To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@MimosaFields

I got married in England but I grew up in Spain. A child free wedding would have been unthinkable. I find it very rude, just like inviting the wife but excluding the husband. You can either afford to invite them all, or you don't invite any

If I got married now, I would need to invite over fifty children. One friend would literally need a table to themselves for their six kids. I’m glad I married before my friends started reproducing. I really think people live in totally different worlds on here sometimes.

@3scape

An adults only invite to a family occasions is a token invite, they want to invite but to not have you there. Everyone has to cut their cloth. Why go if it's going to be stressful for you? Just decline.

She's not massively bothered about the invite. It's the wording that's annoying.

Yanbu in my experience the same couples who don't accommodate children at wedding then have some kids and can't meet you at the end of their street because of logistics/nap times etc (when you have travelled from another country to visit them ..with your kids in tow) if it suits you and you will enjoy then go but don't feel you have to in any way.....

I suspect these child free weddings are becoming not just more and more common but maybe the norm.
I also suspect that more and more people will say ‘stuff it. I’m not running around finding/paying for childcare again for a wedding’. Some people might find themselves with a reduced number if guests if they are one of the last one wo children to get married.

But then I am also one of those who wonders why so many people seem to be ever so keen to to invite anyone and everyone to their wedding. As a guest, it’s a pain to spend a day with people you’ve never met, hanging around hours whilst they take photographs and whatnot etc….
Can you tell I’m not keen in weddings?

Do they have children themselves? I only ask as when I got married it was a family only children event. Many of my friends had children already. Now I have children myself I understand it more! And a bit ashamed I excluded children to be honest! Xx

[quote JukEki]@BadLad

Our life together has already begun,
We have almost everything under the sun.
If you should wish to buy us a gift,
A little extra money would give us a lift.
But most importantly, we request,
You share our day as our wedding guest.
Now that we’ve saved you any fuss,
We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us![/quote]
Don't go. They've been body snatched by aliens.

Childfree weddings are fine but I also hate it when it’s passed off as a treat for parents. We have another two wedding this summer where we’ve been told they want parents to ‘enjoy themselves’. I would have a much better time if I wasn’t spending so many weekends away from my children/ pulling childcare favours!

The wording wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You're irritated because of your personal situation and directing it back to the bride and groom. So what you are expressing etc etc, who cares, not them, just decline the invites. They are trying to be polite and not offend anyone personally I would have chosen the more direct wording on invite number 2 if I didn't want children at my wedding. I would prefer them there as weddings are for family aren't they and that includes the kids. X

The answer for me is always the same - it’s their party and their choice how to do it. But - it’s entirely up to you whether or not you go. If it’s a bit of a hassle/expense and you’re going to be irritated by it, then just politely decline. “Thanks so much for asking us, but I’m afraid childcare means we can’t join you, but we’re wishing you a marvellous time.” And that’s it, surely? (Yes, the first couple’s wording is hugely naff, but then just factor that in to the irritation factor above!)

It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

The OP is about the wording, not whether people should invite children.

@Yuppie20 maybe say something like, "we're delighted to have you come our wedding, and we absolutely do not expect gifts. Should you wish to we would be very grateful for contributions to our honeymoon" and then provide bank details.
It's still a bit naff, but really not half as bad as a poem.

"uninhibited revelry!”

Yabu to post a poem from someone’s wedding in ite on Mumsnet for everyone to mock. Not really the act of a friend is it?

Yanbu to be annoyed about child free wedding, I’ve always found the idea of separating families on a wedding day to be ironic and distasteful.

Wording of the first is really annoying. I've no objection to child free weddings but when we've attended it has cost a bloody fortune in sitter's fees. Yes my choice to pay but really irritating to be told I'm being given a treat and chance to enjoy myself freely by the bride and groom. Er, no, it's the £100 I've forked out for a Saturday nanny that's done that! I could pay that any old weekend if I wanted to "be free to enjoy myself".

I genuinely cannot see anything wrong with a request for a monetary gift or directions to a gift list. Bringing a wedding gift is a cultural norm. Buying things people don’t want is bad for the giver, the recipient and the planet and if you are at a stage in your life when you cannot find enough things with a broad price range to for a list then stating a preference for money is fine to me. Most say (as with the poem quoted upthread) that it’s not obligatory to give anything so I really can’t see offence at the request. The poems tend to be twee and have no meter but that’s a personal preference from me.

YABU with the child free invite too. They’ve friend to phrase it in a fun way. Obviously hasn’t hit the mark for you, but taking offence where none was intended seems a massive waste of your time and energy.

There may be children at the first wedding - just not the OP's.

Notice the invite says they cannot "accommodate everyone’s children".

Doesn't say they can't accommodate any children.

For my wedding we allowed parents to bring their kids. Every. Single. One. declined to do so and messaged saying 'I'll leave them at home so I can party!' 'Yay a night off! etc etc. 9 or 10 sets of parents in total all with the same response. Seems like a lot of people DO like the idea of a wedding as an excuse to get away.

I had a child free wedding- there was only space for 50 guests- there were no young children in the family at the time, but I managed to book my wedding on my friends daughter’s birthday - I only found out on the day and was mortified- my friend laughed and pointed out she would be having a great time with grandparents

Oh and re gifts- we genuinely did not want any and said so. People bought gifts- and some gave money/vouchers - we were amazed

I think you are being a bit precious if I am honest.

If I go to a wedding / party without my DC I always let my hair down and drink more freely, dance more. I am not having to worry about if DS1 is trying to play army soldiers on the prisitine lawn outside or DS2 is virtually knocking over the chocolate fountain.

The wording is trying to appease you (they can't afford everyone so your DC didn't make the cut) and hoping you will take it as an opportunity to have a 'night off' from the constant watching / parenting of your DC

That poem is fucking horrendous though

I'd find it difficult getting worked-up over the wording on a wedding invite but if it bothers you that much then don't go. Personnally I find other peoples kids a royal pain in the arse so I'm happy with adult only.

In fact there's a hatful of things I'd exclude kids from : art galleries, sporting events, any film not made by Disney, Airline Business Class , pubs and restaurants after 7 pm, funerals ; and yes, bloody weddings.

I’ve had similarly worded invites, all involving overnight stays, actually no you’re not doing me a favour, there’s no one to look after my child overnight so I would have to come on my own, I would rather spend my precious weekends with my family thanks and simply decline the invite.

I think the wording on both is OK. It's not an easy request but you are free to decline.

I don't think weddings are great for kids. It's a very adult affair.

I do think there is an element of cluelessness in asking for child free weddings (having no dc themselves and not understanding). But the financial side makes sense.

We are often expected to invite all sorts of people to weddings. Not all are the closest friends. When you are already inviting people out of social obligation it's not tempting to also pay for their dc. So it seems best to have a blanket rule.

I invited only my close friends so of course their dc came, but if you have a bigger wedding the cost of all the extra little guests is extortionate.

I do think new parents need to either decline or step up to celebrate their friends' day and pay for childcare now and then.

I've personally never resented a child free wedding (apart from an overseas one which i enjoyed but was a very expensive and inconvenient Ballache!)

I'd say there's something very wrong, if you feel like you can't have a good night out without your small children. Of course it's less stressful. You can let your hair down, without worrying about the children, or chasing them around the dance floor. If you have small children, you'd have to leave early as they get cranky. And who wants babies at a wedding? Crying at crucial moments (and some parents don't know when to remove themselves if baby is screaming).

It's literally one day. Get dressed up. Have a great time without any pressure. Have fun with your DH.