To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

[quote BlanketyBlanks]@Anotherdayanotheropinon my point is that children just are themselves and I think it’s lovely to watch them dancing and having fun. I don’t find it enjoyable watching adults dance. Just meh.[/quote]
Maybe you should try actually having some fun at weddings and join in rather than being on the sidelines judging how much you don’t enjoy watching your friends dance… how odd. Cant say I’ve ever sat and critiqued peoples dancing at a wedding. Maybe they are self conscious as you said because there’s @BlanketyBlanks staring at them again

Do you guys not have any time away from your kids? For a night out or an event or even the work day? How is it any different sorting out childcare for a wedding?

I wonder if the problem these days is that couples marry much later than they used to.
In the old days, when late teens/early twenties got married, v few of their friends would already have children, so it was just the relatives’ kids who had to be invited.
Nowadays, perhaps the majority of their friends would have multiple offspring.
Secondly, weddings now seem to be much more “performative” - there is pressure for that perfect video, pics on social media, everything is about creating an impression, rather than a chaotic happy celebration with unscripted wailing kids and drunken old uncles etc! I think perhaps Hello mag has a lot to answer for in taking the fun out and substituting one upmanship in cost and presentation.

Really interested to know if the trend for ‘no kids’ at weddings is a particularly English thing or more widespread….just culturally I think it will be an interesting reflection on our current values (or lack of them possibly). Would it be a sociologist who looks into this sort of thing?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

People invite one half of couples all the time to weddings

Weird you think that isn't as common as no children

I must be really behind the times then - haven't been to a wedding in years. It always used to be 'the accepted thing' to invite both of a couple or neither.

That you are

I have never been to a wedding that had children at it other than the children/nieces/nephews of the bride and groom and sometimes the children of the cousins of the b&g. Do people really invite their friends' children to their weddings? You could end up with more children than adults.

I don't know why people get so worked up about child free weddings. Don't people ever go out without their children? Dinner party? Big birthday celebration? Christmas party? I think some people are just miserable about weddings.

People without children have no idea the inconvenience it creates and often don't get the whole "I can't leave a breastfed baby that won't take a bottle", not to mention why the hell would I want to leave my small baby for an entire weekend!

People without kids aren’t idiots. This does not divide down who has kids and who doesn’t. I don’t know anyone who has excluded breastfed babies, even at “child free” weddings.

@Blinkingbatshit

Really interested to know if the trend for ‘no kids’ at weddings is a particularly English thing or more widespread….just culturally I think it will be an interesting reflection on our current values (or lack of them possibly). Would it be a sociologist who looks into this sort of thing?

Pretty common in the US

Most of the big wedding forums are US based so when planning ours we saw a lot on child free weddings and how to word invites for only one half of a couple etc.

@aristotlesdeathray oh you do have it in for me don’t you? Maybe some of us are a little more introverted and aren’t happy up dancing being the centre of attention.

@AdriannaP

Agree with you. For us, we like to spend weekends with our children, have no local childcare and I would pass on the “golden opportunity” to pay £80 for childcare to attend someone’s wedding. I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

I agree, I have never heard of it and it sounds like a strange idea.

Couldn't weddings organise a childminding room so all the adults can have the ceremony without kids if they want?

@DockOTheBay

"uninhibited revelry" I reckon they've got that off a website suggesting ways to phrase an adults only wedding. Nobody talks like that.

Yep they did!

Well they could have said "we don't want your annoying crotch droppings ruining our day" so I think it's fine.

There are also many threads on here where people don't want to go to weddings WITH their children because of the hassle/stress/working around feeding etc.
So I think people getting married can't win.

Couldn't weddings organise a childminding room so all the adults can have the ceremony without kids if they want?

Where would the children go afterwards? You still have to feed them etc. Also, that requires venues to have a room big enough and suitable enough for a load of random kids who don’t know each other, and suitably trained and DBS checked staff.

I don’t think that first one is actually child free. I think with the use of the wording “everyone’s children” that they’re going to have some cute little flower girls and maybe a niece or nephew they’re not allowed to exclude. If I’m right you’re going to be even more pissed off when you get there that you had to fork out for a babysitter!

[quote BlanketyBlanks]@Anotherdayanotheropinon my point is that children just are themselves and I think it’s lovely to watch them dancing and having fun. I don’t find it enjoyable watching adults dance. Just meh.[/quote]
See that most weekends at kids birthday parties if you have ones that age, find it very boring to have to watch it at a wedding also, not everyone is amused and delighted by other peoples kids.

@Graphista

I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

You know what! I wonder if this is a peculiarly British thing?

It's not how I was raised either. I was raised weddings are a FAMILY occasion and that includes the kids!

I've never been to or even known of anyone in my circle have a child free wedding - and there's been all variety of styles of weddings!

I've worked in the industry too, left that job around 11 years ago and very very few couples were having kid free weddings then and quite frankly they were a certain "type" anyway.

I think parents need to put their foot down on this and refuse to attend!

