To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

You can say no to invites. Personally I think not going is a lot less stressful then going!

@user1471439310 11 kids isnt many though is it
The people may have 11 nieces & nephews . If we invited all if our friends kids as well as families we would of had 50 as it is we had 25 a line had to be drawn somewhere for day guests

@daisychain01

There was a time when getting a wedding invitation was a positive thing. Something to look forward to.

Nowadays it's how can you pick holes in every aspect of the B+Gs arrangements, from how they word the invitation, to the venue, to the gift list or request for money because they don't need 6 toasters.

Just decline if it gets on your nerves that much is probably the best decision.

I think it's because weddings have become harder (and more expensive) to attend over the years, twenty years ago they tended to be smaller and more local to where the bride and groom lived, you tended not to need overnight accomodation if you also lived near the bride and groom, and there weren't expensive hen/stag weekends (often aboard) so you hadn't already shelled out for that and got childcare for them.

If you had kids, back then you were more likely to only need a babysitter for an afternoon and evening, and less weddings were child free back then so you may not have needed childcare at all. It's only since weddings have been allowed in other venues rather than religious venues or registry offices, before that you couldn't have a whole wedding at a hotel/stately home/castle etc. As weddings have become more complex and expensive, couples have invested so much in them that they want the perfect day, and the price per guest has gone up for them. The weddings I attended in the late 90s were much smaller than they tend to be today and they weren't child free.

@Jumpingintomenopause yes my thoughts too
Maybe family children are but they can't invite all their friends kids as well

Yep, I'm the same. Never heard of children at weddings until I came on Mn. Having children at weddings seems to be a modern British thing.

I’m old and British. Over the years, I have attended a lot of weddings all over the British isles and I can assure you that it certainly isn’t a modern thing. The vast majority had children present.

If you're still breastfeeding, that's an excuse not to go surely!

@etulosba many would be family kids though not always friends kids
Years ago people didn't take their kids to so much things
Restaurants , pubs etc
Im only 40 odd and we only went to family weddings not all my parents friends

The poor bloody couple are trying to get married , their way, on their day. They don’t want kids there.
I’d genuinely hate to be planning these days if some of the stories and comments on MN are a true representation of what people think about you daring to get married. 😔

I have only ever taken either of my children to a wedding when they were still breastfed and so I didn't really have any choice. I choose to leave them with family (lucky me that I can, of course) every time, and find the wedding is loads more fun for me without them. I still don't really want to be told that inviting me to a child-free wedding is a lovely treat and favour for me. It's not an 'opportunity'.

Fair enough if someone want an adult only wedding but I too hate that faux favour of how great it’ll be for you to be child free.

Maybe people should just be more blunt about it?

'We don't want your children to come and we don't want gifts, thanks'

My own register office wedding was child and husband free. I only invited my 5 sisters and my mum.

I went to two family weddings on back to back weekends and declined the invites for both my dh and 13 & 11 yr old. I went alone and met up with them on holiday afterwards.

None of it matters. Don't know why people make such a fuss about this stuff.

I have absolutely zero objection to child-free weddings, by the way, just to the idea that it's actively doing me a favour to not invite my children.

Those saying that this thread is outing because of the poem - it's a poem anyone can pick up on wedding pages and groups. So no, it's not outing!
For those saying this is a new thing, it really isn't. I've been married twice, in the late 80's and again about 20 years ago. Both times children invited were limited to those in close family. Which the first time meant none, the second time meant two, and a tiny newborn baby I think 3 weeks old. In both cases the decision wasn't particularly unusual, some weddings had kids invited, some didn't.
Why? Because weddings cost a lot of money and I'd observed so many things happening with children present that would have really pissed me off at my weddings -
The actual service and vows being spoilt by unruly children and parents who didn't take them out. (I probably would have stopped, turned and asked them to do so, which wouldn't have been great LOL!).
Kids being allowed unfettered access to buffet food by parents pretty much ignoring them. Yuck.
That feeling of being at a children's party - with them playing on the dance floor, even late into the night. Screeching and running about during first dances. Knocking into people with drinks.
The assumption by so many parents that everyone should be happy to see their little darlings, welcome them at their table or elsewhere. Pretty much community babysitting while mum and dad had a nice evening child free.
Just so many things I didn't want and therefore didn't have.

