To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

We had a child friendly wedding and the vast majority of parents decided not to bring their kids as it would be more work to do so. I was so surprised after the amount of fuss people kick up about not being able to bring kids...

I truly believe it's only on Mumsnet that it's more inconvenient to not bring kids. In real life, most people seem to embrace childfree weddings and get a sitter easily and enjoy the time to themselves and catching up with old schoolfriends.

I think you are being a bit uncharitable. It's hard to word invites around the no child issue and gifts. They've obviously tried to make an effort to do it sensitively but have not hit the spot with you on this occasion. Presumably they are friends and you like them so I'd take the invite in the spirit it's intended which is obviously trying not to cause offence.

@ancientgran same here with my DD and my brother and I when we were children

In my family children are expected to behave and they are taken out for meals, to church, to functions and they learn from a very early age how to behave appropriately.

Perfectly fine to have a child free wedding.
Not fine to try to pretend the decision doesn’t create huge amounts of stress or even make attendance impossible for some of your guests. The first invite is insulting.

What would half of you prefer the invite said?

"Divvent bring your bairns as I don't like them very much. Let's get mortal!"

Surely it's saying more or less the same thing just more tactfully?

My nephew is getting married the end of April and there will be children. My grandchildren and many of his friends have kids. Before covid shut down my daughter's wedding in April of 2020 there was going to be 11 kids at hers. I hate poems about giving gifts.

I'm with OP. The wording in first invite is a bit off, said by someone without DCs, the second wording is better

I had children at my weddings and so did nearly all my large family when they married if I was invited (LP). However I understand when people want adult only weddings- I mostly decline those invites unless it's very local.

I attended a close friend's wedding where she'd asked my (then) 8 year DD to be a bridesmaid then disinvited her as it became an adult only wedding (& never invited my other two DCs) and then when I turned up on my own, I found I'd been volunteered - as transport for others!!!! Despite having babysitters to get back to.

I'd been volunteered to take home 2 Great Aunties from evening Do (who lived 30 mins drive away in opposition direction to me at a venue already 40 mins drive from my house) and to ferry other guests between photo venue by sea and the two wedding venues each 20-30 mins apart. I was turned into a wedding taxi service!!!

I will never do that again. I wish I'd just left in the evening when I wanted to - as The Great Aunties complained that I was leaving at 10pm but refused to get a taxi home- B&G didn't even ask me, but (drunkenly) told me just before 9pm after Aunties had told everyone and me that I was their lift home (!!!). It was raining heavily and they lived rurally.

It wasn't a great fun wedding for me. There were 8 other DCs there including brides' DD who spent 1/4 her time with her "Auntie" Ikept
over the day (She and my DD were close friends, my DD was the quiet one & is lovely n helpful when given 'jobs' )

I felt extremely used and it was the start of the end of my friendship with the Bride - or the Groom. (They are divorced now)
My middle DD still talks about the wedding she was meant to be a bridesmaid but wasn't. Btw it also cost me extra in babysitting as I got home after midnight.

@Binthescales

In my family children are expected to behave and they are taken out for meals, to church, to functions and they learn from a very early age how to behave appropriately.

In ours too, he just doesn't give a shit. On the other hand his sister's a dream.

How old is he? Maybe it's a phase or maybe he will use his spirit to be the next Genghis Khan and rule the largest empire in history. A comfortable old age might make up for current challenges and I'm sure he would look after his mum.

One of my sons was what could tactfully described as a handful but he loved a big party so misbehaving at a wedding wasn't an issue, we also found it mind boggling that he was regarded as a bit of an angel at school but I think he just liked being in a crowd so home didn't give him enough stimulation.

@Ikeptgoing

I'm with OP. The wording in first invite is a bit off, said by someone without DCs, the second wording is better

I had children at my weddings and so did nearly all my large family when they married if I was invited (LP). However I understand when people want adult only weddings- I mostly decline those invites unless it's very local.

I attended a close friend's wedding where she'd asked my (then) 8 year DD to be a bridesmaid then disinvited her as it became an adult only wedding (& never invited my other two DCs) and then when I turned up on my own, I found I'd been volunteered - as transport for others!!!! Despite having babysitters to get back to.

I'd been volunteered to take home 2 Great Aunties from evening Do (who lived 30 mins drive away in opposition direction to me at a venue already 40 mins drive from my house) and to ferry other guests between photo venue by sea and the two wedding venues each 20-30 mins apart. I was turned into a wedding taxi service!!!

I will never do that again. I wish I'd just left in the evening when I wanted to - as The Great Aunties complained that I was leaving at 10pm but refused to get a taxi home- B&G didn't even ask me, but (drunkenly) told me just before 9pm after Aunties had told everyone and me that I was their lift home (!!!). It was raining heavily and they lived rurally.

It wasn't a great fun wedding for me. There were 8 other DCs there including brides' DD who spent 1/4 her time with her "Auntie" Ikept
over the day (She and my DD were close friends, my DD was the quiet one & is lovely n helpful when given 'jobs' )

I felt extremely used and it was the start of the end of my friendship with the Bride - or the Groom. (They are divorced now)
My middle DD still talks about the wedding she was meant to be a bridesmaid but wasn't. Btw it also cost me extra in babysitting as I got home after midnight.

