To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@Blinkingbatshit

Really interested to know if the trend for ‘no kids’ at weddings is a particularly English thing or more widespread….just culturally I think it will be an interesting reflection on our current values (or lack of them possibly). Would it be a sociologist who looks into this sort of thing?

It’s usually a question of finances rather than ‘values’. Children past the babes in arms stage, need a place at the table and a meal, which is going to whack up the cost considerably if there are more than a few.

My dd extended an open invitation to her many friends with children as well as family, but then we were extremely lucky in having a lovely big venue to use for free, so only had to pay actual catering, booze, marquee, etc.

it would have been a very different matter if we’d been paying much more per head for a commercial venue.
But some parents did choose to come minus their children anyway.

Don't people ever go out without their children? Dinner party? Big birthday celebration? Christmas party? I think some people are just miserable about weddings.

I don’t mind child free weddings, but those other events are hardly comparable. Getting a babysitter for a few hours in the evening is a totally different ball game to an all day sitter, sometimes overnight depending on distance.

@Graphista

• My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" grin one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was grin

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?*

You have hit the nail on the head. That’s what I love about weddings with kids, it’s so much more fun that the all the ceremonial staged stuff - the ceremony, hours of photos, meal, speeches, first dance, etc. There’s such a structure to weddings and I think kids unpredictability are a great tonic to that structure! They can bring about the best and most memorable parts in a wedding.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I really don’t understand the analogy you’re trying to use here. A wedding is a party to celebrate people getting married. Children have nothing to do with that.

I thought I made it clear what I was getting at. Traditionally (and I realise it isn't the case for everybody), a wedding/getting married was something that many people would do with chiefly two purposes/hopes in mind: to spend the rest of your life with another person and to have children with them.

As I say, not everybody, but traditionally, that was probably the majority of people.

I’m not sure why wanting to have children with someone means you need to invite the children of everyone you know to your wedding.

You have hit the nail on the head. That’s what I love about weddings with kids, it’s so much more fun that the all the ceremonial staged stuff - the ceremony, hours of photos, meal, speeches, first dance, etc.
Those things all still happen at weddings with children there.

I'm gonna look at this from a childless perspective, but I've seen some pp say couples are selfish for not inviting kids. My partner and I have been together 6 years and have no kids, when we get married we probably will only include kids of family members. We have spent years celebrating peoples engagements, going up and down the country, here there and everywhere to attend friends weddings, money on wedding outfits, £100+ on trains, money on taxis, money on hotels, plus wedding gifts. Then they've had babies and we travel to celebrate that with them, we buy presents for their babies, some of them have baby showers, a lot of time money and effort spent to celebrate milestones with our friends, but when it comes to our turn, if they all moaned or couldn't be bothered to come because their kids not invited, I'd be abit miffed if I am honest!

We send thanks for your wedding invite
And though I'll try to stay polite
I have to say, you took away
My breath with your request
To bring money as an honoured guest
But leave children so as not to test
The nerves of your delightful guests
I'll have revelry any time I like
A babysitter will take on each tyke
But someday, when your bridal throne
Is grown cold, and you are getting old
You'll call upon those noisy children
Who only wanted to have some fun
To mend your hip, pay tax for you
Since they grew upright and true
They'll do it, but remember
How you scorned them and the ember
Of your love may last, or not, but know:
Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

Oh hang on I should have left the but know off, otherwise not and tot don't rhyme! But you get the jist.

I can't stand childfree weddings. It's a communal event, you miserable fuckers. If couples want to come without children, they'll find a babysitter.

@DanbyDale

The best thing about my wedding was the kids. Loads of little bridesmaids too, they were so excited about it.

We provided for the kids. Tiny party bags on the table, picnic rugs outside with children's toys on them, some intermittent party games and board games. It was a lovely family day.

One of the most gorgeous photos is of a bridesmaid asleep on a picnic blanket, headdress 'scew whiff', another child gazing on.

That sounds like a kids tea party tbh.

One of the most gorgeous photos is of a bridesmaid asleep on a picnic blanket, headdress 'scew whiff', another child gazing on

I don't really know what to say about that sentence. Enid Blyton must be shitting it.

