To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

[quote worriedatthemoment]@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I think they can be as in if you have to travel as we do for many family ones
But my family don't expect a present at all if you have had to travel and stay
Some we go to some we don't if we can't afford to stay etc and long drive away
Also most are buy your own drinks etc so cost can add up
But when all said and done its a choice , you don't have to go
I went to a cousins wedding and room cost £125 a night ,,cheapest around and too far to drive for a day, plus drinks and kids news clothes but when all said and done we didn't have to go , but wanted too so the money we spent was worth it and we had a lovely day/ night
They also had a poem money poem thing and didn't bother me as I planned to gift money anyway as it is easier and better than a list that may only have expensive gifts on
All the poems are worded anyway as no gift required but if you would like to
In some cultures they pin money on bride and groom , imagine if some on here got invited to a wedding like that [/quote]
You're bang on the money there (no pun intended).

It's always an option. If you can't afford to go, don't go. If you see it as a waste of money, don't go.

If I ever get married again I'm going to demand that people have a wad of cash on them and they must make it rain money while we have our heavily choreographed, flash mob style, first dance. And we will only speak in poems all day. Live streamed to insta.

I'm with you OP. I've a family wedding coming up. They wanted one of our DC but not the other. All our babysitters will be at the wedding. What do they think I'm going to do with the breastfeeding baby for 24 hours whilst I stay away over night for their wedding?
When I raised it I was told they wanted to give me a bit of time off? But not only would I be stressing about the baby that was elsewhere I'd still have the other DC with me because they are invited. That's not a rest.

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

Fair enough if someone want an adult only wedding but I too hate that faux favour of how great it’ll be for you to be child free.

Well is not great to be child-free for parents sometimes? Especially at a lovely venue, surrounded by friends/family, lovely food and drink, entertainment, music, dancing etc?

Do them a favour and;

Don't go
Don't give them money
Don't be friends with them

Weddings cost thousands. It was £150 per head at our wedding. They obviously see you as good friends to want you there at their expense. Wonder how they'd feel if they knew you took to MN to blast them.....

You clearly have absolutely no regard or loyalty to these people who think you're their friends - so like I say, do them a favour and decline the invite. Let them save the money and not have your two-faced picture in their wedding album!

I went to a cousins wedding and room cost £125 a night

We provided guests with a field to camp in… for nothing.

Well is not great to be child-free for parents sometimes? Especially at a lovely venue, surrounded by friends/family, lovely food and drink, entertainment, music, dancing etc?

It is. But since I think so I choose not to bring the children anyway. Taking away the choice isn't doing me any sort of favour at all, and it's irritating to make it sound like it is. It's like if the bride and groom choose a venue that you can get to either by car or train and then tell everyone that they must come by train because it'll be more relaxed and the guests can then have a drink and so this dictate on transport is doing everyone a huge favour. It would irritate everyone, including the people planning to come by train anyway.

It's like if the bride and groom choose a venue that you can get to either by car or train and then tell everyone that they must come by train because it'll be more relaxed and the guests can then have a drink and so this dictate on transport is doing everyone a huge favour. @HardbackWriter

Sorry but how is that comparable at all? People's transportation choice doesn't cost the bride and groom extra, nor does it have the risk of disrupting the ceremony.

If people with kids can't come, they can't come. That's the risk the bride and groom take. I don't see how it is disrespectful in the slightest not to invite children, and the way the people in the OP phrased it is cringy but not disrespectful.

So the heinous crime is saying

A little extra money would give us a lift.

which is just about the most benign non-grabby way of ensuring they don't get 6 toasters.

Now it needs to be an end of financial year-style Excel accounting process to explain down to the last penny how the money will be used.

Jeez, what does it matter if they spend it on a honeymoon, or a towel bale or pay off their electricity bill (given the impending doom, probably the latter!). It really doesn't matter. People sure get hung up on the pettiest of things!

I really don't understand the issue people on here have with weddings! I'm thrilled with a wedding invitation and I can't imagine getting annoyed by the specifics of it. Or the wording on an invitation. If I can't attend, or it's not convenient I'd just say no. It's not a summons. Just feels quite mean moaning about it. This is someone's special day that they've put a lot of thought into. I'd have been really sad to know that people were upset if irritated by my choices.
Not particularly targeting this response to the OP, more some of the comments I guess

It's comparable because it's limiting guest's choices and telling them that actually the restricted choice is a lovely gift to them from the bride and groom as they'll have more fun the way that they've been instructed to do it.

Again, I have zero problem with the bride and groom not giving people the choice to bring their children - I don't think there's anything wrong with childfree weddings at all, and I can see why brides and grooms want them. It's portraying it as doing your guests with children a big favour that's irritating.

It's just irritating, I don't think it's the crime of the century or anything, but that's all OP said too.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

I'd actually say that the majority of weddings I ran were day events rather than weekends.

If the B&G chose a venue which had onsite accommodation often they give people the option of staying. There isn't an expectation. It isn't a demand. For many people it's easier to know that they don't have to mess around with taxis and they can go to bed when they're tired or even stop off for a nap if they're feeling tired.

I don't agree that weddings are getting more and more expensive to attend. If that's the case, you're putting that cost on yourself.

