To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@Migrainesbythedozen That's just the thing. Weddings were once about a couple coming together to ask the community to recognise them as forming a new household, part of a local network of families.

Now it's a 'private formal adult event' that's just a vanity fest for the couple involved. All about them and not put in the context of wider family and friends. It seems really ego-centric to me.

Sure, if I was invited to a childfree wedding I would respect their wishes, probably wouldn't go but it depends. But my private thoughts would be that weddings should be generous and inclusive.

[quote GrendelsGrandma]@Migrainesbythedozen That's just the thing. Weddings were once about a couple coming together to ask the community to recognise them as forming a new household, part of a local network of families.

Now it's a 'private formal adult event' that's just a vanity fest for the couple involved. All about them and not put in the context of wider family and friends. It seems really ego-centric to me.

Sure, if I was invited to a childfree wedding I would respect their wishes, probably wouldn't go but it depends. But my private thoughts would be that weddings should be generous and inclusive.[/quote]
Egocentric??? Says the poster who posted a ridiculous poem about teaching children to hold a grudge if they’re not invited to a wedding. Don’t make me laugh! That rubbish is the most egocentric thing I’ve ever read!!!

@chopc

Do you guys not have any time away from your kids? For a night out or an event or even the work day? How is it any different sorting out childcare for a wedding?

If it involves an overnight stay on a weekend it could be more difficult. They probably wouldn't be using the same childcare provider.

Weddings were once about a couple coming together to ask the community to recognise them as forming a new household, part of a local network of families.

No need for that if you’ve already been together for years. Things have changed. Most couples live together before getting married so there’s no need to be recognised as a new household.

Now it's a 'private formal adult event' that's just a vanity fest for the couple involved. All about them and not put in the context of wider family and friends. It seems really ego-centric to me.

How is a couple getting married any less valid because their friends’ children aren’t there? How is that ego centric because they want to celebrate their wedding in the manner they choose? Isn’t every wedding ego centric by that definition? Every single couple makes choices about what they’d most like to do for their wedding day.

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@GrendelsGrandma That poem is the type of selfish, narcissistic and spiteful thing I expect of the 'type' of parents who demand their children go to weddings. It is really pathetic and it debases and lowers you and says more about you than it does to them. Honestly I feel embarrassed for the author of that pathetic and unhinged poem.[/quote]
Blimey, you feel strongly about that don't you! I wrote the poem off the cuff. It was meant to be tongue in cheek and some of the sentiment had to be scrunched in to make it scan. Don't take it all so seriously! I wouldn't actually send it to a couple

But yes, I do think that people who ban kids from their weddings are mean and wrong-headed. They're treating kids as an annoyance rather than a part of their wider network. Marriage is supposed to be about family, the whole messy noisy lot.

@Migrainesbythedozen

I mean, I'd obviously take her outside if she cried or even made the slightest indication that she might cry. I don't think many people with newborns are in the business of ruining peoples vows. And I understand which is why I said "slightly irked" and nothing stronger.

[quote GrendelsGrandma]@Migrainesbythedozen That's just the thing. Weddings were once about a couple coming together to ask the community to recognise them as forming a new household, part of a local network of families.

Now it's a 'private formal adult event' that's just a vanity fest for the couple involved. All about them and not put in the context of wider family and friends. It seems really ego-centric to me.

Sure, if I was invited to a childfree wedding I would respect their wishes, probably wouldn't go but it depends. But my private thoughts would be that weddings should be generous and inclusive.[/quote]
@GrendelsGrandma Weddings have always been a private event. They have never, ever had anything to do with community. It's an adult event of two adults formalising a sexual relationship, and usually with formal dining. If you understand children at all, you will know children and official formal events don't go together. Weddings should never have children imo. It's an adult event. There are official functions in life that children don't mix with them. A wedding is one of them.

@GrendelsGrandma how many children were at your wedding?

They're treating kids as an annoyance rather than a part of their wider network.

My friends’ children aren’t part of my wider network,

@Anotherdayanotheropinon I won't engage unless you write in rhyming couplets

[quote Anotherdayanotheropinon]@GrendelsGrandma how many children were at your wedding?[/quote]
At my wedding there were lots
And I gave them chocolate pots

Slightly patronising but there's no nice way of saying it. Tell them you can't go if you can't go without the kids. I have kids myself but would understand why they don't want kids there. When I had my wedding we were limited financially so to invite children of friends would have meant the cost went through the roof as most of my friends have at least 3 kids.

[quote GrendelsGrandma]@Anotherdayanotheropinon I won't engage unless you write in rhyming couplets[/quote]
😂

One of the weddings I went to, a baby started crying and the parent got up - I thought, ah that's lovely, consideration. The parent then stood in the aisle bouncing baby around, loudly shushing them, humming, smiling at everyone, whilst the couple were at the top of it, you know, trying to get married.

I think that was the moment I decided that I'd have a childfree wedding!

As I said previously, child free people spend a lot of time money and effort over the years celebrating friends engagements, weddings, baby showers, childbirths, children's birthdays etc, and now you want us to spend even more money by inviting your kids to our weddings, or you won't come.. who are the selfish ones again?? 🤪🤪

Couldn't weddings organise a childminding room so all the adults can have the ceremony without kids if they want?

