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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop plans for her baby shower

130 replies

Beebababadabo · 23/01/2022 22:18

Ok so my sister is having her first and very likely last baby (she is 42) took about 4 years to get pregnant and I understand this is a very much awaited baby, I know how hard it is to get pregnant as it also happened to me. So my daughter has come down with covid last week and now my son has it, tested just today. All the while my dh and I have tested negative so far. Today I stayed home with my ds and my dd and dh went to dinner at my the in-laws. My Bil (sister husband) said he didn't feel comfortable going so didn't go, even though my dh and dd are testing negative for covid. I'm worried because I've organised a surprise baby shower for my sister this Sunday and I'm afraid my Bil is going to put a stop to it.

It's taken me weeks to plan and money obviously spent. It's only a small affair with 8 ladies in all. We are all going to test on the day for covid and if anyone is positive of course they won't go. But I know because my son has it even if I'm testing negative I'm afraid he won't allow it, he wouldn't even go for a walk outside with friends who child had.it but the dad tested negative. I can't speak to my sister as it's a surprise baby shower to know how she feels (but she has said to me he has been a nightmare with his anxiety since her pregnancy and it actually but her off doing it again, not that she thought she had much of a chance anyway.

Would I be unreasonable to tell him he is being unfair. He suffers from anxiety I know, but I don't see why it should stop my sister from experiencing her first and only baby shower. Of course we be as safe as possible and everyone will test but if everyone is negative just because a family member is positive surely it be safe enough?

OP posts:

HouseofSkullduggery · 23/01/2022 22:38

The big problem is lft are not entirely accurate. I've known countless people be negative on them then positive on pcr.
My own personal experience just 2 weeks ago was dd tested every other day for work. All negative in the morning. On Thursday lunch time she couldn't taste food properly so did another. Faint positive. That same day I had started with a tiny sniffle. Tested at night lft and day after. Negative. By Sat strong positive.
Imo not worth the risk at all. Delay it as if you do end up having covid unknown until it's too late you will feel terrible if you pass it onto your pregnant sister. Disappointing I know but think about it properly.

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 22:38

Sounds more about what you want than anything else?

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 22:39

She is fully vaccinated yes.

HermioneGrangersHair · 23/01/2022 22:40

I wouldn’t risk it either.
Especially as your DC have recently had it. When I got Covid recently - I was in contact with someone who was positive ( unknowingly at an event ) after the event I hadn’t been anywhere else or in contact with anyone else and tested positive 4 days later.
You could still pass Covid to dsis unknowingly.
Bottom line is - if you went to baby shower and then after that your DSis got it how would you feel?
Can it go ahead without you?

PurpleDaisies · 23/01/2022 22:41

This should be your sister’s risk to take. In her position, I wouldn’t want to take the risk and I’d be upset that you hadn’t given me the chance to avoid it.

EishetChayil · 23/01/2022 22:42

Baby showers are ridiculous, and tempting fate.

Celebrate when the baby arrives.

HermioneGrangersHair · 23/01/2022 22:44

@Ohinfertilemama

She is fully vaccinated yes.

Good if she is fully vaccinated as that is positive in terms of both preventing infection and it not being too severe. But even fully vaccinated pregnant women are at greater risk than those who aren’t pregnant if they get Covid. They are at higher risk of lots of things of course but the NHS advice still highlights they are at increased risk.

SallyGoLucky · 23/01/2022 22:46

I think I'd get rid of the surprise element - with covid, and everyone's comfort levels being slightly different, I just don't think surprise events work anymore.

I'd just tell her the plan, say you wanted it to be a surprise, but think it's best she knows now, and the let her decide what's best. I think if i later found out someone had planned, then cancelled an event for me, without me ever being included in the decision making, id be a bit gutted.

Notonthestairs · 23/01/2022 22:47

For me, my kids, my mate and her husband PCR's picked up the virus 5/6 days before LFTS.

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 22:49

I'm not asking opinions of baby showers so I don't really care for the people who posted they are grabby and ridiculous. We arrange a small thing for my sister and I know she would love it. It's about covid not how you view baby showers. Thanks to all the posters who gave me there views on what I was asking about. It's given me something to think about. I have decided I will not go, but will pass on the arrangements to my Mum and they can all test and as long as they are ok they can go ahead with it I'm sure (there will only be 7 people) I will also mention to mum to tell my sister and she can decide what she wants to do.

dicdicnurse · 23/01/2022 22:50

Dd and I are both positive, all our lfts have stayed negative. They can't be relied on!

