To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

“Poetry” is a good way of avoiding engaging properly with posters.

I don't think the wording is anything other than trying to express their request in a slightly embarrassed way.

I have two kids but I've been happy to go to childfree weddings. Kids can change the dynamic, and not always for the better, particularly when they start to get tired. It's also an extra pressure for me as the parent to make sure they're not annoying other guests.

My parents (rather harshly!) left me as a young baby with my grandparents (who lived some way away so I didn't really know) to take my brother and sister to Europe for a week. I can't say it caused me any lasting damage... I think we've become more child-centric than previous generations.

@Ivyonafence

I agree with you. I hate it when they try to pass it off as doing the guests a favour. It's a nuisance and an expense sorting childcare.

I think the second wording is much better.

I'm all for child free weddings, but as you say, just be frank about and don't dress it up as a favour

I agree, doesn't apply to me as mine are all grown up and two married but it still makes me feel like saying something rude.

[quote Anotherdayanotheropinon]**@Binthescales* Bab you'd have been getting something from the present cupboard or from the sale section of John Lewis I'm not losing sleep over a wedding present for you don't worry!*

Wow you sound lovely. How lucky your friends are to have you [/quote]
I'm usually quite nice but poems like that rub me up completely the wrong way. I find them completely condescending and really quite rude.

I'd be far more generous if it was a simple just to note - we won't be providing a registry. If you wish to give us a gift, we would greatly appreciate a cash gift towards our honeymoon.

In my experience, I've always found whenever there's a poem, whatever you get doesn't go down well. However, I may just have attended one too many problematic weddings because of how jaded I sound.

@newyear1

I don't think the wording is anything other than trying to express their request in a slightly embarrassed way.

I have two kids but I've been happy to go to childfree weddings. Kids can change the dynamic, and not always for the better, particularly when they start to get tired. It's also an extra pressure for me as the parent to make sure they're not annoying other guests.

My parents (rather harshly!) left me as a young baby with my grandparents (who lived some way away so I didn't really know) to take my brother and sister to Europe for a week. I can't say it caused me any lasting damage... I think we've become more child-centric than previous generations.

If people want childfree that's fine but why pretend they have come up with this wonderful idea that you don't have to bring the children. If people are adult enough to be parents surely they can think of that cunning plan for themselves.

A good friend got married and did the "enjoy the night off line".

Readers, I did not enjoy it. If I wanted a break away from the kids it would be with my husband alone - not at a tedious wedding reception.

Kids at weddings are a pain in the arse tbh

So true

however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

I always found this irritating as well - sort of implies as parents you must hate spending time with your kids and them "allowing" you time away is some massive favour.

However I do understanding wanting chid free weddings - we usually found though people who wrote this sort of stuff were the most difficult - they often got upset when we couldn't go why won't your family babysit - that's more of an ongoing inconvience to us than one wedding - why can't you spend 100s to come - and then still be upset if just DH went.

@PigeonLittle if DH and I were staying at the wedding venue sans DS, we'd sneak off pretty early in the evening proceedings and enjoy a nice evening together in the hotel room.

Well what are the Bride and Groom supposed to put?
Don't bring your screaming , tantruming wining children to our wedding. You might love them . We do not.

It’s hard for people without children to understand how difficult it is.

More patronising rubbish.

Plenty of (not all) childfree people are unable to fully understand how difficult it is planning and adapting your life around your children, when they don't have any themselves. That's not a slur on them - just to be expected if you haven't gone through something yourself.

Some expectant dads are brilliant with trying to help and plan and do everything they possibly can to make things easier for their wives/partners - but that still doesn't mean they can properly understand the challenges of pregnancy, however many books they read or classes they attend.

I'm a parent and I know what it's like to have to plan around my one able-bodied child - things I never had to worry about before; but I could never claim to understand all of the difficulties that parents with lots of children, disabled children, or even lots of disabled children experience.

@PigeonLittle

A good friend got married and did the "enjoy the night off line".

Readers, I did not enjoy it. If I wanted a break away from the kids it would be with my husband alone - not at a tedious wedding reception.

Did they all attend your tedious wedding?

Plenty of (not all) childfree people are unable to fully understand how difficult it is planning and adapting your life around your children, when they don't have any themselves. That's not a slur on them - just to be expected if you haven't gone through something yourself.

You need to fully understand parenthood to get why someone with a newborn might not be able to leave them?

My husband and I had an adults only wedding and, I think, we used wording half way between the first and second. I remember being scared of upsetting people and agonised about what to write on the fact sheet (it wasn't on the invitation itself). I think you should go easy on your friends. It was probably a tough thing for them to word too and I imagine they hoped, as we did, that taking a more light handed approach would be better received than just flat out saying 'Your kids are noisy so they're not invited.'

I agree that the money poem is rubbish. For that part we just asked for contributions to our honeymoon fund instead of physical gifts (as we lived in a tiny flat) and then in our thank you cards we told each individual what their gift had bought us which were things like a night in a fancy hotel or dinner at a special restaurant etc.

@Anotherdayanotheropinon yes ok. Not sure where you got that from 😂

A childfree wedding is not a "golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry". If the wedding isn't near where your guests live, it's a golden opportunity for them to call in massive favours to get overnight childcare at home, or add in additional journey time to drop their children off with family, or pay for their children to travel/stay with them and then pay AGAIN for childcare where they're staying.

If you have a childfree wedding and your friends with small children come, it's because they love you enough (and, just as importantly, have the financial/social/emotional resources -- not everyone can financially afford what's required, or has family to look after children, or has children who can be left with strangers) to arrange to be there even though it's an immense faff. It was nice of you to invite them. It's nice of them to manage to juggle things to attend.

Minimising that by suggesting that, actually, this is entirely unidirectional and you've made their life in some way better and more relaxed is just a bit of a cheek.