To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

I would happily help the parents fund and find a baby sitter for the night to enjoy themselves as much as they can within a room provided by ourselves.

This is the part which is naive in my view. Most young children can't simply be left with a total stranger in a random room in a hotel. They will be terrified, and will likely simply cry and scream for hours. So some parents wont be happy to do that. By offering to "help fund and find a babysitter" there's an underlying pressure on the parents that they should accept leaving their kids with a total stranger in order to attend your wedding. The message is "my wedding is more important than anything, I will do whatever is necessary to ensure you attend" but totally disregards what's reasonable for babies & younger children.

If you are upset you can't take the kids don't go.
This is not your day or your circus.
If you want to go then, like any other thing in life where children you choose to have are not invited, like a job or a wax, you need to arrange to have someone look after them.
Yes I have children.

This thread and others piss me off with the rubbish about people without kids.

If you’re twenty one without a child, most of your friends probably don’t have them but by the time you’ve hit forty and you’re the only one without, you’ve got a pretty good idea that newborns can’t be left, babysitting isn’t easy and children have lots of needs that need to be met.

Plenty of parents seem clueless that not everyone is in the same situation as them or has the same views on parenting that they do, for example at what age it’s ok to leave a young baby for a few hours/overnight etc. Thats without even thinking about extra needs, how challenging behaviour should be managed or what to feed children. It’s only those without kids who are accused of being clueless.

If you’re doing this, please stop.

[quote JukEki]@BadLad

Our life together has already begun,
We have almost everything under the sun.
If you should wish to buy us a gift,
A little extra money would give us a lift.
But most importantly, we request,
You share our day as our wedding guest.
Now that we’ve saved you any fuss,
We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us![/quote]
I cringe inside

@OfstedOffred

Yanbu. Lately everyone we know seems to assume we can and want to leave our young kids for 2 nights to attend their lengthy childfree event wedding 4 hours away from where we all live - because you know, it's the most important thing in the B&Gs lives so it must be to everyone else, right?

But entertaining your kids should be top of their priority? Don’t like the offering then don’t go. It’s that simple.

Child free is fine so long as neither bride or groom will be upset if someone can't/doesn't want to go as a result.

Child free line whilst pretending the reason is to save the parents hassle of being with children at wedding - unnecessary and annoying. Much prefer invitation 2's version - it's child free, our choice type comment with no pretence involved

Summed it up perfectly there.

I have 2 kids and wouldn't be offended by the wording of either. Prefer the first one if I'd have to pick. If I had a young baby or other personal circumstances I might not go but wouldn't expect an apologetic disclaimer in the invite.

Loving the poetry here
At my wedding we had kids by the score
We needed to get married quite quickly
Before they could have any more.

@PurpleDaisies

What’s so hard to understand?
I just think children are a lovely part of a wedding. Seeing them run around the dance floor etc. I had my DD, my niece and my friends DD as flower girls and it was lovely. That's just my opinion though. I just think when I was growing up it was a given kids would be at a wedding.

I totally agree. I think child free weddings are perfectly reasonable, but dressing it up as altruism annoys me. Just say that they're not invited - don't turn it into some massive favour, as for some people it really won't be one!

I've asked you nothing, simply said
We all get older til we're dead
And young ones now, if they attended
Can remind us of how guests once blended
Old ones, young ones and the strongest
Brought together in a love fest
But fly away to somewhere hot
You've forgotten that I'm not
On your wedding list, we've never met
I'm just a stranger on the internet
And my opinion, in the long run
Doesn't matter half an onion

And at my friend's wedding reception DH couldn't go so I took my DD as plus one. She loved it, especially the candy floss machine

Just reading back through the thread and this I think demonstrates the difference in parents that don't expect their children to be invited vs those that do. Those that expect their children to be invited seem to be, from this thread alone, very self-indulgent and uptight. Those that don't expect their children to be invited seem to be easy-going and have a healthy sense of self regarding important time away from kids to establish good friendships with old friends. These two posts amply demonstrate the easy going, light nature of those that understand.

*Pedalpushers Mon 24-Jan-22 08:51:37
For my wedding we allowed parents to bring their kids. Every. Single. One. declined to do so and messaged saying 'I'll leave them at home so I can party!' 'Yay a night off! etc etc. 9 or 10 sets of parents in total all with the same response. Seems like a lot of people DO like the idea of a wedding as an excuse to get away.

Add message | Report | Message poster | Quote | See allNishkin Mon 24-Jan-22 08:53:30
I had a child free wedding- there was only space for 50 guests- there were no young children in the family at the time, but I managed to book my wedding on my friends daughter’s birthday - I only found out on the day and was mortified- my friend laughed and pointed out she would be having a great time with grandparents*

@GrendelsGrandma

I've asked you nothing, simply said We all get older til we're dead And young ones now, if they attended Can remind us of how guests once blended Old ones, young ones and the strongest Brought together in a love fest But fly away to somewhere hot You've forgotten that I'm not On your wedding list, we've never met I'm just a stranger on the internet And my opinion, in the long run Doesn't matter half an onion

That was for @MabelsApron by the way

[quote teaandtoastwithmarmite]@PurpleDaisies

What’s so hard to understand?
I just think children are a lovely part of a wedding. Seeing them run around the dance floor etc. I had my DD, my niece and my friends DD as flower girls and it was lovely. That's just my opinion though. I just think when I was growing up it was a given kids would be at a wedding. [/quote]
You say you understand not everyone has the same opinion but you don’t understand child free weddings?

