To not tell MIL we want to move abroad?

[Londonlife123]

My husband and I are currently looking for jobs in Asia to move to this July. We have got 2 young children. We have not told my husbands mother yet as we assume she would be very upset, but we don't want to tell her unless it is a definite yes. She sees them roughly once a week for a few hours with us there. Do you think it is the right thing to not tell her now, or do you think she would be more hurt if we were to tell her last minute?
Yabu- you should tell her now
Yanbu- don't tell her until it is confirmed by
Also, do you think it is really nasty of us to move so far away? It has been a dream of mine and my husbands for a few years now and we thought it is the perfect time before our kids start secondary school.

I very much agree with Whatiswrongwithmyknee

Everybody has to make the right decision for them, and I'm not saying that it's selfish to live your life the way/place you prefer.

It's not that your loved ones 'own you' and are demanding you to be near to serve them, deliberately intending to hold you back from enjoying your life. It's just that, to me, the (mutually-loving, non-abusive whatsoever) hands-on, meeting-very-regularly relationship that we as a family have with parents and grandparents is far more important to us than anything abroad could offer (on a permanent/long-term basis as opposed to an extended holiday).

I don't think many people would choose to leave their (mutually happily-married/LTR'd) spouse/partner in one continent and go to live in another, because they reckoned they'd have an overall better life there - as however lovely the other place is, it wouldn't have the person you love dearly there. I know it's not the same closeness, but to a lesser degree, that's how we feel about family.

Obviously, some people do choose this - and I'm not judging them at all for it - but it most certainly would never be for us.

You might find life in some countries in Asia (eg Singapore) very restrictive at the moment.

Thank you for all your replies, it is so interesting to read different points of view.
@Valeriekat I do know this, i wouldn't move across the globe without researching everything first.
Just a few things, and for those who don't think we should move I am interested to see if your opinion changes.
-like I have said, I have lived abroad in Europe and Asia before so I know what it is like, I loved my experience abroad and know the challenges.
-my children attend nursery full time as that is our only childcare choice (mil volunteers so can't/doesn't want to look after them). After childcare I come out with about £300 profit a month. I will be paying this for the next few years as my youngest is only one. If we move abroad, childcare costs will be covered so we will be much better off financially. My husbands wages pay the bills but we are not left with much at all. Again, accommodation will be included in a package (maybe not 100% but most) for so a cost I won't have to think about.
-my mil comes for a few hours once a week. She is obviously a big part of their life, but doesn't pop round on a weeknight for example. I am not expecting her to at all but just to give a bit of perspective. Also, we never go on day trips all together, and the children haven't ever spent time with the mil without us being there. Meaning we haven't had date night in over 3 years!!
Just interested if any of those points change anyone's opinion?

Your DC are very young at the moment so it's actually more when they get to primary age that they perhaps be spending more time with your MIL, I don't know because everyone's set up is different and no grandparent is obliged to provide childcare. It's just when children are very young it's a lot for a grandparent to do frequently. But when we were a bit older, we used to go to both sets of grandparents (just in the daytime when mum was working- they all lived nearby) and these are some of the happiest memories I have of my childhood. And Christmas/birthdays with everyone round. I do agree with the posts by @Whatiswrongwithmyknee and @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

If it were me I would also be concerned about the upheaval for my children of moving schools/countries etc years down the line and how difficult it might be for them. These have huge impacts potentially- some are fine but other people struggle. I can't help but feel it's a bit unfair to do to children who have no say in the matter but that's only my feeling on it.

We told everyone once I was on 3 months notice to start my new job. It was an international transfer but with the same company which made a lot of the steps a lot easier.

DM was very upset and DB announced that he didnt approve(!). We had a big family party which he refused to attend. However once we were moved DM happily came over for regular visits staying for a week at a time. Now she looks back on that time with great fondness.

A lot of people were very supportive. DM's sister & BiL had lived in Germany while in the RAF and were positive about the experience. DPiL had moved around a lot for jobs and were also supportive.

Many people hadnt made the move because it wasnt the right time for some reason or other and expressed regret that they hadnt done it. I dont think we came across anyone who regretted the experience even if it hadnt worked out as they had hoped.

Our experience will have been very different from yours. We only travelled as far as the Netherlands. Our DCs all went to the local school and fully integrated into the local community which is something I am really glad about. We had decided against sending DCs to the British school because we wanted the community experience. DCs all became bilingual for the time we were there. DD1 has retained a lot of her fluency but she was the one with the longest exposure to the language.

Good luck @Londonlife123. I hope it goes well for you. It was a wonderful experience for us as a family.