When we were looking for venues, one place stipulated that their childminders had to be hired if more than x amount of children were attending. I think the number was five.

We had at least 30 so we went elsewhere.

DS and DiL funded a crèche so the ceremony wasn’t interrupted by children. I agree with DiL who said it was nice to take the DC to a wedding to show them off but then she wished she’d had a nanny with her to take them away so she could relax with her friends and stay late and dance. Everyone does a wedding their own way and what matters is who you marry and not how.

@Graphista

I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

You know what! I wonder if this is a peculiarly British thing?

It's not how I was raised either. I was raised weddings are a FAMILY occasion and that includes the kids!

I've never been to or even known of anyone in my circle have a child free wedding - and there's been all variety of styles of weddings!

I've worked in the industry too, left that job around 11 years ago and very very few couples were having kid free weddings then and quite frankly they were a certain "type" anyway.

I think parents need to put their foot down on this and refuse to attend!

My dd is now 20 but like hell would I have sacrificed a weekend with her or paid a fortune for childcare to attend someone's sodding wedding!

These brides and grooms need to stop being so bloody precious!

I find it particularly odd when they're having a religious ceremony as most religions regard weddings as family events and most churches/synagogues/mosques etc are very welcoming of children generally and certainly at these rites of passage.

The kids were the best guests at my wedding!

You know what if I were invited to a child free wedding even at the stage I am where I don't have a young daughter I'd still refuse to go on principle. Not even kidding!

I'm finding Britain - actually no I'm gonna say it ENGLAND is getting increasingly anti children on pretty much everything it's ridiculous!

I noticed this to some degree when I returned from living in non uk Europe as an adult, non uk Europe in so many aspects was far more welcoming of children. I have friends and family that have emigrated and those with young dc REALLY notice it when they come back for visits. One friend has started keeping a note of all the companies that are really shitty towards her or dh as parents or to their dc or who don't provide decent basic facilities (eg decent changing rooms in restaurants) and she refuses to give them her business and is quite vocal about it. Good for her!

It's ludicrous! Kids are part of society too it's about time this nonsense stopped!

As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow.

Damn straight!

My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?

🤣 alright love.

Child free is fine so long as neither bride or groom will be upset if someone can't/doesn't want to go as a result.

Child free line whilst pretending the reason is to save the parents hassle of being with children at wedding - unnecessary and annoying. Much prefer invitation 2's version - it's child free, our choice type comment with no pretence involved.

Hate money poems. But I was always told that you never send gift lists (or reference gifts) out with invitations or make assumptions - you wait until,asked and then let people know if you have a reference.

@Migrainesbythedozen

Beloved friends, please take a trip
To see two adults formalise a sexual relationship
After that, we'll formally dine
Don't bring kids, the day is all mine!

@GrendelsGrandma

Interesting you can’t give a straight answer,
Almost like you’ll be outed as a complete chancer,
who only had a few kids and didn’t have an issue,
With dozens of children whining and wailing into a tissue.

How easy it is to judge as a smug old fool,
Saying couples getting married older and child free are tools,
Purposely misunderstanding that it’s not about ego,
Rather catering for 60 children of friends and relatives would be a total mess,
and the only ones causing an issue are smug judgy guests.

@About10thusername

Mumsnet is so odd sometimes! It's obviously written to be funny. Your friends just want you to enjoy a night away from your kids. And guess what, most parents would love an opportunity to let their hair down and party with old friends as they would pre-kids. It's it's too much hassle or if you want to be miserable about it, don't go.

But do they?

Much more likely is that the friends don't want to pay for extra children at the wedding. That will almost certainly be the over riding reason why children are not invited.

The fact that their friends can have a child free evening is just an add on. For some guests this will be great, others may find it harder to attend as a result.

Let's not pretend the reason that children aren't invited is to do with anything except saving the bride and group money!

@SpiderinaWingMirror

So, what is the acceptable wording for a sprogfree invite?

The second invitation makes it much clearer, and doesn't mess around with pretence. Simply says it's adults only.

Though this may lead to some confusion if any guests have children aged 18+ who live at home, perhaps.

At my wedding there were lots
And I gave them chocolate pots

Grendel's Granny is killing me. That's how to troll with aplomb (in the original definition of the word)! Quite a few Wedding Poets seem to have been hooked with that bait; not quite W H Arden's solemn funereal efforts but beggars can't be choosers ...🍿🍿🍿

@GrendelsGrandma

We send thanks for your wedding invite And though I'll try to stay polite I have to say, you took away My breath with your request To bring money as an honoured guest But leave children so as not to test The nerves of your delightful guests I'll have revelry any time I like A babysitter will take on each tyke But someday, when your bridal throne Is grown cold, and you are getting old You'll call upon those noisy children Who only wanted to have some fun To mend your hip, pay tax for you Since they grew upright and true They'll do it, but remember How you scorned them and the ember Of your love may last, or not, but know: Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

Good grief. What on earth is a cold bridal throne?