Well I'd say their behaviour was appalling and they didn't even have the excuse of being children.

Your poor daughter, she must have been so disappointed.

Married an Italian, in Italy. Not a chance that all the littlies would miss any part of our wedding….

But I’m sure that sounds like a total nightmare for a lot of people, and UK weddings seem to be so expensive to cater etc I’m not surprised child free weddings are increasingly common. It’s their day, they should have what they want but agree it’s not a good plan to pretend they’re doing you a favour.

And agree the poem is awful.

I am going to have a childfree wedding but if that means some people can't make it, I won't hold it against them or be resentful. You can't have it both ways.

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

What would half of you prefer the invite said?

"Divvent bring your bairns as I don't like them very much. Let's get mortal!"

Surely it's saying more or less the same thing just more tactfully?

Well to me I just see them as lying, they aren't doing it because they want their guests to be able to party without their children there.

Why do they need to justify their choice, it's a childfree wedding covers it.

*Well to me I just see them as lying, they aren't doing it because they want their guests to be able to party without their children there.

Why do they need to justify their choice, it's a childfree wedding covers it.*

Christ, people can't win!

If they say it's a childfree wedding, they end up inundated with requests from guests who think they're exempt or ask them to make special allowances, or those who kick off because it's phrased too rudely and the couple haven't bent over backwards enough to explain why it needs to be child free.

If they dress it up and make it sound a bit fluffier, they get shit because they are 'lying' or being 'disingenuous' .

If they have a family friendly wedding they get shit for making it 'too much about the kids' or creating an environment where poor so-an-so can't relax properly.

It may be unanimous on here to not have ANY pleasantries or fluff in your wedding invites, but in my experience as a wedding manager, some people will complain no matter what, but the vast majority are just happy for the mates who are getting married and look forward to celebrating with them.

Also, put it this way.

If you actually like the couple, don't go bitching about how shite any aspect of their wedding is/will be/was.

If you don't like the couple, don't go to their wedding.

@Migrainesbythedozen "I truly believe it's only on Mumsnet that it's more inconvenient to not bring kids. In real life, most people seem to embrace childfree weddings and get a sitter easily and enjoy the time to themselves and catching up with old schoolfriends." - we must have different friends! Some of my friends do this - but several wouldn't - certainly not for something that requires a night away in a hotel - most of my friends are quite affluent and I don't think its a monetary decision, more that they just wouldn't leave DC with other people.

[quote JukEki]@BadLad

Our life together has already begun,
We have almost everything under the sun.
If you should wish to buy us a gift,
A little extra money would give us a lift.
But most importantly, we request,
You share our day as our wedding guest.
Now that we’ve saved you any fuss,
We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us![/quote]
Oh my God. Imagine having the balls to send that in an invite 😳😳😳

If you actually like the couple, don't go bitching about how shite any aspect of their wedding is/will be/was. If you don't like the couple, don't go to their wedding

Amen to this. I sometimes think people approach these threads imagining how they'd react if the wedding in question were that of their worst enemy. These people are your friends, calm the fuck down.

You need to fully understand parenthood to get why someone with a newborn might not be able to leave them?

There have been a huge number of posts on MN over the years from parents of newborns where the bride has had a tantrum over said parent not being able to leave a newborn, especially If said baby is EBF and the wedding is a destination wedding. So, I think in these cases the brides have had absolutely no idea.

Quite. Of course everybody knows that you can't leave a child on their own and thy will need to be looked after by another adult - it's just that some people don't realise that it isn't always as simple as 'oh, just get a babysitter - job done'.

As for B&Gs who are parents who don't acknowledge this, they're usually just selfish and thoughtless, without any mitigating reason; although they might have bottle-fed, just have one or two kids, have kids without SEN, have an army of family and friends at hand to babysit - and be completely unable to understand that not everybody has it as easy as they do.

I’ve luckily never been to a child-free wedding, obviously more common than I’d expected.
The last wedding requested money for gifts ☹️, the piece of verse said something about ‘a pony’ on several lines, that’s £100!
I found out later that a very expensive honeymoon had been bought and the couple were in serious financial difficulties having planned an extravagant wedding.

@ancientgran they have just done it to lighten it up a little
No big deal go don't go
People just look for ways to be offended nowadays

Lets hope this doesn't end up in a newspaper or read by brides or family
Its a damn site ruder putting personal invite details or poem on a forum than anything else for others to slag off

I've not been invited to a child-free wedding since having kids but I can imagine it would be a real PITA. If I didn't want the kids at a wedding so I can relax enjoy uninhibited revelry I'd organise childcare through choice. The wording doesn't both me though, not does the poem.

A pony is £25.

I don't agree with the OP, I wouldn't be irritated at all by the wording or by the poem.

Also even if my kids are invited to a wedding I'd rather not take them. Weddings are shit for young kids and even shitter for their parents.

@Footprintsinthegrass

I'd have loved to have children at our wedding, I'd rather have cut of days cousins and invited children of other people but unfortunately dh is close to his cousins. Our venue only held 100 total and if we'd tried to invite kids there would have been something like 45 to invite

This. And I don't understand how people don't seem to understand that everyone bringing their 2/3 kids would likely smash the numbers past the limit/budget.