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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop plans for her baby shower

130 replies

Beebababadabo · 23/01/2022 22:18

Ok so my sister is having her first and very likely last baby (she is 42) took about 4 years to get pregnant and I understand this is a very much awaited baby, I know how hard it is to get pregnant as it also happened to me. So my daughter has come down with covid last week and now my son has it, tested just today. All the while my dh and I have tested negative so far. Today I stayed home with my ds and my dd and dh went to dinner at my the in-laws. My Bil (sister husband) said he didn't feel comfortable going so didn't go, even though my dh and dd are testing negative for covid. I'm worried because I've organised a surprise baby shower for my sister this Sunday and I'm afraid my Bil is going to put a stop to it.

It's taken me weeks to plan and money obviously spent. It's only a small affair with 8 ladies in all. We are all going to test on the day for covid and if anyone is positive of course they won't go. But I know because my son has it even if I'm testing negative I'm afraid he won't allow it, he wouldn't even go for a walk outside with friends who child had.it but the dad tested negative. I can't speak to my sister as it's a surprise baby shower to know how she feels (but she has said to me he has been a nightmare with his anxiety since her pregnancy and it actually but her off doing it again, not that she thought she had much of a chance anyway.

Would I be unreasonable to tell him he is being unfair. He suffers from anxiety I know, but I don't see why it should stop my sister from experiencing her first and only baby shower. Of course we be as safe as possible and everyone will test but if everyone is negative just because a family member is positive surely it be safe enough?

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 23/01/2022 22:21

How many weeks is she? Can you not delay? If not I'd cancel.

Mo1911 · 23/01/2022 22:24

In all honesty if it was me, I probably wouldn't take the risk if I was her.

Baby showers are a very recent American import and while I've got no doubt that you've out a humongous amount of love and planning into it, if there was any hint of covid around I wouldn't chance it. Lateral flow tests are notoriously unreliable but better than nothing. My hubby has worked in covid since the start of the pandemic so can testify that they're better than nothing but care and avoidance or people who have been in contact is a much better thing.

At the end of the day nothing is worth risking the health of mother and baby.

Lady1576 · 23/01/2022 22:24

If there’s covid in the family it might just be a matter of time before you have it too. Could change to positive from morning to evening. I wouldn’t want to be in that close contact if it could be avoided. So disappointing for you with all the effort you’ve put in! But definitely I’d be more worried about giving my pregnant sister covid. Could another guest take over where you have got to with the planning and host at their house instead? So sorry! Bloody covid!!

Merryoldgoat · 23/01/2022 22:24

Where is it supposed to be? Do you have to go?

Wolfiefan · 23/01/2022 22:25

Or is he putting a stop to it as she would hate a surprise baby shower? I would. They are cringeworthy and rather grabby.

Mo1911 · 23/01/2022 22:26

@Wolfiefan

Or is he putting a stop to it as she would hate a surprise baby shower? I would. They are cringeworthy and rather grabby.
Me too but each to their own I suppose 😂
Lochroy · 23/01/2022 22:26

YABU. You are putting your interest in the baby shower ahead of anything else. Plenty of women don't have baby showers. Be more considerate and try and rearrange what you can.

LittleGwyneth · 23/01/2022 22:26

I think you need to tell your sister that it has been planned for her and allow her to make her own decision about whether she wants to go ahead with it or not.

LawnFever · 23/01/2022 22:27

Can’t you postpone? Sorry but in your shoes I would, I know technically you can test and you’re within the rules to carry on if you’re negative but if there’s a chance you could pass it on I just wouldn’t risk it.

BennysBingoBonanza · 23/01/2022 22:28

Talk to your sister.

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 22:29

It's not a gift giving thing it's just a few cakes and drinks and catch up really. We got her a nice little few gifts. Like a dressing gown and some pamper things but that's all. I think she would like it.

ContadoraExplorer · 23/01/2022 22:30

I'm due in 6 weeks and, having avoided catching covid for the last two years, I'm actively avoiding scenarios where there is a risk of catching it now.

The last two weeks before my ELCS my husband will be doing the same to lessen the risk he catches it and can't be my birth partner.

I would definitely be avoiding people who have confirmed cases in their household, even if they are testing negative.

That said, it's up to the mother whether she is comfortable attending, not your BIL surely?

Michellebops · 23/01/2022 22:30

I don't think he's being OTT.
It's a personal choice to choose not to go somewhere if there is a hint of Covid in the family.
You can't judge him for wanting to keep his family as safe as possible. I'd be the same.

Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 23/01/2022 22:30

How would you feel if you gave your sister covid? Is it worth it?

lunar1 · 23/01/2022 22:30

Now isn't the time to be surprising pregnant women (or anyone) with gatherings tell her and let her decide.

Coldiron · 23/01/2022 22:30

Is your sister fully vaccinated? If not then definitely cancel, otherwise let her decide

User2638483 · 23/01/2022 22:31

Tricky.
But tbh I don’t think he’s being that unusual.

Quite a lot of people wouldn’t want to take the risk of socialising with someone who has covid in their house, even if that person isn’t positive themselves (yet)

tearinghairout · 23/01/2022 22:31

I think if she's anxious then this will not be a relaxing experience for her. You should delay it. How do you know she wants a baby shower? Maybe being pg is enough, and having a baby shower when people close to her are testing positive is not a good idea.

ContadoraExplorer · 23/01/2022 22:31

(So maybe just break the surprise and let her decide)

givemepiece · 23/01/2022 22:32

Yes I'd say to sister that you were thinking of having a girlie get together. Then she can decide. If she's okay with the get together then you can still make it a surprise baby shower. If not, postpone

HPenthusiast · 23/01/2022 22:32

I think you should tell your sister and get her take on it. Personally I wouldn’t risk it. I had a baby in June and was so nervous either myself and the baby or my partner would get it. Mostly risk to the baby but also that my partner would get it and not be allowed in the labour room with me. I can see where your BIL is coming from sadly.

I’m sure your sister will appreciate everything you’ve done but sadly this is a way of life currently and lots of plans ruined ☹️

User2638483 · 23/01/2022 22:32

But if it’s a week away… surely you’ll either have caught it or be out of the time in which you would

Notonthestairs · 23/01/2022 22:34

I think you BIL & sister should talk it through together.

It would obviously be a shame to cancel it and you are are clearly excited for her.

But they will both be parents soon and need to decide between themselves what is best for them.

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 22:35

I think she would go to it knowing my sister, but he wouldn't want her to, so it would probably be stressful for her and I don't obviously want that. I guess I could postpone. It would be cutting it rather fine but I try or maybe I could just not go. I'm glad, I've posted to get a more rounded out view.

SlipperTripper · 23/01/2022 22:35

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and tested positive today. DSD has been positive since Friday.

Had NO symptoms yesterday or this morning. Can hardly breathe tonight and my chest is rattling - it's scary how fast it's come on. Coupled with baby squashing my rib cage from below, it's really awful.

I wouldn't want a baby shower now (obviously once I'm ok!) any more than I'd want to fly to the moon, this is horrendous and the fear of baby being ill or early is scaring me witless. If your DC are positive, you're a risk!

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