To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

Can’t imagine being offended or upset over any of the wording…there’s nothing malicious in it.

I don't mind the message and if I'm honest I agree with the first, I never enjoyed weddings when my children were little and it was hard work. I would much prefer to be childfree - that doesn't apply when I was breastfeeding or to long distance weddings, luckily the children were invited to those weddings.

In wonder if anyone has ever given a card at a wedding with no cash but a funny poem.

"Whilst we'd have loved to given some cash,
our presence was all you asked for.
So here we are, enjoying the bar
and your cash gift has been spent on our childcare "

Just a first attempt

I’m just of opinion that this rather stupid trend for child free weddings started when some bridezilla got her way and the parents coming to the wedding didn’t tell her off off being so stupid and refuse to go. Yes, I can understand night time partying but traditionally parents with small kids would make their way home after the meal and some chat before music started.

A wedding is a family event- that’s the whole bloody point . The ceremony and meal. It’s important kids see this . Kids go to and if they make a noise fair do…guess what a wedding doesn’t have to be solemn and perfect…people are supposed to be joyful even during the ceremony, we’ve been accommodating babies and kids for literally hundreds of years..why can’t todays couple handle it..? Or does it spoil the bloody video they are insisting on ?
I hope when these couples have kids very single wedding or party they get invited to says no kids and they run up huge bills and get stressed about how the hell will they manage to find childcare overnight
A nasty, selfish trend that lacks any imagination or empathy for families with children…I thought that was a fundamental part of marriage- committing to each other and paving the way for children ….or did I misunderstand the fairly explicit words in the marriage ceremony?

Traditionally weddings were the community witnessing the promises made by a couple. I think sometimes we forget that the community includes the young folk, when we are planning a weddings. When I get invites that exclude my children, I usually politely decline the invitation. To be frank I would rather spend the time with my kids. God knows there is little enough quality time for them in the hectic world in which we live.

@JukEki

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

Ugh, you are just a spiteful one aren't you.

Ether go or don't.

I suspect you just wanted others to join you in your petty 'revelry'.

PS. Your kids are nobody elses problem.

So I’m one of those people that actually enjoy spending time with their children. Mine are never away from my side. They’ve only been overnight about 5 times. But that’s due to in laws and parents not able to help right now. Which is fine.

I wouldn’t go to the first. The second I love. It’s like yes. We love your kids. But not for our wedding. I also like my drs with no bedside manner. So probably why!

I get it.

I would enquire about the on site crèche if they're taking all the childcare worries away! 😀

I don’t think the bride and groom from the first invitation have intended their invites to come across as being anything but nice… it may not seem that way however they may not have children (?) and may not understand the feelings and costs/hassle associated with leaving the children for the night.. as much as it may sound slightly insensitive I don’t think in all honesty it was intended… maybe more tongue in cheek..

I'd me more irritated with kids at my wedding. It's a really boring day out for kids.

@DockOTheBay

"uninhibited revelry" I reckon they've got that off a website suggesting ways to phrase an adults only wedding. Nobody talks like that.

You're right....

theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/

Makes me laugh picturing me in the ladies room hand -expressing my Dolly Parton boobs in the sink when an old friend got married out of town and my triplets were only 3 months old, that was not an easy task🤣
I wouldn’t have missed the event as she was an old friend, I dread to see her photos as my dress was not holding in nature’s milk very well #embarrassing
I feel sorry for the brides having to try to find a nice way to say there isn’t room for everyone and I want a ‘big girl’ party, it’s the one day they should get whatever they want ;-b

However I’ve got a bit of a thing against child free weddings

My husband was best man at a child free wedding. Where at the last minute we got let down for childcare so I couldn’t go. I was fully expecting because my husband had such a big part in it. And because some children were going to the wedding they might say. Oh it’s ok. They didn’t. I was left home for 5 days. I was furious

Weirdly we didn’t tell them they couldn’t bring their 4 children to our wedding. Where they were the only children. But then I’m not mean like that!

You can just decline to go… it’s their day. I don’t think they’re being unreasonable.

