To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

We managed to no doubt piss lots of people off by assessing circumstances- we had a really distinct split of long distance and extremely local people. Long distance people had kids invited, locals people not in the immediate wedding party didn’t. Everyone was welcome to decline. Lots of long distance people chose not to bring their kids. Everyone who was invited came.

I think children are hilarious at weddings, especially if I'm not the one having to look after them.

YANBU, OP, to feel a bit irritated. I much prefer the wording on the second one.

Child-free weddings are usually at the request of the pompous who then in turn have children who are utter assholes

@ozymandiusking

Will someone explain why, here in Britain couples are so against children at weddings. They are part of the family. In Spain it would be unimaginable.

I’d be interested to know if child-free weddings are a thing outside of the UK and USA. I have been to a few weddings in France and would never exclude kids. The last one I went to even had a room with travel cots and blow up beds so the adults could party all night while the kids slept. I could never imagine that happening in the UK! Taking kids to Spain is great too. People are so much more relaxed about kids being in restaurants and staying up late.

I’m not against childfree weddings, I just think it reflects the general culture of the UK.

I generally hate child free weddings… they are just so boring. The reality is it doesn’t actually cost that much more to invite children. I put the children of my closest friends above some other friends in terms of who to invite. We had an absolute blast and the children keep the dance floor going while the adults are flagging.

I married 17 years ago and never had any children. I have three DC's now.
It didn't cross my mind not to have children at my wedding. Some of our friends had family had children of all ages and they came along. It was lovely. I made up a big bag of crafts, books, colouring pens for all the older children. My friends and Aunts said they loved my special day as the children had lots of fun and kept them entertained. Plus they didn't want the same food as us so the venue supplied a children's menu. It wasn't stressful and for me it was memorable.
Since having my DC's we had been to Weddings which were childfree but everyone is different. The only time I couldn't go was when my youngest was newborn so my husband went on his own. The Wedding couple understood.

"Whilst we'd have loved to given some cash,
our presence was all you asked for.
So here we are, enjoying the bar
and your cash gift has been spent on our childcare "

Children are usually annoying at weddings (mine included) but YANBU.

@H007

I generally hate child free weddings… they are just so boring. The reality is it doesn’t actually cost that much more to invite children. I put the children of my closest friends above some other friends in terms of who to invite. We had an absolute blast and the children keep the dance floor going while the adults are flagging.

If the average CPH for adults is £50, then the child is usually around £30. Obviously scale that up and down as you wish, but often it isn't always about the cost of the child, it's the seat they are occupying. Perhaps that seat is better suited towards friends of the bride and groom.

Plus many weddings are starting later nowadays, so 3/4pm ceremonies as the focus is more on the evening when the bride and groom can finally relax and spend time with the guests. Bit rubbish if the first opportunity the B&G have to relax and half the guests have gone home or are crying as they're overtired.

You're right....

theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/

I'm judging the couple much harder now - there are lots of nice, normal ways to say 'it's a child-free wedding' on that list and they read it and picked one of the few shit ones!

🤦🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂
I think the money poem is totally normal these days, it is not like the dear ol days when you were starting your life together, so honeymoon fund is the new normal, and a little poem expressing gratitude is nothing that needs bitching about 😂 surely it's nicer than just the expectation of cash, or receiving a load of unnecessary and unwanted gifts?!

As far as I see it, there are two types of weddings - those without children, and those where children are welcome. They are vastly different affairs and very different experiences are had.

Why should childless people getting married pay a fortune to accommodate yours on their special day?! Paying for uneaten food, providing games, and having guests paying more attention to their offspring than the actual event. I get it. If you can't afford the childcare for the day or whatever, then it is your prerogative to not attend...
A lot of people want to just have a party and get drunk, difficult surrounded by children. It's not the kind of wedding I enjoy as a non drinker, but whatever! It's their special day, stop moaning about YOUR needs!!

I do have children, and can't imagine having a wedding without them, my godchildren and nieces and nephews there. But not everyone has that!

If you dont or can't attend because of your kids, be honest and tell your friends that. No real friend will hold that against you. If you are really good friends and you want to go, then shup and find a way to make it work, ffs! Even if it means attending without your spouse to have one of you home with the kids.

@WTAFhappened123 it has nothing to do with people being pompous mostly its more about space and cost
Why would you want your best mate from unis kids there who you might of seem once or twice and then not be able to invite another friend
I would be more inclined to say those that assume everyone else should prioritise their kids are more the pompous ones as its not about you and your children
Many weddings are not totally child free but often limited to just nieces and nephews etc , friends kids who they may not even know don't get included but invite will say no kids

however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!

followed by

Now that we’ve saved you any fuss

They sound absolute twats OP. They've turned both not inviting your kids and asking you for cash into them being selfless. How kind of them. cringey twats.