My dd is now 20 but like hell would I have sacrificed a weekend with her or paid a fortune for childcare to attend someone's sodding wedding!

These brides and grooms need to stop being so bloody precious!

I find it particularly odd when they're having a religious ceremony as most religions regard weddings as family events and most churches/synagogues/mosques etc are very welcoming of children generally and certainly at these rites of passage.

The kids were the best guests at my wedding!

You know what if I were invited to a child free wedding even at the stage I am where I don't have a young daughter I'd still refuse to go on principle. Not even kidding!

I'm finding Britain - actually no I'm gonna say it ENGLAND is getting increasingly anti children on pretty much everything it's ridiculous!

I noticed this to some degree when I returned from living in non uk Europe as an adult, non uk Europe in so many aspects was far more welcoming of children. I have friends and family that have emigrated and those with young dc REALLY notice it when they come back for visits. One friend has started keeping a note of all the companies that are really shitty towards her or dh as parents or to their dc or who don't provide decent basic facilities (eg decent changing rooms in restaurants) and she refuses to give them her business and is quite vocal about it. Good for her!

It's ludicrous! Kids are part of society too it's about time this nonsense stopped!

As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow.

Damn straight!

My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?

Geez! Do you also invite kids to meetings with your bank manager, @Graphista ? Or a Hen's Night with penis themes? Or any other adult thing? I'm not in the UK, know people who worked in the wedding industry and thankfully childfree weddings have been the thing for DECADES. It seems to be a modern thing to have children at weddings. People who want children at weddings also seem to be a certain "type" and that type are the ones to let their kids scream during the ceremony, run and bump into tables and trip people with food trays and generally cause trouble. Generally they are the type of parents who don't discipline their children.

Weddings are not for children. They are Adults Only events and often involve hours sitting at a table - so it's selfish and cruel of the parents to inflict that on children - or sexual comments in speeches. It's NOT CHILD FRIENDLY.

Poems are cringe - my BIL used that one about presents at his wedding 15 years ago, I still feel a bit ill when I think about it now.

We were amongst the first of my friendship group to get married, by the time the last one got married there were 18 children. I don't think it's fair for people to have to invite kids just because you don't get married/meet the right person until later. It costs a fortune, and if it's a choice between inviting a child you last saw as a newborn or an actual friend, I know where my priority would be. I never take the kids to weddings if they are invited - mama is going out and me & my hangover will see you tomorrow.

I really don’t understand the analogy you’re trying to use here.
A wedding is a party to celebrate people getting married. Children have nothing to do with that.

I thought I made it clear what I was getting at. Traditionally (and I realise it isn't the case for everybody), a wedding/getting married was something that many people would do with chiefly two purposes/hopes in mind: to spend the rest of your life with another person and to have children with them.

As I say, not everybody, but traditionally, that was probably the majority of people.

A lot of people now get married a bit later when most of their friends already have children. For every friend you want to invite you have to invite their partner and two children. So a list of 30 people you actually want to attend becomes 120 guests. It’s just not workable.

God knows why people get so upset their friends want to celebrate them without having them spend half the day and night looking after their children. It sounds like on MN some people just never leave their children to let their hair down. If you don’t have childcare and it’s a huge hassle then don’t attend. No need to be so offended by the practice.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I really don’t understand the analogy you’re trying to use here. A wedding is a party to celebrate people getting married. Children have nothing to do with that.

I thought I made it clear what I was getting at. Traditionally (and I realise it isn't the case for everybody), a wedding/getting married was something that many people would do with chiefly two purposes/hopes in mind: to spend the rest of your life with another person and to have children with them.

As I say, not everybody, but traditionally, that was probably the majority of people.

Inviting kids to your wedding has absolutely nothing to do with whether you want to have them in the future or not.

@About10thusername

Mumsnet is so odd sometimes! It's obviously written to be funny. Your friends just want you to enjoy a night away from your kids. And guess what, most parents would love an opportunity to let their hair down and party with old friends as they would pre-kids. It's it's too much hassle or if you want to be miserable about it, don't go.

Exactly this. I can't see how it would be more convenient to have to tell your kid every 20 mins to sit still or don't run around or have to take them to the toilet every hour or so. Surely it is more convenient to attend a wedding without all that stress. I find those who want children at weddings to be so very odd.

I can see their point. If you are going to be an unhappy guest do not go. You are putting your children’s first so they will understand. After all is a risk they take if the want a childless wedding.

Oh YANBU! I remember being invited to a wedding when DS was seven months old and the couple framed it as “we’re not inviting children as we really want you to relax and enjoy yourself.” What they really meant was that they were trying to save money, and ultimately I ended up not drinking and leaving early to get home to the kids. It’s fine to have a childfree wedding, but I objected to it being dressed up as it being for my benefit!!

As always it’s an invite

If you don’t want to pay /find childcare don’t go

Fwiw - many weddings are children due to numbers and money

If allowed /can afford 100. That’s 50 couples

If half had kids 123 you would end up with 60 adults so 30 couples and 40 kids

I really dont get why people get annoyed by children weddings