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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by this wedding invite?

844 replies

JukEki · 24/01/2022 04:10

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

OP posts:
DaisyMum40 · 25/01/2022 20:41

[quote WTAFhappened123]@worriedatthemoment then just invite to the evening rather than the whole day. Not everyone has babysitters on tap[/quote]
Perhaps the OP could just reply to their friend and explain that they'd love to see them on their big day and that due to childcare they can only attend in the evening. Not hard is it? I'm sure the couple won't be offended.

cjpark · 25/01/2022 20:43

I dont blame you for being irritated either OP! Bride and Groom are dressing up the fact that they either cant afford it or don't want noise / attention from other as they are doing you a favour. Just say 'adult only'. I dont go to child-free weddings either - they are generally really dull, expensive, a hassle and 50% end in divorce! I'd send a gift and card and wish them well.

Migrainesbythedozen · 25/01/2022 20:48

@ozymandiusking

Will someone explain why, here in Britain couples are so against children at weddings. They are part of the family. In Spain it would be unimaginable.
@ozymandiusking It's been explained over and over and over in the thread, and it's world-wide, not just Britain. Weddings are adults only affairs. It's about entering a sexual relationship and involves riske' speeches. It's not for children. Plus children screaming during the ceremony, running around, bumping into people with trays of food etc etc. Would you take your children to a meeting with a bank manager or marriage therapy? After all, they are about family, too. Some things are not appropriate for children, weddings are one of them. And considering Spain has the running of the bulls, sorry but I'll pass on judgement from there.
bjonesreborn · 25/01/2022 20:48

And for those of you saying child free weddings are full/stuffy etc. mine was absolutely far from it. Everyone had an amazing time.

sadnessoverwhelming · 25/01/2022 20:48

I don't understand why the children are even mentioned. In Ireland wedding invitations are always assumed to be for the adults only. Usually if there are any children they are immediate family of the bride and groom.
We had 10 children at ours.
We specifically invited them (nieces, nephews and a cousins child) and had we not there would have been no mention of it from anyone. No one else asked to bring their children because it's just not a thing here.
Although if someone had asked to bring a very small baby I'd have said yes of course.

HardbackWriter · 25/01/2022 20:49

And considering Spain has the running of the bulls, sorry but I'll pass on judgement from there.

Confused
Wrenna · 25/01/2022 20:50

Yanbu. If the one couple has kids, they will find out!!

Migrainesbythedozen · 25/01/2022 20:50

@underneaththeash

I disagree - kids hate weddings they get bored and whingey. We’ve tried it twice…it really isn’t fun. They don’t enjoy the speeches, the photos and then get tired. Babies cry. Toddlers complain. We’ve tried it recently with older kids and DD liked getting dressed up and dancing for a bit, but then was bored. I really do not understand why people think weddings with kids are better or easier.

I would much rather have a nice night and pay for a sitter.

Exactly. I think people who think weddings are for children have never had children themselves and don't understand children. No child enjoys weddings, they are torture for a child.
worriedatthemoment · 25/01/2022 20:53

@WTAFhappened123 but how would the bridge and groom know someones child care examples and actually OP doesn't state its an all day invite anyway
Even if you get invited all day you can ring and say we can only make evenings due to childcare, thats acceptable

worriedatthemoment · 25/01/2022 20:55

@cjpark that applied to many weddings not just child free one
There just trying to be nice about it and your making it sound like its so bad they can't afford to invite all the kids they know .
Like you said OP can decline

Saintandsophia · 25/01/2022 20:58

I hold a grudge about this from a long time ago. We invited all four of Dh cousins to his wedding, they all came. When they got married our dc were excluded, there is just us, both only dc. We couldn’t go, no babysitters or family.

worriedatthemoment · 25/01/2022 20:59

@Migrainesbythedozen no many of them have children but seem to think others should see their children as they do , when nobody does and then you have those who think there children are angels but others think very differently
Many kids do get bored at weddings especially ceremony and speeches and if you have a lot you need to plan
We had a lot so had a magician , bouncy castle , toys etc but thats not for everyone and our meal and speeches were quite informal but that was our choice and i happily go to child free weddings if thats the couples choice if i can

anonsattic · 25/01/2022 20:59

Honestly. Why are people so critical of their friends/families' choices regarding their weddings.
These folk are your friends, your family.
If you can't go because you can't get childcare, just say no. Don't slag them off behind their back.