OhWhyNot · 23/01/2022 22:50

Of course he is going to be very protective

They have waited a long time for this baby

A party can be taken at another time

And LFT don’t seem to show positive as soon as a PCR test

I can totally understand why he is being so protective

Sceptre86 · 23/01/2022 22:52

Her baby shower can still go ahead if you opt out. If you have a positive case in the family it could well just be a matter of time. If she is likely to have just the one child why can't you graciously bow out and let it go ahead without you? Or better yet talk to your sister and let her make the decision for herself.

Sceptre86 · 23/01/2022 22:54

Sorry crosspost. You've done a lovely thing. x

Juniper68 · 23/01/2022 22:56

Ohinfertilemama you should talk to your sister. She needs to be careful imo.

Did you realise your name change fail?

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 22:59

Yes I do I will probably have to ask to delete this post now as my sister is on Mumsnet

Holskey · 23/01/2022 23:02

I'm not a fan of Covid restrictions. People should be able to live their lives now there's vaccination.

But YABU. There's a high risk you'll develop covid and a good chance you'll pass it on to your pregnant sister.

PrincessNikla · 23/01/2022 23:02

@Ohinfertilemama

Yes I do I will probably have to ask to delete this post now as my sister is on Mumsnet

You haven't posted anything else though apart from this thread?

Juniper68 · 23/01/2022 23:03

@Holskey

I'm not a fan of Covid restrictions. People should be able to live their lives now there's vaccination.

But YABU. There's a high risk you'll develop covid and a good chance you'll pass it on to your pregnant sister.

I'm the same. But yes to being careful around pg women.

AliveAndSleeping · 23/01/2022 23:03

From everything I have read op, you don't want to get COVID when you are pregnant. If I was her to be honest I wouldn't risk it and if you suddenly turned up (because it's a surprise party) I would be pretty upset. Maybe the risk is low and this Ott but from everything we know so far when you are pregnant you have a higher risk of becoming severely ill and you have a higher risk of still birth etc. Pregnant women have died.

When I was pregnant I didn't socialise indoors at all in my last trimester. I would have not been thrilled about a surprise party at all let alone one where there bwere people whose household members had covid. I was lucky though because it was summer.

I suppose you are testing with ltf. In this case this might not be good enough. Your bil maybe overly anxious but in this case he is right to be so.

If you can't postpone could you drop out of the party?

Ohinfertilemama · 23/01/2022 23:03

This thread that is! I'm glad I started it though I was thinking of my sister and how I wanted it special for her but yes I guess I was thinking of myself to as it comes down to it because of the arranging of everything. But I know it's good to get others opinions as it makes you see sense so to speak

PurpleDaisies · 23/01/2022 23:04

I'm not a fan of Covid restrictions. People should be able to live their lives now there's vaccination.

People should be able to decide how to live their lives and that includes giving them all the relevant information so they can choose what things to attend or not.

No way the sister should just have this sprung on her.

WTF475878237NC · 23/01/2022 23:05

It sounds like you are more bothered about the baby shower than the safe arrival of the baby to be honest.

Boombastic22 · 23/01/2022 23:07

Honestly OP, have you been living under a rock!

No a LFT is not sufficient. I had a negative LFT in the morning and a positive one in the evening, despite having had two negative PCR.

How you can possibly contemplate seeing your sister I cannot understand. I think you’re being very rude about your BIL.

I personally hate and would never go to a baby shower and I think in these circumstances you must cancel.

AliveAndSleeping · 23/01/2022 23:08

@SlipperTripper

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and tested positive today. DSD has been positive since Friday.

Had NO symptoms yesterday or this morning. Can hardly breathe tonight and my chest is rattling - it's scary how fast it's come on. Coupled with baby squashing my rib cage from below, it's really awful.

I wouldn't want a baby shower now (obviously once I'm ok!) any more than I'd want to fly to the moon, this is horrendous and the fear of baby being ill or early is scaring me witless. If your DC are positive, you're a risk!

I'm sorry. I feel bad about my maybe worry inducing post.

I hope you feel better soon and everything will be ok. This must be so stressful for you. huge hugs.

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