisted on inviting her next-door neighbours, whom neither DH nor I had accounted for in our head count, and whom DH knew well but didn’t like! Weddings, eh?

[quote BlanketyBlanks]@Anotherdayanotheropinon my point is that children just are themselves and I think it’s lovely to watch them dancing and having fun. I don’t find it enjoyable watching adults dance. Just meh.[/quote]
Why would you be watching adults dancing and not dancing yourself?

I don’t particularly enjoy watching random children I don’t know dancing.

I honestly couldn’t care. There is still stigma attached to child free weddings so they are simply attempting to put a positive spin on it. Hardly something to get annoyed about.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I got married in England but I grew up in Spain. A child free wedding would have been unthinkable. I find it very rude, just like inviting the wife but excluding the husband. You can either afford to invite them all, or you don't invite any

I agree with you. People saying that inviting their friends' kids uses up a space that somebody closer to them could have used, but I'll bet none of them would use the same principle to only invite one of a couple if they don't really know (or like!) their spouse/partner.

Maybe I'm terribly old-fashioned, but I consider weddings to be (in most cases - I realise not in all) setting the scene and making wise provision for children to hopefully come along afterwards as a direct result. To me, a child-free wedding would be like throwing a party to celebrate the opening of your new brewery, but saying strictly soft drinks only.

Still, each to their own - but as PPs have said, if you deliberately put a barrier in the way of people being able to attend (like with destination weddings too), you have no business being offended when that barrier prevents them from attending. You need to accept with good grace that excluding your good friends' unwanted (to you) children may well mean excluding your friends as well.

On the gifts front, I also don't get why it has to be either ending up with two dozen toasters or a twee "Please be a honey and give us your money" poem. I always thought that gift lists bridged the gap perfectly - preferably mentioned if people specifically ask rather than just sent with the invitation.

I understand that, in the days when you were restricted to one bricks-and-mortar shop/chain, you could end up being limited by what they sell rather than what you really want/need; but surely that's not an issue nowadays with online gift/wish lists, is it? There must already be several apps specifically for this purpose, that allow people to buy you anything that's available on the internet, mustn't there?

People invite one half of couples all the time to weddings

Weird you think that isn't as common as no children

I do also wonder if it might not be something of a vicious circle, whereby children (older ones, not necessarily babies and toddlers) are routinely excluded from weddings, because it's assumed that they won't know how to behave - but they never actually get the opportunity to learn and observe what happens at weddings?!

[quote BlanketyBlanks]@Anotherdayanotheropinon my point is that children just are themselves and I think it’s lovely to watch them dancing and having fun. I don’t find it enjoyable watching adults dance. Just meh.[/quote]
Very, very strange

To just sit on the sidelines staring at random children dancing

@aristotlesdeathray I’ve never had an invite for me only! Who does that? The couple is always invited.

To me, a child-free wedding would be like throwing a party to celebrate the opening of your new brewery, but saying strictly soft drinks only.

I really don’t understand the analogy you’re trying to use here.
A wedding is a party to celebrate people getting married. Children have nothing to do with that.

[quote BlanketyBlanks]@aristotlesdeathray I’ve never had an invite for me only! Who does that? The couple is always invited.[/quote]
Many people do that

Especially for unmarried partners

Always makes me laugh, this couple will insist on a child free wedding and then once they have a baby they can't possibly leave the baby as they are far far too precious 🤣. People without children have no idea the inconvenience it creates and often don't get the whole "I can't leave a breastfed baby that won't take a bottle", not to mention why the hell would I want to leave my small baby for an entire weekend! We invited everyone's children to our wedding, it was a family occasion, people could opt to leave their children at home if they preferred, I left it up to them!

I would have told them both I wasn't going.

Couldn't get worked up over this to be honest. Presuming the bride and groom don't have children, you can't expect them to understand the hassle of finding a babysitter, I wouldn't have done before I had kids. And some people may have willing grandparents 5 mins down the road so it might not be that difficult for everyone. I'd quite appreciate going to a wedding child free, being able to enjoy a meal and evening out in peace. You either make it work or decline,nothing to get irritated over.
And asking for cash is also fine , most people are already living together when they get married, they don't need a whole load of extra stuff.

People invite one half of couples all the time to weddings

Weird you think that isn't as common as no children

I must be really behind the times then - haven't been to a wedding in years. It always used to be 'the accepted thing' to invite both of a couple or neither.

@PurpleDaisies

Everything else is mostly staged, people self consciously dancing.

Not at the weddings I’ve been to.

Me neither! I don’t get this perception that child-free wedding would be so stuffy and staid…surely the reverse would be true, with adults better able to let their hair down, not worry about what they’re having to drink, can behave as unencumbered adults not as responsible parents. Children are not a requirement to have fun and joy at a wedding

@Flickflak

So much angst about weddings on MN and almost nothing on bucks and hens. Now that’s where the real dirt is!

A lot of strange people on here also hate Hen weekends or do's

It's very bizarre