Over 600 posts in this thread, mostly of people getting irate.

Bonnealle · 25/01/2022 21:00

For goodness sake, it’s their wedding, they are paying for it so they can do what they like! If I was afraid of heights and they had their wedding on top of the shard, I’d just politely decline. Same if I had a dog that wasn’t invited and couldn’t leave them, baby I couldn’t leave, etc. it’s their day, their money, let them have what they want. It’s not a personal slight, they can’t be expected to cater for every guest’s marital, child, pet status. I’ve had to decline a wedding as children weren’t invited (Irish wedding so huge and only children of the couples family were invited). I would have loved to go, but I wasn’t annoyed with them, and they weren’t annoyed with me for not being able to attend!

Saintandsophia · 25/01/2022 21:02

And asking for money is tacky, but then so is including a wedding list with the invitation. I have been to a couple recently who asked for charity donations which was nice.

LadyPropane · 25/01/2022 21:02

Couldn't agree more. Annoys the fuck out of me.

It's extremely inconvenient, uncomfortable, and expensive for me to have to go to a wedding without my very young children. 100% the bride and groom's choice, of course, and I respect their decision, but the pretence of it being a favour to the guests who have children is so irritating. Just say "this is a child free event", job done. Everyone knows the score. No need to act like you're doing it for the benefit of your parent guests because you absolutely are not. It's ridiculous.

Saintandsophia · 25/01/2022 21:03

We put guests first at our wedding, is that not what you do?

worriedatthemoment · 25/01/2022 21:04

@Saintandsophia but your kids are only there second cousins
They invited you ans sh therefore invited their cousins or did you have the cousins children aa well ?
I had my sil ( nephews and her sc to our wedding and when she got married 6 months later my kids her nephews were not invited now that did piss us off , especially as she made out no kids were invited other than her own but in the day there were some there
She regrets it now as says it was her ex dh who insisted and think she felt silly on day as so many family members asked as why we left our dc home , to which I answered because they were not invited

DaisyMum40 · 25/01/2022 21:06

@Saintandsophia

I hold a grudge about this from a long time ago. We invited all four of Dh cousins to his wedding, they all came. When they got married our dc were excluded, there is just us, both only dc. We couldn’t go, no babysitters or family.
Why should everyone do what you did at your wedding? It's THEIR wedding! Have you expected everyone who was at your wedding to do exactly the same in return? Mental!
worriedatthemoment · 25/01/2022 21:07

@Saintandsophia you can't put every guest first i mean did you marry halfway between your guests so none had to travel? If you don't have space or money to invite kids then you just can't , most people have a budget or limit at venue

Mirw · 25/01/2022 21:10

Just tell them you are not going... Too much worry, too much hassle. I don't have khds but don't see why a couple would want to exclude the children of close friends. They could book a couple of rooms and a couple of nursery nurses and cater for the kids.

GertrudeKerfuffle · 25/01/2022 21:12

YANBU!

I don't get the child-free wedding thing either. Weddings are family occasions and kids are a big part of families. I've only been to one child free wedding, where funnily enough they tried to sell it the same way - 'have a fun night off without the kids!' - they went so far as to exclude the groom's SIL who had a tiny breast-fed baby at the timeHmm Now, years later, that same bride's sister is engaged and making comments like 'I hope you're not going to have a child-free wedding' now that she's got two kids of her ownHmmHmm

skippink · 25/01/2022 21:13

I’m not sure why it’s now more common for people to not invite children to weddings. I’ve been invited to a family members wedding but no kids are invited and so I refused the invite

DaisyMum40 · 25/01/2022 21:14

@Mirw

Just tell them you are not going... Too much worry, too much hassle. I don't have khds but don't see why a couple would want to exclude the children of close friends. They could book a couple of rooms and a couple of nursery nurses and cater for the kids.
Yeah I'm sure they'll have a spare few hundred pounds in the bank they're not needing for anything else anyway.
Migrainesbythedozen · 25/01/2022 21:15

@Mirw

Just tell them you are not going... Too much worry, too much hassle. I don't have khds but don't see why a couple would want to exclude the children of close friends. They could book a couple of rooms and a couple of nursery nurses and cater for the kids.
@Mirw They could book a couple of rooms and a couple of nursery nurses and cater for the kids.

Are you serious? Book a couple of nursery nurses? You really think it's that easy? Of all the absurd posts on here.... Confused It's a wedding. Not a playground.

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