To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

"""Haven't read whole thread soz" as going to bed . but the original poem on page 1 or 2 is just awful. When did it become ok to ask people for money as long as you ask via an awful poem? I'm not even that old , this is a pretty recent thing and it is a bit vomity . Let's be honest. If you have a 40th you don't send a godawful poem with the invitation asking for cash. Why do it for a wedding? So strange. People are weird.

[quote Anotherdayanotheropinon]@GrendelsGrandma

Interesting you can’t give a straight answer,
Almost like you’ll be outed as a complete chancer,
who only had a few kids and didn’t have an issue,
With dozens of children whining and wailing into a tissue.

How easy it is to judge as a smug old fool,
Saying couples getting married older and child free are tools,
Purposely misunderstanding that it’s not about ego,
Rather catering for 60 children of friends and relatives would be a total mess,
and the only ones causing an issue are smug judgy guests.[/quote]
Best one yet!

[quote Anotherdayanotheropinon]@GrendelsGrandma

Interesting you can’t give a straight answer,
Almost like you’ll be outed as a complete chancer,
who only had a few kids and didn’t have an issue,
With dozens of children whining and wailing into a tissue.

How easy it is to judge as a smug old fool,
Saying couples getting married older and child free are tools,
Purposely misunderstanding that it’s not about ego,
Rather catering for 60 children of friends and relatives would be a total mess,
and the only ones causing an issue are smug judgy guests.[/quote]
Thanks, I enjoyed those lines of verse
Though your tone was a little bit terse
Implying I'm a smug judgy chancer
Even so, I'll give you an answer
My wedding had around ten youths
They yelled a bit and stomped on their hoofs
I didn't mind, cos parenting is a grind
And a day out is a spot of bright fun
If I get married again, I'll invite you my frien'
and give you a nice Chelsea bun

This thread has made me paranoid now that we did a money poem!

Although we welcome children and have provided children entertainment so less bad there

@Keke94LND

As I said previously, child free people spend a lot of time money and effort over the years celebrating friends engagements, weddings, baby showers, childbirths, children's birthdays etc, and now you want us to spend even more money by inviting your kids to our weddings, or you won't come.. who are the selfish ones again?? 🤪🤪

Oh yeah I forgot to mention peoples hen do's/stag do's as well. Should I invite peoples kids to my hen?

Good grief. What on earth is a cold bridal throne?

Have you no metaphor in your soul? Obviously it means the bog. Maybe even one of the ones covered in confetti with a 'bride only' sign on the door.

@MabelsApron

A cold bridal throne
Was the fate of Aunt Joan
She banned kids and ended up chilly

YANBU. I don't understand child free weddings

It doesn't matter what they put, someone will be offended.

I know. I organised events for years. It is impossible to make everyone happy. People will always moan......

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

YANBU. I don't understand child free weddings

What’s so hard to understand?

[quote GrendelsGrandma]@MabelsApron

A cold bridal throne
Was the fate of Aunt Joan
She banned kids and ended up chilly[/quote]
What does this nonsense mean?

Yanbu. Lately everyone we know seems to assume we can and want to leave our young kids for 2 nights to attend their lengthy childfree event wedding 4 hours away from where we all live - because you know, it's the most important thing in the B&Gs lives so it must be to everyone else, right?

Oh, OP.
YANBU to feel irritated. You're no doubt knackered.
But ...

It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

It's absolutely your prerogative to decline a wedding invitation you don't want - just own it.
It's not this couple's fault you are exhausted & are picturing the wedding to be all about expressing in the bogs rather than dancing, chatting, whatever ...

SO YABU for imagining that they could read your mind.
It IS a night off for you! You just don't fancy it - & that's fine. Don't go, if it's making you miserable just thinking about it!

You feel as irritated as you need to - nobody can blame you for that, you've produced & are caring for a baby.
But don't deflect that irritation onto this couple. They are doing nothing different to the other couple, they just worded it differently, & putting your focus there, instead of on your real feelings - (probably "I can't be arsed & don't want to go" ??) - isn't going to help you relax enjoy it if you DO go.