I’m having children at my wedding but most of the guests are finding childcare anyway, each to their own. You don’t sound like you particularly like them anyway 😂

My brother had a child free wedding-not even his neices & nephews were invited. His new mother-in-law was allowed to bring her pet duck though who strutted up & down the table leaving little splats.

YNBU. There’s no harm in being honest about how irritating you find the text. You’re entitled to a whinge. But it’s good that you’re not letting that prevent you from going to, what’s probably going to be a great day (although I appreciate you won’t be able to let loose as much as you’d like).

I don't think it's badly worded, maybe a little flowered up but I imagine they're worried about offending people - some parents think their DC are perfect little angels and would be annoyed by a childfree wedding so it's a bit of a balancing act between making the couple's point heard and not offending people.
I want a childfree wedding and want everyone to really let their hair down (if they want to ofc) and may have considered saying something similar in the hopes of keeping it light but I'll think of a more direct way to word it now haha. Personally, every wedding I've been to where there's been kids has been horrific and it's put me firmly in the childfree wedding club!

I always hate it when people try to phrase it as if it's in your interests when it's obviously for them.

There must be a word for that.

"We think it would be better for you to......" etc

Just own it!

Venues have capacities, they have fire safety rules on how many people they can have in. I would love to have kids at mine but I'm prioritising my friends!

Don’t go then. Why would someone else’s wishes for their big day be annoying.

Personally I think children make a wedding! They are usually the first on the dance floor and usually get the adults joining them! Although I get it’s each to their own!

@CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory

Are you sure the first one is child free? Our wedding invite said something similar to the first except children were allowed - we just said we'd prefer people not to bring them if that's an option. Otherwise there would have been around 50 children at the wedding. Fortunately most people left them at home and for those who brought them we provided a games room for during the ceremony and there was lots of outdoor space.

But then our wedding broke most of the golden Mumsnet wedding rules.

Yes we pretty much have did the same. Didn't do a naff poem just addressed the invites to the named couple and sent a follow up text to ask if they could not bring their kids (would have meant an additional 30 guests which we didn't have room for ) but also added that if it wasn't possible, it wasn't a problem and they were more than welcome. Most people were happy to leave their kids and we only had about 10 kids and provided them with activities and games.

No problem with childfree weddings. Actually have more of an issue with those who call "invitations" an "invite" instead

@Warblerinwinter

I’m just of opinion that this rather stupid trend for child free weddings started when some bridezilla got her way and the parents coming to the wedding didn’t tell her off off being so stupid and refuse to go. Yes, I can understand night time partying but traditionally parents with small kids would make their way home after the meal and some chat before music started. A wedding is a family event- that’s the whole bloody point . The ceremony and meal. It’s important kids see this . Kids go to and if they make a noise fair do…guess what a wedding doesn’t have to be solemn and perfect…people are supposed to be joyful even during the ceremony, we’ve been accommodating babies and kids for literally hundreds of years..why can’t todays couple handle it..? Or does it spoil the bloody video they are insisting on ? I hope when these couples have kids very single wedding or party they get invited to says no kids and they run up huge bills and get stressed about how the hell will they manage to find childcare overnight A nasty, selfish trend that lacks any imagination or empathy for families with children…I thought that was a fundamental part of marriage- committing to each other and paving the way for children ….or did I misunderstand the fairly explicit words in the marriage ceremony?

You talk about tradition, but weddings that last late into the night are a relatively new convention.

My own wedding 22 years ago was a lunch and afternoon-only affair, and when I was a small child I remember going to many weddings (most?) where you didn't even get a meal, just plates of sandwiches handed around, followed by wedding cake.

My parents' wedding was certainly like that.

So lay off the vitriol, will you?

It's easy to see why some people wanting an evening wedding party might not want to include your kids, however dear they are to you.

Ahhhh…they just don't get it. Every childless person thinks people with children are dying for a night off and don’t have the slightest clue how much more hassle it is. Give ‘em a few years, they’ll find out soon enough