anybody else here just accepted you are a failure/loser in everything?

[coop36]

Working as a supply teacher at 36, working in agencies. Sacked from my most recent long term supply job there recently for generally being crap. 1 of many. Live in a bedsit, no pension, no relationship-many rejections etc. Before teaching was fired from many jobs too.

Lining paycheque to cheque and just nothing going for me but coming to the realisation that this is it.

sorry don't know what I am asking here-more like just acceptance that your life is messy and failed but get on with it.

You say that you’ve been fired from many jobs before. What for?

generally incompetence, not being able to do what all colleagues seem to do effortlessly. In teaching bad class control, not planning/teaching effectively. Just lacking common sense.

Somebody will no doubt come to say teaching is a hard job, do something else but from working in warehouses, construction, bookies I've been fired/managed out of them all. I'm just awful hopeless case but I just am at the stage of acceptance that this is the way it's supposed to be?

There has got to more to this. You need to find out why these issues keep happening. For example you could be suffering from an undiagnosed condition?

Is there an undiagnosed condition? Whether learning difficulties or MH?

Is there a will to plan the next couple years to slowly gather qualifications?

To self refer for free IAPTs MH support to get to the root of the cause here?

To potentially turn life around by say 2024?

ive had support at work but it all ends the same, i just go around in circles. Had counselling, I think some people are just incompetent and we all know them, I'm that person.

I don't believe that anyone is useless. Especially not if they are actively trying, which it sounds like you are. You must have completed a degree/PGCE or B Ed to get QTS. Both of which are difficult so please don't be so hard on yourself. I echo the poster who said you may have an undiagnosed condition. Have you looked at the symptoms of adult ADHD?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3513720-Dh-repeatedly-losing-his-job

I read this thread last night and it was eye opening in the sense that most of the replies was that the husband was useless, it was his fault and to leave him as I am very much the husband from that thread and know this is how society views me. Some posters were able to have empathy for him though.

Support at work is useless if you have ADHD for example and the support is what would be given to a neurotypical worker.

I'd read up on adult ADHD and adult autism diagnoses. Many women (assuming you're a woman, apologies if not) get missed when younger as they don't present the same as boys.

Viewing your current situation as "failing" perpetuates the feeling of being a failure. You have somewhere to live, you are clearly able to get a job but they just haven't been the right jobs for you/haven't been able to accommodate you.

What are some of the things you are good at? What do you enjoy?

Sounds like the same problems all the undiagnosed women with ADHD or autism are having. Have you looked into this?

I don’t believe anyone is just crap! There’s always something behind our struggles

I think the difference with that guy is that he is blaming everyone else, quickly starts challenging his bosses and becoming a pain/not trying etc. And doesn't seem to give a shit about costing the family money/stressib his wife etc.

Do/ did you have supportive/ loving family? If this is absent, I think it can be a pivotal factor. Definitely think about changing (whatever it is) into healthy, new habits, try out meditation or whatever makes you feel that you are tapping into something outside your current world view, look to build bonds with good people only, be open and positive to only those who accept and respect you, but first accept yourself, learn to love yourself and who you are, then things really will improve. Just bit by bit. Hopefully that doesn't sound patronising.

I think the difference with that guy is that he is blaming everyone else, quickly starts challenging his bosses and becoming a pain/not trying etc

i have done the same at work before and I am a man but even through being defensive I know I'm generally shit.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, we all mess up

My immediate thought was some kind of undiagnosed issue to - whether it's ASD, ADHD, dyslexia or something like depression/anxiety.

Teaching is hard, OP. It has a massively high attrition rate so please don't internalise this as a personal failure. I quit because I couldn't hack it and so did many others. I have a good job in a totally different sector now. It's OK to admit it's not for you and move on.

In terms of the other jobs - are there any common themes you can identify that caused you to struggle - eg timekeeping, attention to detail, memory, communication issues etc.
I think it's worth unpicking this. It's very easy internalise failure and assume it's a fault with self. But sometimes it may be that you are simply doing the wrong job. Maybe there's a set of skills you struggle with and you need to find a role where those skills don't matter so much? Or get some support in building those skills up? Nobody is perfect and a lot of the people who look like they know what they are doing are faking like hell....

You sound very depressed Op. And depression tends to give us a distorted and warped view of reality. Is there anyone impartial you could talk to?

Do/ did you have supportive/ loving family? If this is absent, I think it can be a pivotal factor

i did but a family feud left the family pretty shattered and my parents are now elderly.

I've felt like this my whole life. I have only been fired once but I have jumped from job to job, quitting because I'm scared people will realise how incompetent I am. I really struggle to learn a role, foresee issues and manage my workload so I end up firefighting until I'm burnt out.

Last year I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. The psychiatrist said my work history and struggles are completely typical of undiagnosed ADHD.

Several posters have mentioned the possibility of an undiagnosed condition, so will you look into that?

@coop36

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3513720-Dh-repeatedly-losing-his-job

I read this thread last night and it was eye opening in the sense that most of the replies was that the husband was useless, it was his fault and to leave him as I am very much the husband from that thread and know this is how society views me. Some posters were able to have empathy for him though.

I don't think that thread was comparable. The guy had a family and a lot of financial commitments, plus the problem didn't seem to be that he genuinely struggled to hold a job, but actively sabotaged them through a terrible attitude, and expected his wife to have nothing but supportive feelings about it.

yea i might but i have reached the point of just giving up, not caring, acceptance.

Also ADHD here, scraped through a degree on sheer fear and anxiety, never been fired but always the underachiever with the punctuality issues.

Feel like I look incompetent all the time.

The diagnosis itself made a massive difference psychologically, but also taking to someone about how I always thought of myself as a shit human was important. Undiagnosed conditions can bring a bit of baggage. 😏

Support at work is useless if you have ADHD for example and the support is what would be given to a neurotypical worker

This is what I was thinking.
I have ADHD teen who would appear useless at stuff if you were to judge him based on being NT

plus the problem didn't seem to be that he genuinely struggled to hold a job, but actively sabotaged them through a terrible attitude, and expected his wife to have nothing but supportive feelings about it

people would describe me quite like the husband was, some posters tapped into the fact that he knew himself he was incompetent but was defensive rather than expose his vulnerability or weakness. That's how I have being too. Some posters acknowledged that beneath the veneer of arrogance and pride was a scared and frightened Little boy.

OK, accept that things might not get any better, and still go for a diagnosis.
There is help available, once you know what the condition is. There are meds you can take, and there are coping strategies you can use. You can't know how much of a difference they can make until you have tried them.
They can't make things any worse; so you either stay in the same OK place, or get an improvement.