@minniep

I can honestly say hand on heart I've never heard of people expecting to bring children to weddings until I came onto MN. It's just not a thing here unless it's immediate family or the bridal party or the child is specifically invited but no one I know would get a wedding invitation and even think that their children are invited or even wonder about it. It just isn't a thing. I had a big wedding and not one person asked could their children come nor did I need to specify that they couldn't come. It actually wouldn't have bothered me at all if people wanted to bring a child due to lack of childcare. I'm in Ireland and would have a large family and the children thing never comes up. In saying that I can't attend a lot of things due to lack of childcare and I'd much rather see children included a bit more ,

Yep, I'm the same. Never heard of children at weddings until I came on Mn. Having children at weddings seems to be a modern British thing. Going back decades in my country weddings have generally always been childfree.

Ps childfree weddings are fine, but dont assume people can/want to have a night away from home, make a long weekend of it etc

@GrendelsGrandma

As I suspected, only ten children attended,
Now you enjoy being incredibly smug,
To others whose numbers are far and above.

With a nasty person like you I’ll interact no more,
Not the least as any event without children means you’re a total judgemental bore.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

At my wedding there were lots And I gave them chocolate pots

Grendel's Granny is killing me. That's how to troll with aplomb (in the original definition of the word)! Quite a few Wedding Poets seem to have been hooked with that bait; not quite W H Arden's solemn funereal efforts but beggars can't be choosers ...🍿🍿🍿

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Piss off your friends by saying kids must stay at home

Well you’ve just explained to me what a money poem is before I check out that thread lol

It’s hard for people without children to understand how difficult it is. You assume they just don’t want children there (which may be partly true) but weddings are so ridiculously expensive these days people do generally have to limit the amount of guests and limiting the number of children is the easiest way to do that.

It’s hard for people without children to understand how difficult it is.

More patronising rubbish.

Same @Migrainesbythedozen @minniep I think it’s a mumsnet thing! I’ve never heard of anyone turning down a child free wedding invite unless they genuinely couldn’t get childcare which is rare. I think the issue on mumsnet is that they don’t seem to like any of these people whose weddings they are being invited to so don’t want to make any effort to attend on their friends terms - that or a worrying codependency on their children and inability to be away from them for a night.

@PurpleDaisies

It’s hard for people without children to understand how difficult it is.

More patronising rubbish.

Yeah I'd say it's hard for people with children to understand that other peoples lives don't revolve around their kids

I agree with you, though I'm probably a bit prejudiced as I dislike child free weddings! But yes, if I were invited to a child free wedding, I wouldn't complain, but I'd be pretty annoyed if someone then tried to pass it off as doing me a favour.

[quote Anotherdayanotheropinon]@GrendelsGrandma

As I suspected, only ten children attended,
Now you enjoy being incredibly smug,
To others whose numbers are far and above.

With a nasty person like you I’ll interact no more,
Not the least as any event without children means you’re a total judgemental bore.[/quote]
@Anotherdayanotheropinon

I'll bear your slight, though I'm sorely wounded
When you say ten's not many at a boon, did
You ever wonder how many guests there were?
In all, not many. Though I'm like red to a bull's
Angry eye, your last line has too many syllables, my my!

As I sit on my cold bridal throne
I scoff at all those asking me to atone
For casting out all the little loud tots
(It matters not that they'll cost us lots)
But worry not, for I hope ne'er to rely
On Tabitha, Thomas, Constance or Eli
Instead I'll be off to sunny old Geneva
To see myself out of my own sweet bon vivre.

[quote GrendelsGrandma]@MabelsApron

A cold bridal throne
Was the fate of Aunt Joan
She banned kids and ended up chilly[/quote]
What on earth are you on about? Does inviting kids to your wedding mean you don't have to worry about heating bills? In that case, sign me up!