@GrendelsGrandma

Oh hang on I should have left the but know off, otherwise not and tot don't rhyme! But you get the jist.

I can't stand childfree weddings. It's a communal event, you miserable fuckers. If couples want to come without children, they'll find a babysitter.

It isn’t a communal event.

It’s an event with a guest list.

@GrendelsGrandma

Oh hang on I should have left the but know off, otherwise not and tot don't rhyme! But you get the jist.

I can't stand childfree weddings. It's a communal event, you miserable fuckers. If couples want to come without children, they'll find a babysitter.

A wedding is NOT a 'communal event' @GrendelsGrandma it is a private formal adults event. If you can't respect the solemnity of a wedding, don't go. No wonder so many marriages aren't working out when there is a distinct lack of respect for the solemnity of the adult ceremony.

People without kids aren’t idiots. This does not divide down who has kids and who doesn’t. I don’t know anyone who has excluded breastfed babies, even at “child free” weddings.

Nobody is saying that they're idiots, but it stands to reason that somebody who hasn't experienced something won't understand all of the ramifications of it as well as somebody else who has experienced it - that's just natural.

I like to think that I'm not an idiot, but although I know quite a bit about French grammar, I would never assume that I would understand it anywhere near as well as an actual French person. I know the basics of what a teacher does, but I've never been an actual teacher, so I think they would know all the ins and outs of the profession significantly better than I would.

@Migrainesbythedozen I don't do any of the things you mention and kids were welcome at our wedding. We were at a stage in life when most of our friends had toddlers and/or small BF babies, so if we'd said no kids hardly anyone would have come. We kept the guest list to close family and friends only, so in total there were 70 people. The reception was in the village hall with a BBQ on the lawn. The children had a great time dancing and playing. I don't recall anything overly sexual in the speeches.
It was fab and people still reminisce about what a good time they had at our wedding. There's more than one way to do weddings, it doesn't have to be a stiff formal do in a posh hotel. To me a wedding is a chance to celebrate with family and friends, which also includes their children.
In saying that, people are entitled to have child free weddings if they wish, but they shouldn't then get huffy if people don't come. Personally I would decline, we work full time so the little free time we have is for spending with our child.

Nobody is saying that they're idiots, but it stands to reason that somebody who hasn't experienced something won't understand all of the ramifications of it as well as somebody else who has experienced it - that's just natural.

Well obviously, but people without kids usually have friends with them so you’ve got some idea you can’t just stick a baby in a cupboard and go out partying at will.

Nobody is talking about whether you understand every single aspect of parenting. I would argue parents only fully understand how they parent their own children and don’t always appreciate others might not have the family childcare/flexible boss etc that they do, or their child is just different in terms of needs and personality.

I can't stand childfree weddings. It's a communal event, you miserable fuckers.

The irony 😂 If you don't like them don't go!

Save the B&G some money that they would've spent feeding and putting on a party for you. If they have a problem with anyone declining an invitation because finding childcare for all of a day/evening is so horrific then that's their problem.

@GrendelsGrandma

We send thanks for your wedding invite And though I'll try to stay polite I have to say, you took away My breath with your request To bring money as an honoured guest But leave children so as not to test The nerves of your delightful guests I'll have revelry any time I like A babysitter will take on each tyke But someday, when your bridal throne Is grown cold, and you are getting old You'll call upon those noisy children Who only wanted to have some fun To mend your hip, pay tax for you Since they grew upright and true They'll do it, but remember How you scorned them and the ember Of your love may last, or not, but know: Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

I love it!! Almost brought a tear to my eye. Reminds me of the sentiment of the song the Cats In the Cradle

@Sausagesausagesausage

Poems are cringe - my BIL used that one about presents at his wedding 15 years ago, I still feel a bit ill when I think about it now.

We were amongst the first of my friendship group to get married, by the time the last one got married there were 18 children. I don't think it's fair for people to have to invite kids just because you don't get married/meet the right person until later. It costs a fortune, and if it's a choice between inviting a child you last saw as a newborn or an actual friend, I know where my priority would be. I never take the kids to weddings if they are invited - mama is going out and me & my hangover will see you tomorrow.