I love a child free wedding and giving cash as a gift…!

Yabu. You don’t have to go. I don’t understand the angst over these type of things. It sounds like to me they are letting you know that they may struggle to accommodate children and will also understand if you can’t make it. Also, the poem is saying a gift is not necessary/mandatory but if you’re thinking about a gift, they rather it be money.

I’d go in a heartbeat tbh. Bringing our kids to a wedding would be the opposite of relaxing because on top of getting them all dressed (the youngest who runs off anytime you try to put clothes on him), I would have to worry about what the noise would be like (oldest has asd, sensitive to certain noises) then watching them like a hawk to make sure they wouldn’t be disruptive, making sure I knew where the exits were so I could quickly take them out if necessary and then following behind them to keep them out of trouble. It’s not worth the stress.

You talk about tradition, but weddings that last late into the night are a relatively new convention.

Agree with this. The weddings I went to as a kid were around 11am and we were home around 7pm or 8 at the latest.

@H007 but thats you and thats your choice as it was your wedding
We don't even know if OP is a close friend or relative or just old friend whose kids the b & G don't even know
And what if yours and your dh close friends had 20
Kids between them ans you didn't have space?
I had loads of kids at mine but that Was my choice and worked for us but i can see why others don't
Its the B & G day and their choice of who they invite and you can say no

I would just respect them more if they said "kids are too noisy", "we don't want to pay for your kids" or "we have limited seating". honesty. its the acting like they're doing you a favour that is grim.

@St0rmTr00per well they prob know what the OP thinks now as its plastered all
Over here , they may be grateful of they don't go after reading the comments on here

@St0rmTr00per

I would just respect them more if they said "kids are too noisy", "we don't want to pay for your kids" or "we have limited seating". honesty. its the acting like they're doing you a favour that is grim.

I'd be willing to bet my mortgage that if someone received an invite for a child free wedding because kids are too noisy, there would be a 700 comment thread on MN calling them all the arseholes under the sun.

You can never please everyone when planning a wedding, so don't try to. They've obviously tried to inject a bit of humour to their invites and the OP isn't on the same wavelength. They were obviously considered good enough friends to be invited so I'm sure absolutely no offence would be intended. Just decline the invite and forget about it. I honestly can't believe this is the sort of stuff people get annoyed about. And yes I do have children, and would very much look forward to attending a child free wedding, for many of us it IS a nice day off from parenting, getting to socialise, eat, drink and enjoy company of friends we don't get to see very often. I can spend my other 364 days of the year running about after my kids. If we don't have a babysitter, we wouldn't go, simple really.

I have been to weddings with and without my DC, loved both equally. Couldnt really give a toss if there's kids there or not. But you are not unreasonable! It can cost a fortune, it's not doing me a favour.
The second invite is clear cut and all it needs to be.

@worriedatthemoment we did have more than 20 kids there. We picked a venue especially to cater for all our guests.

However besides my wedding, I’m referring to all the other weddings I’ve been too. The childless ones are boring as hell. To the point depending on who the invite is from and how they know us I wouldn’t attend another wedding if it was a childless one.

The whole point of this thread is to give opinions and I fully support the OP being annoyed, plus I’d be worrying you’d go through all that hassle and the wedding would be boring.

🤮

Sorry- the spew emoji was meant as a response to the money poem!

I got married quite recently. It was a child free wedding reception apart from my 9 nieces/nephews and 1 goddaughter.
Why child free? A) bums on seats to pay for,
B) we can’t have children which is still a sadness for me so didn’t particularly want lots of people doing happy families on my wedding day (some might say selfish, perhaps, but for very good reasons)
C) weddings, especially winter ones, aren’t terribly exciting for children, and they wouldn’t have been able to go and run around outside.
However I work in childcare and had over 20
Children at the church who have been a big part of my life. They absolutely loved it and the parents got the best of both worlds, children at the church and then they got to relax in the evening.
And we had that, as many of you say, naff poem. For us, after 8 years of living together it was perfect. Some gave money which is going towards much needed house things, but some gave beautiful gifts.
What I learnt from getting married is it’s each to their own. Bride and groom should do whatever they want. Other people always have opinions on how things should be done/what order the day should take/who should come/who sits wear.
But it’s nobody’s day apart from the couple getting married.
We had the best day, perfect from start to finish.

Aww I loved the kids at my wedding, then again, I have five of my own, so I set up a sweetie table, made sure we had the use of the field for games, and ended up playing footy with my boys when I should have been having my father-daughter dance!
I won't go to a childfree wedding lol, too much hassle, and I find them too stuffy! One day maybe I'll grow up! lol

@worriedatthemoment then just invite to the evening rather than the whole day. Not everyone has babysitters on tap