@grendelsgrandma I mean thanks but I'm not sure I followed that. Is the lesson that I shouldn't get married abroad as I'll miss the "lovefest"?

Good god. I find poems so crass.

I hate how 'florid' wedding invitations are.

That poem is really something else... saved you the fuss? Bab you'd have been getting something from the present cupboard or from the sale section of John Lewis I'm not losing sleep over a wedding present for you don't worry!

Again, I hate child free weddings that are really 'sorry not sorry'. We had a child free wedding and in no way was that for our guest's benefit. It was because wedding's are fucking expensive and I don't like your kids and I had to make the numbers stretch.

I think ours said something like 'Unfortunately due to guest restrictions, the invitations cannot extend to children, only to the named couple. We apologise for the inconvenience this may cause and understand completely if you are unable to attend.'

I did however make exceptions for everyone with babes in arms. Two of DH's cousins brought their babies, about three of my friends did and I had my nephew and niece. However, I wouldn't do that again because DH's cousin let her baby cry THROUGHOUT the speeches.

But entertaining your kids should be top of their priority? Don’t like the offering then don’t go. It’s that simple.

Totally agree - its when B&G go mental when I offer reasonable compromises eg

• hurrah looking forward to it but we cant stay two nights just the one
• hurrah it's great but we'll have to leave at 10pm to relieve babysitter/feed baby etc

Yes it is irritating and that poem is unbelievably crap.

Why are you even going if it's going to cause you so much hassle?

It's the assumption of what a brilliant thing it is for parents, and the explanation, that is unnecessary/ unhelpful.

We just wrote regret no children on ours.

Blunt maybe, but I didn't wish to explain and didn't assume. Everyone but one couple decided to come. Although they separated not long after so suspect it wasn't just no kids at our wedding.

Didn't get any fall out- that was said to my face!!

@Binthescales Bab you'd have been getting something from the present cupboard or from the sale section of John Lewis I'm not losing sleep over a wedding present for you don't worry!

Wow you sound lovely. How lucky your friends are to have you

@PurpleDaisies

This thread and others piss me off with the rubbish about people without kids.

If you’re twenty one without a child, most of your friends probably don’t have them but by the time you’ve hit forty and you’re the only one without, you’ve got a pretty good idea that newborns can’t be left, babysitting isn’t easy and children have lots of needs that need to be met.

Plenty of parents seem clueless that not everyone is in the same situation as them or has the same views on parenting that they do, for example at what age it’s ok to leave a young baby for a few hours/overnight etc. Thats without even thinking about extra needs, how challenging behaviour should be managed or what to feed children. It’s only those without kids who are accused of being clueless.

If you’re doing this, please stop.

I concur wholeheartedly.

I wasn't a fan of other people's kids before I had my own and if anything I'm less of a fan now.

I'm far less hospitable now because I simply can't be arsed with the fuckers. I've known from teens babies are hard, children need bedtimes. I'm not an idiot, nor is anyone childless. My eldest would happily have sat at the children's table to colour at three, my youngest would attempt to limbo under the bride and groom during their first dance. Even if they were invited, I probably wouldn't take them unless it was CLOSE family because it's just hard work, however we're fortunate to have family who could have them.

Attending weddings as a guest is rarely the 'enjoyable' experience many couples think it is. You attend to show your support for the couple (when not in the wedding party) not because you're absolutely red with excitement to see Julie from accounts marry her fiancee Paul who always makes sexist jokes at the Christmas party.

Those that expect their children to be invited seem to be, from this thread alone, very self-indulgent and uptight. Those that don't expect their children to be invited seem to be easy-going and have a healthy sense of self regarding important time away from kids to establish good friendships with old friends.

This - with zero desire to add to the incendiary nature of some of these posts - is cobblers.

The truth, as ever, is somewhere in the middle, with some offended, stick-up-backside comments from those who prefer child-inclusive weddings, and a similar tone from some posters who prefer child-free. Neither are right or wrong.

The vast majority of posters have gone to neither extreme: they've merely made the measured, fairly common-sense observation that they don't especially care but find the twee poems/non-invitations couched as a 'favour', mildly irritating.

People are well aware they are at liberty to decline invitations. As has been said above, not their circus. B&G and their parents might be hugely invested in their particular wedding: the cold reality is that other people are not. Just accept or don't accept, with no reason for taking gratuitous offence on either side, and these 'problems' will magically disappear.

[quote MabelsApron]@grendelsgrandma I mean thanks but I'm not sure I followed that. Is the lesson that I shouldn't get married abroad as I'll miss the "lovefest"?[/quote]
@MabelsApron

The point is, wherever it occurs
A wedding with young ones endures
In the memory, and mixing up ages
Means it stays longer in the mind's pages.
I've had it with this now, I've been called jerk
So now I will go off and do some of my work