If someone asks for cash, give them what they can afford. You don't need a new dress or suit. You don't need to stay over at expensive accommodation. You don't need to mess around with taxis if you can drive. You don't have to go to the hen do. You don't have to pay for expensive childcare.

Do what you can do within your budget. If the B&G aren't happy with this then they also aren't really your mates.

The weddings I have attended more recently (where I've lived close to the bride and groom) have been at very lovely but more remote venues where it has been easier to get accomodation as it's a lot further to drive home in the evening. The older weddings tended to be at a church or registry office with the reception at a nearby hotel or church hall, they were more local to where the bride and groom (or bride's family) lived and you didn't need accomodation if you lived locally to them.

Agree that people can only do what they can afford, and the bride and groom have to understand this.

I wish more invitations specified whether kids are or aren't allowed. I received a wedding invitation to my SO's cousin's wedding last week and we had to awkwardly ask whether my stepson is invited (he isn't, which is fair enough!)

It's comparable because it's limiting guest's choices and telling them that actually the restricted choice is a lovely gift to them from the bride and groom as they'll have more fun the way that they've been instructed to do it. @HardbackWriter

OK it's comparable if you have a LOT of imagination. The fact that people take a gimmicky phrase they pulled off a website this personally is honestly a little embarrassing.

Look, I wouldn't give it loads of thought. I assume I generally like these people if I'm invited to their wedding so I'd look at this and the awful poem and think 'christ, wedding planning has really got to them, they're going to think back on this and cringe in a year' but then I'd hope and assume they'd regain their sense of taste and decorum at some stage and give it no further thought. But, yes, I think it's 'mildly irritating', and the OP is reasonable to think so, which is all she asked.

@worriedatthemoment

I completely agree that child care is not the bride and grooms problem. The insult comes from the pithy phrasing, not the child free wedding. It’s pretending that having a child free wedding is a gift to the guests when it is not. If they simply said “adults only” there would be no insult.

(We could get into a side conversation about making sure the wedding planning accommodates the life of must attend guests like the bride and grooms siblings, but that is not the discussion at hand)

why didn’t you just not go?

Because it was one of my oldest' friends weddings. I'd already missed the hen do. I wouldn't have gone if it was one of DH's mates or someone I wasn't that close to.

I hate the first one, it sort of implies parents are trying to exploit them by taking up all the available spaces and also tells you how to behave properly at evening events. The second one is fine.

The child free bit is fine. Can't see anything offensive there. If it's such a hassle for you to get childcare or you can't bear to Leave them then don't go-it's an invite not the mn proverbial summons.
The poem is a bit twee. But people are so precious about asking for money instead of gifts as there is such a thing about it being rude and it gets over analysed by people.So I can't really find anything to be offended by there either really.

Sending someone an invite while implicitly insulting their kids isn't exactly the height of politeness, yeah.

It's already bad enough saying your kids (= for most parents, the most important person in their life) aren't welcome. But assuming that you can't wait to get away from them is just crass and tone-deaf.

Best wedding I've been too included a couple of child entertainers, and an entire room dedicated to keeping the kid's occupied (TV, board games, comfy sofas, etc.) while the adults had the bar/dance floor to themselves. Win-win all-round.

[quote JukEki]@BadLad

Our life together has already begun,
We have almost everything under the sun.
If you should wish to buy us a gift,
A little extra money would give us a lift.
But most importantly, we request,
You share our day as our wedding guest.
Now that we’ve saved you any fuss,
We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us![/quote]
Ffs, vom.

@RobotValkyrie

Sending someone an invite while implicitly insulting their kids isn't exactly the height of politeness, yeah.

It's already bad enough saying your kids (= for most parents, the most important person in their life) aren't welcome. But assuming that you can't wait to get away from them is just crass and tone-deaf.

Best wedding I've been too included a couple of child entertainers, and an entire room dedicated to keeping the kid's occupied (TV, board games, comfy sofas, etc.) while the adults had the bar/dance floor to themselves. Win-win all-round.

But what if the bride and grooms budget cannot stretch to that? “A couple of children’s entertainers”, hiring out a whole additional room, all the other stuff you mentioned to keep them entertained, etc Should you the couple just not bother getting married if they cannot do all of this?

@Blossom64265 no your just being over sensitive and looking for an issue in my opinion
They clearly have meant no harm and if they put adults only and people go and see kids ( as some may be invited) they then get pissed off too
Its clearly a copied phrase from a wedding site no big deal , no drama to create out of it
Just accept or decline move on with your day and worry about much more important things

@RobotValkyrie really thats what you take from it
The reality is yes they might be the centre of your world but not everyone elses
And many do want a weekend away or night off
I really hope the bride doesn't read these replies as they may be devastated to think some have taken it so far
Your kids are not everyone elses world and it seems thats many parents issues these days , they think there kids don't shit don't stink and everyone should feel the same

@QuirkyTurtle yes they really do the replies have just got worse

This!

Exactly this. People are disgraceful. You've been invited to a wedding. No one if forcing you to go.

If it doesn't work for your circumstances just politely decline. End of.

This thread is just beyond bitchy.