Finally a normal response! In my case I would’ve needed to invite 60 children! But according to mumsnet it’s really that I wanted a staged boring wedding 🙄🙄 all my friends attended our wedding. None threw a mumsnet hissy fit about being parted from their little darlings for a night!

Inviting kids to your wedding has absolutely nothing to do with whether you want to have them in the future or not.

As long as you never expect people to invite your subsequent kids to their weddings, then fair enough.

As I’ve seen written on here before, it’s an invitation not a summons. If it’s not convenient then just don’t go 🤷‍♀️ Problem solved.

@Yogity

YANBU to be irritated but I think couple 2 wording was fine if a bit blunt.

We are missing a wedding this coming weekend because it was made clear on the invite that even 2 month old EBF DD could not be accommodated. I was slightly irked because there's no cost attached but presumably its a numbers thing, especially with some venues in the area still having covid numbers restrictions so I completely understand. We just declined.

We invited children to our wedding but the vast majority didn't bring them. I think sometimes it's as much hassle bringing them and all of the uncomfortable clothes, missing naps, boredom that comes with weddings for small children

@Yogity because it was made clear on the invite that even 2 month old EBF DD could not be accommodated. I was slightly irked because there's no cost attached

It's not just the cost. Newborn babies scream and cry. I've read several times on this site alone of babies screaming their lungs out during the vows, and parents not taking them out. Children 12 and upwards ok, but definitely not newborns, it's too much of a risk they'll cry.

@GrendelsGrandma

We send thanks for your wedding invite And though I'll try to stay polite I have to say, you took away My breath with your request To bring money as an honoured guest But leave children so as not to test The nerves of your delightful guests I'll have revelry any time I like A babysitter will take on each tyke But someday, when your bridal throne Is grown cold, and you are getting old You'll call upon those noisy children Who only wanted to have some fun To mend your hip, pay tax for you Since they grew upright and true They'll do it, but remember How you scorned them and the ember Of your love may last, or not, but know: Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

I can just see you now… a dear friend has the audacity to have a wedding without inviting your little darling. You decline after throwing a tantrum about it. Then you see said friend out and about. You lift up your two year old and hiss, never forget!!! Mummy used to be friends with her but then she DIDNT INVITE YOU TO HER WEDDING. Stare at that face and imprint it on your mind and remember when you’re a surgeon little Tarquin you’ll have to do a hip operation for her but DON’T BE HAPPY AVOIT IT. this woman SCORNED you.

Then you get home and rip apart a picture of you and your friend. Stick it up over your child’s cot and draw devil horns on it. Every night the bedtime story is about the evil woman who didn’t invite a two year old to her wedding and how the child must never forget it.

Christ I think that poem is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read on mumsnet. 😂😂😂😂

@GrendelsGrandma

We send thanks for your wedding invite And though I'll try to stay polite I have to say, you took away My breath with your request To bring money as an honoured guest But leave children so as not to test The nerves of your delightful guests I'll have revelry any time I like A babysitter will take on each tyke But someday, when your bridal throne Is grown cold, and you are getting old You'll call upon those noisy children Who only wanted to have some fun To mend your hip, pay tax for you Since they grew upright and true They'll do it, but remember How you scorned them and the ember Of your love may last, or not, but know: Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

OH FFS this is horrendous.

@GrendelsGrandma

We send thanks for your wedding invite And though I'll try to stay polite I have to say, you took away My breath with your request To bring money as an honoured guest But leave children so as not to test The nerves of your delightful guests I'll have revelry any time I like A babysitter will take on each tyke But someday, when your bridal throne Is grown cold, and you are getting old You'll call upon those noisy children Who only wanted to have some fun To mend your hip, pay tax for you Since they grew upright and true They'll do it, but remember How you scorned them and the ember Of your love may last, or not, but know: Tomorrow you'll rely on today's loud tot

Codswallop.

@GrendelsGrandma That poem is the type of selfish, narcissistic and spiteful thing I expect of the 'type' of parents who demand their children go to weddings. It is really pathetic and it debases and lowers you and says more about you than it does to them. Honestly I feel embarrassed for the author of that pathetic and unhinged poem.