@Blossom64265 its not insulting you just politely decline
Its not an attend or else
Its not the B & G issue if you have a problem getting childcare etc
Many people now get married on a weekday so some can't get time off so you politely decline
Its really not that hard and not something to get offended by
Your kids your problem at the end of the day
When you have kids you sometimes miss out on things for various reasons
Ive said no to weddings because kids aren't invited or I just don't want the hassle . Or its too far away and cost is too much, im still grateful for the invite though and polite enough to say no thank you and understand my issues
I have missed work do's because of no childcare I don't expect work to change it for me for a more convenient time etc
Its not about me me me as some on here seem to think

@BlondeDogLady

I'd say there's something very wrong, if you feel like you can't have a good night out without your small children. Of course it's less stressful. You can let your hair down, without worrying about the children, or chasing them around the dance floor. If you have small children, you'd have to leave early as they get cranky. And who wants babies at a wedding? Crying at crucial moments (and some parents don't know when to remove themselves if baby is screaming).

It's literally one day. Get dressed up. Have a great time without any pressure. Have fun with your DH.

It's mainly a problem for parents who don't have family to provide childcare. I know you can hire babysitters, but not everyone feels comfortable with that and it does get expensive if you have to factor in accomodation too.

@Fatmax22 its outing with the wording of the invite and the poem together , chances of someone using both and the month of wedding
You won't need to be a detective if its your wedding , there are a few details

I'd actually say that the majority of weddings I ran were day events rather than weekends.

If the B&G chose a venue which had onsite accommodation often they give people the option of staying. There isn't an expectation. It isn't a demand. For many people it's easier to know that they don't have to mess around with taxis and they can go to bed when they're tired or even stop off for a nap if they're feeling tired.

I don't agree that weddings are getting more and more expensive to attend. If that's the case, you're putting that cost on yourself.

If someone asks for cash, give them what they can afford. You don't need a new dress or suit. You don't need to stay over at expensive accommodation. You don't need to mess around with taxis if you can drive. You don't have to go to the hen do. You don't have to pay for expensive childcare.

Do what you can do within your budget. If the B&G aren't happy with this then they also aren't really your mates.

Do people just like to look for ways to be offended i mean really taking the offence of how someone has worded an invite , there clearly trying to be lighthearted
Its not a personal dig at you and your kids , get over it
Even the OP was only mildly irritated
I mean people are literally taking it word for word as personal
They probably took it off some wedding site and didn't think too much into it

My own register office wedding was child and husband free. I only invited my 5 sisters and my mum

How does that work? Surely you need the groom to be present?

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Fatmax22 its outing with the wording of the invite and the poem together , chances of someone using both and the month of wedding
You won't need to be a detective if its your wedding , there are a few details [/quote]
There are whole websites dedicated to wording stuff like this on wedding invitations, including the wording of that one. theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/

"Do people just like to look for ways to be offended" @worriedatthemoment we both know the answer to this question is yes. It's almost embarrassing how badly some people just want to be offended, sounds like a stressful life.

The actual service and vows being spoilt by unruly children and parents who didn't take them out.

The vicar read the riot act before our service. In the event, it wasn’t needed.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I think they can be as in if you have to travel as we do for many family ones
But my family don't expect a present at all if you have had to travel and stay
Some we go to some we don't if we can't afford to stay etc and long drive away
Also most are buy your own drinks etc so cost can add up
But when all said and done its a choice , you don't have to go
I went to a cousins wedding and room cost £125 a night ,,cheapest around and too far to drive for a day, plus drinks and kids news clothes but when all said and done we didn't have to go , but wanted too so the money we spent was worth it and we had a lovely day/ night
They also had a poem money poem thing and didn't bother me as I planned to gift money anyway as it is easier and better than a list that may only have expensive gifts on
All the poems are worded anyway as no gift required but if you would like to
In some cultures they pin money on bride and groom , imagine if some on here got invited to a wedding like that

@Fatmax22 i get that but if you have 3 facts you could work it out if it was yours couldn't you

@Zazdar

The actual service and vows being spoilt by unruly children and parents who didn't take them out.

The vicar read the riot act before our service. In the event, it wasn’t needed.

And this is why I always recommend that if you're having a child friendly wedding you have a space dedicated for the kids and parents if they do need to step out. And politely let everyone know that the space was there and what we wanted them to do if their kids were kicking off.